girl_in_pictures's Xanga

We're still alive!

Fri, 23 May 2008 22:54:09 GMT

We're still alive and healthy, thank God. We moved in the middle of April back to where we were living before we moved in with my parents. It's nice to be settled in our own place again. We're renting one level of a house right now, it's cozy and works fine. I'm just so glad to be in our OWN place again, and God is taking care of us. The landlords are supposed to have a bigger house open up in the next couple of months that should be better for our growing family.

Chad is interviewing for some positions with the city, and that will help us a lot financially. We're living off of our tax return (and economic stimulus payment!) until he is able to find a good job. I really don't want him to have to go back working low-paying, crazy hour jobs anymore.

In pregnancy news, I am 30 weeks, 4 days today and we are having another BOY!!!! Our third boy in a row! His name is Nathan Isaac.

My preterm labor problems have started and it's so wonderful to have Chad home to help. Yesterday my Dr. put me on complete bedrest, until my next appointment with her on Tuesday. I switched care providers this past week because my midwife was being so rushed and haphazard with my care. My new Dr. is much better and more attentive, I really like her. I don't know why this keeps happening with my pregnancies. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong, but I must be doing something wrong to go into preterm labor so early each time. So I'm trying to take it easy, I want to make it at least to 34 weeks, that's when Eli was born. After that, lasting until 35 or 36 weeks would be wonderful. I really don't want him to have to be in the NICU at ALL.

I have more time to be on the computer now that I'm on bedrest, so I'll try to update more often than once every few months! Thanks for checking in on me. More later.

Update

Sat, 05 Jan 2008 23:06:02 GMT

Well we're here, alive and healthy so in that respect, we're very blessed.

Pregnancy update: I'll be 11 weeks tomorrow and feeling a little bit better the past few days. Not as horribly nauseous as I was previously, so that's good. In some respects time is flying, but I know I still have a long way to go. I've been working on getting us on insurance and finding a Dr./midwife. I've had consults with 2 midwives and one doctor already and I didn't like any of them. I'm meeting with a new doctor on Monday who I think will be very good, and then one last midwife on Tuesday so I should know this week what I'm going to do. I'm actually thinking about doing a homebirth this time around but we'll see.

We're still here at my parents house and things are slowly falling apart. They were fine for the first month, but I'm afraid we're all getting really sick of eachother. I'm surprised we've lasted this long, actually. My parents basically think they are way above us and order us around doing all of their menial tasks for them around the house and I know it's getting to Chad especially. There is absolutely no mutual respect, I guess we should have known that when we moved in with them, I just didn't know how far it was going to go. We're thankful that they've given us the opportunity to live here with them (rent free!) but nothing is free. There's definitely a price to pay in being here and I'm honestly wondering why we even came. I know God has a plan in all of this though.

That's all I have time for now. Thanks for reading, if you still do.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Mon, 24 Dec 2007 21:57:07 GMT

~*~*~*~*~MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!*~*~*~*~*

Wishing you and your family a wonderful holiday season.

Surprise! (sorta)

Wed, 21 Nov 2007 20:00:58 GMT

Well we got through moving (AGAIN!!) and we are safely in CA. We are working with my parents on their business. It's been a crazy, stressful and exciting week!!

On Friday, the day before we moved, we found out that I am, in fact, expecting again. After my crazy rollercoaster with the disappearing positive, it was hard to believe but it has officially been confirmed! I don't know if I took the test with the disappearing positive too early or if it was just a fluke, but I just KNEW I would be pregnant this cycle. I knew it in my heart. We are feeling very thankful. This doesn't seem like the best timing necessarily, but we trust that God is in control and we are so excited to be expecting a new life.

We learned our lesson a couple weeks ago and will not be telling anyone until we get the heartbeat confirmed. My ultrasound is in 19 days. I can't wait!! It's amazing how even after "so many" kids, it's just as exciting to be pregnant with #4 as it was for #1.

Does anybody know how I can add this ticker to my site somewhere, like along the side under my profile picture or something?

Still here

Sat, 10 Nov 2007 06:48:03 GMT

I'm still here! Getting negative tests still, so it must have been some weird fluke. No period yet though, so who knows what's going on.

A LOT has happened in the past 2 weeks or so. We are going to be packing up and moving out of state to live with my parents (like, actually live in their house with them ) and we're supposed to leave a week from tomorrow. We have not packed one thing. Since we just moved 3 months ago, thankfully a lot of our stuff is still in boxes, but there's still a lot to do. We're both nervous to move, and especially to be so close to my parents, but I think this will really help us get on our feet. Please pray for us if you think of it, we'll need it.

I can't believe we're 25 and 26 and responsible for so much. How did this creep up on us??? I still feel like such a kid myself. I keep waiting for someone to step in and take care of ME, I'm so overwhelmed thinking of everything I'm supposed to take care of! This has very little to do with being a mother as my children are the greatest blessings in my life and I wouldn't trade them for anything. It's more about being an adult and all of the responsibilities that come with that. Having kids is easy in so many ways-- all they need is love, some food, and playtime. I'm realizing more and more that we make parenting so much more complicated than we need to. The hard part of life for me is figuring out what the heck we're going to do with ourselves, how to make ends meet, what we want to do for work, how we're going to construct our family dynamics, how we need to plan for the future, how to relate to family now as adults ourselves, etc. Those are the things that are seriously stressing me out!!! Being an adult is wayyyyy overrated.

