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girlwhosmilesalot
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Name: Jennifer
Country: United States
State: Indiana
Gender: Female
Interests: As stated above, I like English, my husband David, coresponding with my friends, reading, writing, reading writing, writing reading, and cleaning and baking. But mostly I like reading. And writing...
Expertise: Uh...grammar? Some literature (not like lifeline expert, but I'm ok.) Random facts pertaining to music, or engins and occasionally agriculture.
Occupation: Education/training
Industry: Education/Research
Message: message me
Member Since:
6/6/2005
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| Do you ever have the urge to read a specific thing at a specific time? I currently desire to read T.S Elliot's Four Quartets. I love the way he writes--all vague and misty and cool. Here are some other things I currently wish to do:
1. destroy all computer games that separate me from my husband.
2. convince the army that online officer courses are the thing of the future.
3. hire a maid.
4. quit my job.
5. organize a giant party where I'd be able to see everyone I'd ever missed--and they'd all get along!
I think that's all for now. Maybe I'll do this again soon.
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| As the wheel turns... I miss posting here. It gives me an excuse to write, something I don't do nearly enough now that I no longer have assigned essays to use as my outlet. And I miss writing. Right now, unfortunately, my hands are having significant trouble keeping up with my mind. I think that I am some kind of abnormality. Two weeks ago I read eight books in one week. One of them was Robert Jordan's Knife of Dreams, a brilliant, detailed, Dickens' esc, 745 page long book.
Yeah, I may read just a bit much. And my mind spits out words as fast as it can take them in, but my hands and my mouth can't possibly keep up. It makes for some very akward sentences sometimes.
By the way, I'm currently reading a very good memoir-essay book entitled Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller, who insists on not capitalizing his name on his book covers. It's a good book, and puts me in mind of writing one myself. Can I? Here's to hope.
I really don't like teaching right now. In fact, for only the first time in my entire life I am not looking forward to school starting. It's an unnerving feeling; I usually love school supplies and can't stomach looking at them most days. I am repulsed by the thought of walking in my building unless it is to pack my things and leave. But since no other building wants me *sob* and my teaching is essential to our livelihood right now, teach I will. But only until I become a world famous author or get pregnant. Whichever comes first.
Did I mention that I miss my husband? I actually got to see him last weekend, for the first time since May. It was good, wonderful, even., but ultimately much too short. 32 hours after a 3 month separation is not enough. But I only have to hold out for 28 more days before I can bring him home with me.
I guess I'm not up on my insect-ology. I would have found it rather impossible for an entire colony of fire ants to move into my completely closed up car overnight, and for them to remain undetected, except for 25+ bites on my feet and ankles, for the entire 48 hours I was in Georgia. These things are, seemingly, very true, as my feet can attest. I didn't know there were any ants until I was on my way home ( a 14 hour drive one way. Not fun) and I saw one crawl across my dash. No big deal. Squish went the ant. And then I saw them. A stream of seven ants, trickling out of my air vent...and down the door...and into the fuse access panel...and onto the floor boards. Apparently I had been disturbing their peace, and they felt the need to seek revenge in the form of swollen, red, itchy bites. I mean, it's not like I own the car or anything. My revenge came in the form of a can of Raid Ant and Roach spray. I'm sure I was a sight: drive, drive, drive, Squirt! Don't worry, I think I got them all. *Shudder* Just thinking about them makes me itch.
What else to say? School starts in 13 days and I get to see my hubby in 28. I hate one and love the other so do I wish for time to fly or move more slowly? As it is getting late, I should close. Maybe one last thought:
Can we, as mere mortals, truly understand our own hearts? Can we ever really know the path our life is supposed to take? According to my David, I am meant to be a teacher. Can he see my future better than I can? Am I just a doubting Thomas, someone who cannot believe without words blazoned on the wall--and even then not trust them without a handwriting analysis? Where does faith stop and foolish hope begin? Where does reality take it's toll in tears? It seems that toll is always taken, even when I am sure that I am on the road intended for me. Are these tolls, these obstacles, roadblocks or potholes? Is God using my apparent failure to teach as a sign, telling me that I missed an exit somewhere? Or are these stumbling blocks Satan is using to steer me off path? And how, might I ask, are we supposed to know the difference? I can't tell if my heart wants to quit for all the right reasons or all the wrong ones.
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| Forever And A Day...A very relevant title, for several reasons:
1. That's how long it has been since I have posted here,
2. That's how long my husband will be gone at basic training,
3. That's how long this school year has lasted; and
4. That's how long it will take me to grade all of the papers I have to grade.
Isn't life wonderful? Now, for news. David and I officially bought the Broadway house from the Thomas-es. I love it, but I'm struggling to be a "single" home owner. So many things are constantly going wrong. Little things like falling mailboxes and giant flies, but things anyway.
