girl_smileyy's Xanga

Xanga idiosyncracies

Thu, 13 Nov 2008 18:36:26 GMT

You know what's creepy? It's when somebody completely random from the street goes "hey, aren't you [insert xanga name] from Xanga?

While some people may find that flattering or something of that nature, I think it's hella weird. But guess who decides to pull that line last week at VAFF? Not her. Me!

To my defense, I called her by her real name. Plus, she went to my high school like a billion years ago. But it really throws the other person off when they say "um, do I know you!?"

Had no idea I could be such a creeper. At least she took a pic and didn't xanga block me after!

The UPward battle continues

Mon, 27 Oct 2008 05:20:48 GMT

The last time my world was pulled from under me, I was left with very little options. So I packed up and went to live around the world.

Note: Even though I acted like one, I was not a random drifter with zero direction in life. I was just forced to believe that when doors keep slamming, you have to find other ways to make it work.

Global economic turmoil

So my company sends out a mass email right after the markets crashed, saying they were going to be 'restructuring' and 'making changes'. Sure, it was a tiny blip in my long weekend but I really didn't think they would CAN everybody. Or nearly everybody. These idiots just spent ten grand on hair, makeup and consulting on a stupid photo shoot for us. How was I supposed to know they had zero profits rolling in? Or that their only source of revenue was from investors that pulled out once their stocks tanked?

Every decision you make has its consequence. But everything happens for a reason.

What's SO annoying is looking back in hindsight, I really wouldn't or couldn't have done anything differently. At the time, the option was so alluring. So good to be true. Too good to be true. The idea that I'd be reporting for a television show airing across the country (plus Vegas) was huge. Even though it wasn't conventional news, this was leaps and bounds more than anything from before.

The power & detriment of the dream realized

I'm one of those people that will never take anything for granted. I paid for school, traveled, bought x amount of stuff, simply because I worked like mad for the paper. I've gone through enough rejections, jumped through enough hoops, that when I finally reach the pinnacle of my career? It'll have true intrinsic value. I appreciate the present because I came from nothing. I anticipate the future b/c I'm fighting an upward battle. It's a constant struggle, trying to convince myself that taking the road less traveled and mediocrity should ever be an option.

I'm slightly saddened by the sacrifices I've made in being here at this point in time. All the relationships that had to be severed, strained, or alienated. Distance and difference takes its toll on the psyche. All the people that didn't believe in me, that didn't agree with me. My love life inevitably became obsolete. My friendships have dwindled into bare acquaintance-ships. At the end of the day - when is enough really enough?

The upside of being passionate is it drives you like a natural high. The downside is there's not many people that understand what it's like to have an ass that won't quit.

The fork in the road splits again

One of my mentors and best friend always said, "this just means it's not your time yet" and "everybody takes a different road to success". The road that I'm staring at may be 3000 miles away and in the middle of nowhere (again). Do I buckle down, give up a lease in downtown Vancouver, and run off to live with the Eskimos? Or do I stay living in a city, writing for the third largest market in the country with the possibility of never achieving the dream?

What's with my incredibly emo entries as of late? I need to blog about something more uplifting, like the past weekend I went bar hopping with my bus driver buddy (the one who said I am like Elaine from Seinfeld). Or the shenanigans that arise from speed dating sessions. And halloween this friday? I'll be hosting a party bus for drunken college morons. What about you?!

The 5 year itch

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 05:21:31 GMT

Life's been a little rough lately. It's been hard to come up with thought-provoking entries, so bear with me.

I think I'm having a real Blogger's Block. Yes, I said Blogger's Block. If writers can have them, then so can Bloggers!

See I'm not even making sense.

At first, I started privating most of my new blogs after initially posting. Like it was a dose of self consciousness or something. Do you ever get annoyed or frustrated when reading someone else's really retarded post? That's how I felt ... about my own. And then I just stopped coming up with topics.

It's been 5 years Xanga. Are we growing apart?

If anyone has any fantastic topics for me to blog about ... send 'em my way. If not, then I guess this chicka's going on hiatus. Either that, or until I find my mojo again.

Subscription renewal

Mon, 13 Oct 2008 06:43:37 GMT

I've been hitting a dry spell ... with blogging of course.

It's time to add more onto the roster. Last time I asked for reading material, I was referred towards some great blogs.

Anyone have any good xangas to recommend?