I'm trying to relax though and take it one day at a time. I can get myself so wound up about things. What does that accomplish? Nothing. I'm really trying to live more in the moment, since that's all we have. Chad is very inspiring to me in this way because he is so mellow and at peace with life. Very rarely does anything faze him. I totally needed a dude like that.

Speaking of enjoying the moment, may the cutest baby in the universe motivate you....

Please don't pay attention to his dirty jammies. Maybe we are a little white trash after all. Ugh!!

Friday, November 02, 2007

Fri, 02 Nov 2007 19:58:44 GMT

Negative blood test. "Less than 5 mIU's" is what it said. VERY negative.

FRER SUCKS!!!!

Still no sign of my period, and my chart still looks good, so I guess there's *some* hope still, but I'm not expecting anything. What a let down!!! That positive was soooo positive. ARGHH!!!!

Friday, November 02, 2007

Fri, 02 Nov 2007 03:20:02 GMT

Well it turns out things on the pregnancy front aren't as final as I thought. After my light but immediate positive on the First Response test I took yesterday, we felt confident in saying for sure I was pregnant. Even Audri could see the 2 lines. But when we came back from Trick or Treating several hours later, the 2nd line was gone. I tested again this morning and nothing. I've tested several times today (with Dollar store tests) and have gotten 2 more VERY faint positives. VERY faint. But I'm still not ready to commit. I went in this afternoon for a blood test so I can know for sure, but it turns out they ordered qualitative and not QUANTitative, so it's possible that I'm still not far enough along for that kind of blood test to detect it yet. UGH!! But I should find out the results for that in the morning.

I also charted for the first time this month. I started charting simply to see what is going on with my cycle since I just started my period for the first time since Eli's birth earlier this month, but I had NO idea I would ovulate so early in my cycle and possibly get pregnant already!!! But like I said a few days ago, I just *knew* I would be pregnant this month. We'll see I guess......

But in the meantime I thought it would take my mind off of the agony of waiting to post some symptoms I'm having. What do you think? Am I or not?

1. My chart looks like a textbook pregnancy chart. I won't bore you with the details but just trust me.
2. I've been eating a big bowl of broccoli every night for the past 2 weeks instead of (well, along with) my usual candy. Tonight I couldn't shovel it in fast enough and Chad and I busted out laughing.
3. I've been weepy and emotional. The weepy part is VERY unlike me.
4. I've been foggy-brained. What was I saying again...?
5. I've started craving things that I haven't eaten since the last time I was pregnant. Like Red Vines and Costco yogurt. Did I mention the broccoli already?
6. I've been increasingly tired the past 2-3 days. Like, exhausted at 10-11pm.
7. Calf cramps, which I only remember getting during my first pregnancy
8. A couple bouts of nausea over the past week. Isn't it a little too early for this though?
9. Twingy cramps on my lower left side. I also remember only getting these on my left side during my first pregnancy. Usually I have this on my right side.
10. Getting increasinly annoyed with Chad.

That's all I have time for now. Gotta go watch Grey's with hubby. I'll update again tomorrow when I clean out what's left of HPT's and get the official results in. I'm so nervous, after all this I'm seriously going to feel insane if I'm not pregnant.

I WAS right....

Wed, 31 Oct 2007 22:17:35 GMT

baby #4 due July 10, 2008

Off the beaten path

Sun, 28 Oct 2007 05:00:30 GMT

I know we choose to lead a "different" life. There are so many things that are accepted in our society that shouldn't be. But then there are things like being a stay at home mom, homeschooling, having a large family, or in my community-- not being involved in every sport or extracurricular activity, that people frown upon. I don't get it. I really don't.... You're not in AWANA?! Ohhh. You mean your kids aren't in tennis, soccer, golf and basketball??! AND YOU HOMESCHOOL?!??!?!? What kind of anti-social freak are you anyway?!

My sister lives a completely different life than we do. Probably about as different as you can get. She and her husband have completely different priorities and goals for their children, that I honestly cannot fathom having. Sports, education, prestige, and IMAGE rank above all else. It's all about image and achievement. I just don't get it. I try telling myself "it's her life, it doesn't matter, I don't have to understand it" and that works out fine for me. We do our thing, they do theirs. But then everytime I'm around her she makes jabs at the way we choose to live. And the crappy thing about it is, she doesn't say them to my face, she makes these disparaging comments in front of me when she's talking to other people. Seriously, why? Why is that necessary? As if we don't get enough flack for homeschooling, or for wanting more than 1.2 children, or for not going to college and getting a job working for XYZ company.

