Finally found something worthwhile to post. Check out the new version below the original....made me smile =)

Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there was one only.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from anguish,
sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints,
so I said to the Lord,
¡§You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there has only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?¡¨
The Lord replied,
¡§The years when you have seen only one set of footprints,
my child, is when I carried you.¡¨

FOOTPRINTS ...
A New Version 

Imagine you and the Lord Jesus 
are walking down the road together. 
For much of the way, 
the Lord's footprints go along steadily, consistently, 
rarely varying the pace. 

But your footprints are a disorganized stream of zigzags, 
starts, stops, turnarounds, circles, departures, and returns. 
For much of the way, it seems to go like this, 
but gradually your footprints come more in line with the Lord's, soon paralleling His consistently. 
You and Jesus are walking as true friends! 

This seems perfect, but then an interesting thing happens: 
Your footprints that once etched the sand next to Jesus' 
are now walking precisely in His steps. 
Inside His larger footprints are your smaller ones, 
you and Jesus are becoming one. 
This goes on for many miles, 
but gradually you notice another change. 

The footprints inside the large footprints seem to grow larger.
Eventually they disappear altogether. 
There is only one set of footprints ... they have become one. 
This goes on for a long time, 
but suddenly the second set of footprints is back. 
This time it seems even worse! 
Zigzags all over the place. 
Stops. 
Starts. 
Gashes in the sand. 
A variable mess of prints. 
You are amazed and shocked. 
Your dream ends. 

Now you pray: 
"Lord, I understand the first scene with zigzags and fits. 
I was a new Christian; I was just learning. 
But you walked on through the storm 
and helped me learn to walk with you." 
" That is correct." 
" ... And when the smaller footprints were inside of Yours, 
I was actually learning to walk in Your steps; 
followed you very closely." 
"Very good. You have understood everything so far." 
" ... When the smaller footprints grew and filled in Yours, 
I suppose that I was becoming like you in every way." 
"Precisely." 

"So, Lord, was there a regression or something? 
The footprints separated, 
and this time it was worse than at first." 

There is a pause as the Lord answers with a smile in his voice. 
"You didn't know? 
That was when we danced."

Wow, I haven't updated in a month.
Man I'm lazy.
My bad.
Oh well.
With that in mind, I bring you....

ENGLISH 101
Here's a quick English lesson for all you guys out there.
Take note.

WORDS WOMEN USE

******************************
FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something", and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "Nothing" usually end in "Fine".

GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.

SPRING CLEAN - PART 4
This one is self-explanatory.
Its another more serious one.
I quite like this one too.

GEORGE CARLIN POST 9-11 (His wife recently died...)
Isn't it amazing that George Carlin - gross and mouthy comedian of the 70's and 80's - could write something so very eloquent ... and so very appropriate post 9-11. A wonderful Message by George Carlin:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctor worry about them. That is why you pay him/her.

2. Keep only cheerful friends.. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. " An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. If you don't send this to at least 8 people.... who cares?

SPRING CLEAN - PART 3
Here's a more humourous one to lighten up the mood.
One serious and world-changing,
One funnie and mood-changing.
Enjoy...especially all you Asians.

I have 56 out of the 87 characteristics listed here.
Funnie eh?

You know you are CHINESE IF:

>>------------------------------->

1. You look like you are 18.
2. You like to eat chicken feet.
3. You suck on fish heads and fish fins.
4. You have a Chinese knick-knack hanging on your rear view mirror.
5. You sing karaoke.
6. Your house is covered with tile.
7. Your kitchen is covered by a sticky film of grease.
8. Your stove is covered with aluminum foil.
9. You leave the plastic covers on your remote control.
10. You've never kissed your mom or dad.
11. You've never hugged your mom or dad.
12. Your unassisted vision is worse than 20/500.
13. You wear contacts, to avoid wearing your "coke bottle glasses".
14. You've worn glasses since you were in fifth grade.
15. Your hair sticks up when you wake up.
16. You'll haggle over something that is not negotiable.
17. You love to use coupons.
18. You drive around looking for the cheapest petrol.
19. You drive around for hours looking for the best parking space.
20. You take showers at night.
21. You avoid the non-free snacks in hotel rooms.
22. You don't mind squeezing 20 people into one motel room.
23. Most girls have more body hair than you, if you are male.
24. You tap the table when someone pours tea for you.
25. You say "Aiya!" and "Wah!" frequently.
26. You don't want to wear your seatbelt because it is uncomfortable.
27. You love Las Vegas, slot machines, and blackjack.
28. You unwrap Christmas gifts very carefully, so you can reuse the paper.
29. You only buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off.
30. You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.
31. You spit bones and other food scraps on the table. That's why you need the vinyl tablecloth.
32. You have stuff in the freezer since the beginning of time.
33. You use the dishwasher as a dish rack.
34. You have never used your dishwasher.
35. You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times.
36. You eat all meals in the kitchen.
37. You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers.
38. You have a piano in your living room.
39. You pick your teeth at the dinner table (but you cover your mouth).
40. You twirl your pen around your fingers.
41. You hate to waste food.
42. You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing.
43. You don't own any real Tupperware - only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars.
44. You also use the jam jars as drinking glasses.
45. You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel.
46. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes). These snacks are always dried and include dried plums, mango, ginger, and squid.
47. You wash your rice at least 2-3 times before cooking it.
48. Your dad thinks he can fix everything himself.
49. The dashboard of your Honda is covered by hundreds of small toys.
50. You don't use measuring cups.
51. You beat eggs with chopsticks.
52. You have a teacup with a cover on it.
53. You always look phone numbers up in the phone book, since calling information (*69) costs 50 cents.
54. You only make long distance calls after 11 pm.
55. If you are male, you clap at something funny and if you are female, you giggle while placing a hand over your mouth.
56. You like Chinese films in their original undubbed versions.
57. You love Chinese Martial Arts films.
58. You've learned some form of martial arts.
59. Shaolin actually means something to you.
60. You like congee with thousand-year-old eggs.
61. You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached.
62. You never call your parents just to say hi.
63. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.
64. When you're sick, your parents tell you not to eat fried foods or baked goods due to yeet hay.
65. You know what yeet hay is.
66. You e-mail your Chinese friends at work, even though you only 10 feet apart.
67. You use a face cloth.
68. You starve yourself before going to all-you-can-eat places.
69. You know someone who can get you a good deal on jewelry or electronics.
70. You save your old Coke bottle glasses even though you're never going to use them again.
71. You own your own meat cleaver and sharpen it.
72. Your toothpaste tubes are all squeezed paper-thin.
73. You know what moon cakes are.
74. When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has moved out.
75. Your parents know how to launch nasal projectiles.
76. You iron your own shirts.
77. You play a musical instrument.
78. Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them.
79. You've eaten a red bean popsicle.
80. You bring oranges (or other produce) with you as a gift when you visit people's homes.
81. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
82. You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine or law.
83. You live with your parents and you are 30 years old (and they prefer it that way). Or if you're married and 30 years old, you live in the apartment next door to your parents, or at least in the same neighborhood.
84. You don't tip more than 10% at a restaurant, and if you do, you tip Chinese delivery guys/waiters more.
85. You have acquired a taste for bitter melon.
86. You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but don't eat the last piece of food on the table.
87. You see the truth in this and then send it to all your Chinese friends.

SPRING CLEAN - PART 2
Here's something that actually is pretty meaningful.
I'm sure some of you have already come across it before,
if not, well then here's your chance to be enlightened.
Read it to the end, then you'll get the full impact.