Infidelity is subjective

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 00:38:45 GMT

This is a continuation from the last entry: Fidelity

After careful consideration, I decided to meet with my friend and just lay it on the line. Under any other circumstances, I probably wouldn't have bothered because hey - it's none of my business. There are only a few people in this world whom I would go to extreme lengths for, and she's one of them. After all, who likes messy drama? Who likes yucky confrontation? Not me. No good ever comes out of it.

Here are the results that I heavily anticipated:
- she would be devastated/broken/shocked
- she would break up with him and become angry + jaded
- she would be devastated but still stay with him
- she would still stay with him but be ashamed about it
- she wouldn't believe me and let this estrange our friendship

The Confrontation

Suffice to say, no good could come out of the aforementioned reactions. But I sucked it up, downed a big glass of watered-down vodka, do what I do best and let my mouth run.

Bracing yourself for the worst is always the best policy b/c anything greater than the worst is always a monkey off the back. So how DID she react? She wasn't shocked. She wasn't offended.

She says along the lines of, "We have an open relationship."

W.T.F?!

"Him and I have already talked about this. We're allowed to go and look for other people. If he finds somebody else that he's more compatible with, I don't want to be there stopping him. The important thing is that he comes back to me in the end. There's nothing wrong with him going on dating sites because I already know about it! It's different if its behind my back with malicious intent. But if we're both comfortable with it, then it's not cheating, right?"

It took a prolonged couple seconds for the words to sink in. And then I proceeded to pick my jaw up off the floor.

I've always taken pride in being extremely liberal, and me of all people should know a thing or two about being unconventional. But I've always been a fan of monogamy. Monogamy is a great proponent of commitment, no? If I didn't want monogamy, I would continue my way of life right now which is being SINGLE!

But I never pretend to ever understand other people's relationships. I DO commend them for having such great communication skills. And if she knows what she's dabbling with, then the last thing I would ever do is not be supportive. We ended with her giving me a hug and thanking me for my investigative skills. I even presented her with a folder of his alleged indiscretions - jpegs and profiles all printed out! All that was missing were 8x10 black and whites.

Maybe I'm too old-fashioned or I've been out of long-term relationships for too long that I have no clue what kids are up to these days. Do you know of instances where open relationships work? Where do the lines of cheating end or start if both parties know about it? Isn't communication the foundation of all healthy relationships? Is monogamy a developed or inherent trait?

At the end all I had to say was:

"Can I blog about this?" ;p

Fidelity

Sun, 28 Sep 2008 06:05:36 GMT

Loyalty is often taken for granted and fidelity is definitely underrated.

I was going through a personal dilemma when I met a friend up for emergency brunch. There were two separate pairs of strangers sitting to our opposing sides (total of 4 guys) and I said this coincidentally with their coinciding silences:

I think over 90-percent of guys cheat. Most people don't, simply b/c they haven't had the CHANCE or opportunity. If you dangle a hot chick in front of a man, I don't even want to guess how few guys would remain faithful.

Suffice to say, all ears perked up and thus began a round of intriguing conversation with random strangers!

What was the cause for the sudden rage and man-hate? A disturbing incident that left me disenchanted and angry.

Pimping and Promoting

It all goes back to Speed Dating.

I host speed dating for fun. You know how recruiters scout qualified applicants for jobs? I do the same for speed dating. I'm looking for a specific type of person, i.e. somebody looking to put themselves out there, whether it be serious commitment or for "fun". Whatever rocks your boat!

Where's a better place to scout dating talent than ... a dating website, duh? Here, the choice for online love is Lavalife and Plenty of Fish. So I set up a blank account and sift through people I've selected in my user search. Can't really call it spam since it's not mass email and I only send out a few here and there.

So I'm going through profile after profile. It's always a chuckle when you come across people whom you know in real life (Vancouver is a big small-town). It's just less funny when one of them is your good friend's boyfriend.

Is infidelity ever justified? Is there ever an excuse for lying, deceit or infidelity? Especially if the girl that you're stepping out on is the most down-to-earth girl in the world? There are too many plastic, self-absorbed, empty-headed Barbie cookie-cutter women, especially in this city. How rare is it that you find a girl who's stunning without even trying? Who walks into a room without feening for attention? The kind of girl who doesn't strut her shit expecting all men to fall at her feet, even though they do. She's smart, she's driven, she's kind, she's the whole package. She even has this ice-queen of a bitch putting her on a pedestal, and that's actually saying alot.