I'm "single" because my husband joined the Indiana National Guard, and is at basic training. He left at noon on Tuesday and will return sometime the first week in September. I'll see him once before then. I miss him greatly, and it's been less than a week. *Sigh*
This summer is filling up already. I have small group, volleyball, my brother's wedding in July, my annual family visit, Mo's visit in June, and a million house projects to complete before David gets back (not to mention losing 20 pounds). It will be busy, but hard.
Speaking of life. Don't you ever wish life were easy? That problems would be kept to a bare minimum, and never happen all at once, as it they always seem to do. And sometimes? I get tired if the "building character" line. What if I don't want any more character? What if I like how I am, thank you very much. Too bad we can't all return to living as small children, content to play with piles of dirt and small pink rock 'n roll figures. Oh, for the good old days.
I would live to hear from those who have been rather absent from my life recently (ahem...Beth). I miss talking with you...and should be pretty open in approximately 9 days...
Till I reach the other side of the paper mound,
Jen
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| And what sharp teeth you have, Grandma!
Yes, I do feel like I'm about to be eaten alive, though not by my grandmother. It's been a long week, and I've only had two days of school so far. I love holidays.
Where to start? This weekend I had Friday and Monday off, in addition to the normal weekend days. This is good, because on Friday I met with all but two of the Jimtown English teachers. We shared writing and life stories and troubles...and then we went shoe shoping. It was great bonding with people who are like myself, but I came home a little sad. See, out of the seven women who were there two had had their husbands cheat on them, one husband moved out of the house shortly before he died, one is currently monitering everything his wife does and has accused her of having an affair, and two are divorced, one twice. Not exactly a good track record.
It made me think, and it made me scared. All of those women, and their husbands, started marrige thinking it would work. They were in love. They had a future. What makes me and my marriage so different? *chills*
The rest of the weekend was better. My family came to vist so they could meet Kelly's family, and since I don't have enough room to feed 9 people we ate out. 4 times. I was tired of waiting in line for my food, but I still enjoyed the time. I love my family!
I also got to try on a bridesmaid dress-my first ever-and spend time with Jason and Chrissy Simnic. And I got to babysit children. Overall, a good weekend.
Then the horrer begins.
It all started with the wonderful thing called school. I arrived at school on Tuesday to a group of the most stubborn, the most disrespectful, group of children on the planet. They look at me with this glare of "you can't make me do anything. No one can make me do anything." The sad part? It's true. You realize how little power you really have when there is no principal support, no parent support, and the children are taught, through this, that they can do and say anything they want. I truly want out of public education.
I came home Tuesday night crying. I feel powerless, and my husband tells me I need to gain influence by loving them. I do love them. I care and they rip my heart out. I extend mercy and they spit in my face (not literally, thank goodness.) I don't know how to care more. And so I disengage. I don't monitor them well enough, I don't grade papers, I shut off at school and from school as much as possible. If I don't, I think I'll be eaten alive. Today was not better, in most respects. I wish I could reform the system...It creates children that are dependent on us and hate us for it. And I hate myself for it...
In other news...
We put an offical bid on "our" house today. We hope to get it, and to be ready to move in 3 weeks. I'm very excited! It's a beautiful house...3 bedrooms, a kitchen and breakfast nook, 2 full baths, a basement and wonderful wood-floored main room. It also has a 2 car garage and access to 2 alleys. Very cool.
I hope to update soon with a list of not-so-bright things said by my 7th graders, so look forward to that.
Until later,
The Grinch Teacher
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| As my husband sits and plays Shadow of the Colossus, I sit and type my first Xanga post in...three months. School has made life busy.
What has happend to me? Well, lots. Maybe a list would be helpful.
1. My brother called me ( a mirical in it's self) He just asked his girl to marry him...the wedding will be this summer.
2. I might get the chance to go to France. To visit one of my husband's old flames. I know, sound akward. But I met her this weeekend, and she's really fun.
3. I recently got to see many people I've missed. I wish I could see all of you. Maybe I'll throw a party.
4. I've noticed everyone is getting married-or at least lots of people. It makes me feel old.
5. I hate my job. Specifically, I hate the way my school is run. We've run out of money and have had to cut supplies, aids, heat, and anything else we might need.
6. I also hate the lack of principal support. I've had to defer to parents by his mandate too many times...
7. Therefore, I'm looking for a new job. If anyone hears of an opening...
8. I love my husband. We get better at this communication stuff every day...I can't wait to experience the next 80 years!
9. I really want to find a house. And move in. And no longer have to depend on others to take care of my mice problem. We've had four so far this fall. I hate when creatures invade my space. They scare me.
10. I have a ton of new year's resolutions to make. Already. Like, to lose thirty-ish pounds. And to keep in touch more. And ...many others. I guess I'll start early.
There has been so much more...I coached volleyball this year. My parents re-sided their house and added a deck. I've grown up. I've seen how fast life can fly. I guess it's time to prioritize.
Love ya all. | | |
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