After I'm around people like this, I always question the way we choose to live. This gets exhausting after awhile. There comes a time when you just have to stand firm in what you believe, and what you've chosen. This is the only life we get, there isn't time for regrets. But I question it all anyway. Are we making the right decision? Should we keep going this way? Will we ruin our kids if we continue down this path? The questioning and the long pauses and the stares get to me after awhile.

I don't bring up the fact that we homeschool unless people ask. And they always ask. Our thoughts about children revolve around their schooling. The first question everybody asks when they hear Audri is 5 is, "oh, so are you in Kindergarten this year?" and she answers "yes, and I'm homeschooled!" Maybe I should just have her simply answer "yes"....but then they usually go on to say "oh, well where do you go to school?" Sigh. Then the parent almost always looks at me and says "oh good for you. I could never do that." Oh reallly, well that's great. For some reason the "I could never do that" comment really bugs me. There are all kinds of quippy, snotty comments I could make but I don't. I smile and keep my mouth shut. Believe me, the temptation to be snotty increases the more I hear the same comments over and over and over again.

But you know what, we have our reasons for living this way. And they're none of your damn business.

In other news, it looks like we might in fact be moving back to California. That's where my roots are, baby! I'm scared but looking forward to it. We'll be in the same town as my parents. Did I mention I'm scared? My parents are great. They really are. And we love them dearly. The kids will be so excited when they realize that we're going to permanently live by 2 of their most favorite people!! And Chad and I will actually be able to go on dates!!! We don't do babysitters unless we are absolutely desperate (which is practically never) so I'm really looking forward to being able to go out alone with my husband on a regular basis. What a concept! I had just resigned myself to the fact that we wouldn't have a date until the kids were old enough to fend for themselves. I can't wait to go out to a movie again or have a night away!!

Did I mention how glad I am that we are in a new phase of life? It feels like 1,000 pounds have been taken off my back now that Chad's back home again. We belong together. Uh oh, this is touching on another one of those "unacceptable anti-social behavior" things. To want my husband home during the day! To want to be together as a family rather than gone from eachother for 8-16 hours a day! To actually enjoy being around eachother! (I think people find that one to be the most strange) To find an alternate way of making money rather than being somebody's ~~bitch~~ employee! GASP!!! What can I say, I'm an entrepreneur at heart. I want to determine my own life, and not have somebody else determine that for me! Is that so wrong?? This is another reason we're moving to CA, so we can work with my parents on our family business. I'm praying that it works out. It will work out.

Remember, we only live once. No regrets. Peace to the other path makers. We can do this.

I think I might be pregnant

Sat, 27 Oct 2007 05:59:48 GMT

But then again, I just might be thinking too much.

I started my period back this month for the first time since having Eli. Usually it doesn't come back for 12 months after I have a baby because of breastfeeding, but he's been sleeping through the night for a couple months now, which is I guess why it came 2 months earlier than usual. I started charting this month just to see what my cycle was doing, and it looks like I ovulated on day 10. Today is day 18. I've taken 2 pregnancy tests already and they've both been negative, but it's still too early to know for sure. Today I was crampy all afternoon, I was sure my period was about to start. I've been REALLY dizzy for the past couple of days. Then tonight I started bawling because I felt bad for the guy who is having to do Chad's job. I'm also having calf cramps, which have always been an early sign of pregnancy for me (but I've also had them during times when I'm not pregnant).....so I dunno. It looks pretty obvious when I write all that out on paper, but maybe all of that is just a coincidence. Or my hormones just getting back in line. I'll keep testing, don't you worry. I'm a bit of a testing fanatic.

I feel like I'm pregnant this month though. Deep inside, I just know. I felt this way when I was newly pregnant with Audri. Even though she was my first and it was VERY unexpected, I knew I was pregnant way before I ever had a positive test. It was like God was communicating with me and telling me there was a baby growing inside. I even had a very vivid dream where I'm sure I saw her growing in there. I would walk around in a dreamlike haze, thinking about the baby inside of me that I didn't even know existed. I feel the same way now. I've wanted another baby for many months, that's how I always am after having a baby-- I want another one right away. Even though I hope I'm pregnant each month, I always know I'm not. But this month is different. When I pray, I feel a peace and a confidence that I am pregnant.....

But I've been wrong before.

I guess this will test how good my knowledge really is in this area, huh.

Things have been crazy lately. Good, but crazy. Chad quit his horrendous job and is back at home with us again, Hallelujah! Just within the past week he's decided to go back to school, he got accepted, and quit his job. Whew! I was praying for a way out of our situation, and here we are!! I'm relieved because things were getting really bad, but also scared because I have no idea what the future holds. My parents are pushing for us to move to CA to be near them. That makes me even more scared. Even though we have nothing holding us here, we are at a safe distance away. I love my parents dearly, but it's scary being so close to them.

I also started back in counseling a few weeks ago and that is really stirring up a lot for me. We're talking a lot about my past, and going in depth about my relationship with God, and it's making me very uncomfortable. But it's good.

The kids are doing well. We went to the pumpkin patch a few days ago, here are some pictures:

I my family.