Plenty of Bad Fish

Let me reiterate - so my friend's bf has a profile on a dating website. Let's give the bastard the benefit of the doubt, right? Maybe it was a friend using his account. Maybe it's an OLD account (even though they've been together for years and are LIVING TOGETHER). Maybe he's just on it for shits and giggles?

So I did what any good friend would do. I got somebody else to message him.

I made my friend cyber-whore it out big time. "I wanna get to know you." And "I'm all about having a good time". Or some other relevant bullshit. I'm sad to report that the fool fell for it, hook, line, and sinker. He wants to get it ON, and OUT of cyberspace.

Being the savy reporter that I am, I took snapshots of his profile and recorded their conversation as jpegs.

I'm saddened for all the obvious reasons, but also at the fact that so much communication can be lacking in a relationship. There's obviously something missing if a man has to actively go online and search for whatever, even though he has such a catch at home. So often, ppl are scared of being alone that they'll stay with the other person just because. I'm disenheartened that some people have no inkling of a crumbling partnership. And I'm devastated that something special can disintegrate and go down the drain.

For all you people with somebody special, don't ever take it for granted. And for all the (few) good guys, don't change b/c ppl like me who have seen too much BS like to think there is still hope in this world.

And for any bastards that share the same pea-brain as that online creeper? I should hope that you at least ATTEMPT to exercise a tiny bit of caution. And YOU should hope that your girlfriend is NOT friends with me.

But enough talk about evil douchbags. Here's to one of the most solid guys I know. But I'm obviously biased since he's related to me. ;)

Me, my cousin and his gf.

Why Xanga is like a club

Wed, 17 Sep 2008 06:58:56 GMT

Some girls love to decorate their pages with half naked pictures. Some like to troll Xanga looking for hot ppl. And I think there totally isn't anything wrong with that. It's a very simple give-and-receive process. One person is offering a commodity (eye candy, compliments on whim) and also looking for something in return (attention, opportunity to get to know another person).

It's so simple. I'm guilty of it as well. Why do I spend so much time on Xanga anyway? I love to write; I pour my heart into it. In return, I get feedback. The occasional compliment. And of course the random ignorance which I try my best to filter.

See how Xanga is just like a club? Or meat market. And now, we're constantly inundated with Xanga contests. It reminds me of beauty pageants. Or moreso, it is EXACTLY like a beauty pageant!!

Which leads me to a conversation I had with a fellow blogger the other day regarding Xanga Crushes.

Is there a certain type of person whom is naturally predisposed to taking an intial liking towards another person of the opposite sex via cyber space? Is it common and natural for ppl on Xanga to [harmlessly] flirt on common blogs?

Xanga Crushes

I'll be candid about this. While I think it's trite how some ppl on Xanga go overboard with attention whoring, I'll also say that I understand the need to use Xanga as an outlet to vent. Some of us rant on frustrations, some of us write anonymously, and some of us develop unrealistic Xanga Crushes that we have no intention of ever coming to fruition.

There's no shame in harbouring a secret Xanga Crush. I mean, I didn't even know the concept existed until that discussion. Don't you love how girls can spend hours dissecting over .... nothing? Hah.

Xanga Crushes are an outlet for you to relay unrealistic expectations that you very well may never find in reality. Some ppl just spend their days meeting incredibly incompatible people. Unfaithful people. Or ppl that simply don't fit into the time line schemes of life. It doesn't mean you should scratch off having great hopes. It doesn't mean you should settle nor god forbid, become jaded.

It's just a means to keep the hopes of finding a person perfect for you ... alive.

Long hair? I am SO over it.

Running into the [same] male stripper again

Sat, 13 Sep 2008 03:30:21 GMT

It must be fate or something. The gods obviously found some purpose in crossing my path with the Male Stripper, so we were paired up again as extra's for another bar scene.

In which I continued to interrogate him about stripping. What? Like you wouldn't do it if you had the chance! How often does one meet a stripper outside of a strip club anyways? Plus the dude was obviously proud of his profession.

I told him how I find hilarity in watching a grown man prance around to funky music. He agreed and said the purpose is NOT to seduce; but instead, be cheesy. I also found other pieces of important information.

