No boyfriend.

Chris turned out to be the same as every other boy, I guess.

Pshh.

I know it's been a while since I've written. But I feel as thought if I write, maybe I'll feel a little better.

These past couple of weeks haven't been too nice to me. I keep feeling like shit because I keep eating and I can't stop eating. I can't gain weight, I just can't. I'm already too self concious as it is. So, I've been eating like a fat lard.

My so called "friends" keep ditching me and there I am, with no one to turn to. Let me rephrase that. No one I want to turn to.

Today I woke up crying. And then I kept crying a little after that. Right now I even have tears in my eyes. I had a dream about Kyle and his girlfriend. Everytime I think of them, I can feel a part of my body dying away. I mean, I'm not trying to feel sorry for myself if that's what it seems like.

I don't know what's wrong with me anymore. I wish I could go back to March. Before I threw my emotions away.

People say it hurts less with time. Well it's been about three months or more, when will it stop hurting?

My parents don't trust me. I have no love life or anyone that gives me butterflies. I can't talk to anyone about this and even if I could, they still cannot really have much conception to what I feel.

I don't have a reason to wake up anymore. And isn't that what a big chunk of life is about? That reason of "Why am I here?" or "Why get out of bed and go out?".

I seem to screw up every chance I get and I'm not getting any better.