1.) Michael Jackson is often popular by request.
2.) When I asked what types of women enjoy male strippers, Male Stripper said, "hot bitches, ugly bitches, you really get all kinds of bitches!"

Hee.

Speaking of bitches, my friend is definitely NOT one when it comes to the needle and ink.

I showed up to provide comic relief, or the other way around.

I love tattoos. I think it's time for my next tat - I'm thinking music notes and a treble clef. The real question is location. My tattoos are all hidden strategically just b/c I think it's difficult for a woman to pull off tattoos without looking rugged and/or hardcore. I know I definitely couldn't do it! Total props to the one's that can. Plus, too many conservative people watch the tube and having a full sleeve probably wouldn't fly.

Next blog: Xanga Crushes. By popular demand of course. ;)

How does your ghetto look like?

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 07:29:15 GMT

Vancouver has the most expensive housing in the country. A 600 sq. ft condo would be well over half a million dollars. But the average salary in this city is 35k? We are SO not NYC. Cost of living/earning is NOT relative.

5 years ago, I would've been like most ppl in my city and avoid the Downtown Eastside like the plague. I don't know how ghettos are like in other cities, but here, it's reduced to a very large eclectic downtown area at the core of the city. It has all the history, the Chinatown, the heritage homes. Very beautiful, really. Except it's also home to drunks, prostitutes and well, the homeless.

Vancouver was the first city in North America to offer a free needle exchange program. Marijuana is highly tolerated with proof of pot shops all over Hastings. Child prostitutes are not uncommon, when the legal age of consent is 14. The act of prostitution itself, isn't even illegal.

I know what you're thinking - what is up with these whack laws? It's structured like so for "protection". Better to be supervised than to run amuck underground, right?

But the next Olympics is around the corner and with all the negative press Beijing has garnered, we would be silly to follow suit. What would the world think of Vancouver when there are people shooting up and loitering in broad daylight?

The city is going ahead with more social housing, although it's a shame that it had to take the Olympics in order for major action to be taken. I'll probably get roasted by all the homeowners in Yaletown and Coal Harbour, but wouldn't it make sense to put low-income buildings outside of the ghetto? Everybody wants the ghetto to be "cleaned up". But human beings need a place to go. And offering one-way-tickets out of Vancouver is borderline inhumane.

There's an area caled Gastown that peaks my interest. It has loads of character, a bit grungey and definitely not your cookie cutter Asian 'hood. In fact, I highly doubt any Asian people would even come visit me! But that's the least of my worries. The only thing I care about is being a middle-class, single professional moving into the ghetto and driving up land prices. You know, that thing called gentrification? It's kind of the result of Vancouver as we see it today.

When one door closes ...

Wed, 03 Sep 2008 05:52:26 GMT

People are often shocked when I say I haven't worked for a year, but have been bouncing around and living off of investments and out of a suitcase.

But isn't it really expensive?

Not really. It's all about downsizing. If you did what I did and shave your costs down to the bare necessities, it's easy to get around certain countries on $10-20 a day. The amount that I spent in a year is probably equivalent to how much regular people spend shopping and living life in mere months. I was living life too, albeit in a different way.

These days, this journey is almost over. It's been a tough ride. Sometimes I can't believe a year has passed since my world was pulled out from under me. When all the odds were stacking up left and right. And doors just couldn't seem to stop slamming in my face. There's nothing like hitting rock bottom when you drive down the entire west coast and get rejected from every source possible, even places like Redding, California.

I had no job, no visa, no home, no tape. So I said, screw this sh%^ I'm going to backpack the world!

Which was what I did.

There's nothing like learning about foreign and exotic places than living it. There's no better survival skill than having nothing but a compass and a map. My people skills are a bit sharpened and my bitch is slightly tamed after so many mind boggling encounters. Every night before falling asleep, I would marvel at the beauty that lies dormant in the world. Every morning upon waking, my first thought was deciding on which city to discover and which path I'd take to get there.

No matter which little nook of the world I was in, no matter what kind of fun I was having, my heart was devoted to my true passion in life. And that was to get myself back into news.

Two years have come and gone since I've left Vancouver. I've lived a couple lives, had a few epiphanies and many reaffirmations in faith. But I think I've done enough to prove my dedication. It's been a long battle, but I am a reporter once again.

The scariest part? This isn't even a dent in the surface. At 25, life has barely even begun.