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girlymare
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Name: Lauren
Country: United States
State: Hawaii
Metro: Honolulu
Birthday: 9/14/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: HaWaII TRaCk & FiELd, CroSS CouNTrY, EqUEsTriAn, BiRds, RePTiLEs, AmPHiBiANs, CReePy CrAWLy THinGs, ReSeARcH, MuSiC, WRiTinG, BeACHinG!
Occupation: Student
Email: email me
AIM:  CtrlAltDlete
Member Since:
1/26/2003
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| One week left until the SUMMEERRRR!!! I can't wait! It's going to be a lot of fun. My co-workers are AMaZiNg and I'm really looking forward to spending the next few months working with them. Two more weeks until my first triathlon. I feel a little unprepared but I know I'll finish it and do better than most. I simply cannot wait. OLIVIA will be there, too!! It's supposed to take place on her birthday and I feel kind of bad about that. But I will definitely make it up to her later on that day or the following day. =) I found out last night that we will probably get to host an exchange student from Israel this summer. My family's life is really interconnected with the Jewish Community Center (JCC). My mom works at the front desk, which gets us REALLY sweet discounts with the gym and other programs. My little brother, Shawn (15 y.o.) worked at the summer camp last year as a CIT and will be working as a counselor with the special needs campers this year. In any case, there will be a handful of counselors this summer who will be from Israel... and they asked our family to take one in. It will be an 18-20 yr old young woman and she's going to be staying in my room. EXCITING!! Don't know when she'd be coming... guessing around late June to mid-July. Cross country season is almost here..... and we have a new coach! I met him tonight at the Athletic Awards Banquet. SO happy that we'll have a real team, ya know? Real team, real coach, real practices... and a really good chance of winning the CUNY Athletic Conference X-Country Championships!! | | |
| Been a whileWell, it's been quite a while since I last wrote on here. There's been a lot of stuff going on. For one thing, I got that job at the Staten Island Zoo back in September. I started off in the Children's Zoo and three months into it I began training in the animal commissary (making diets and cleaning out holdings for the leopards and servals.) I also began training in the tropical forest and african savannah, which was also a lot of fun. I'm enjoying my job and everyday is a new day. The people that I work with are great and there's always something different to enjoy about each individual animal and something that I find fascinating about both man and beast. This is certainly an excellent stepping stone for my career with animals... whatever it may turn out to be.
Donna and I broke up, got back together, broke up, sort of got back together, and broke up again last week. Like a big emotional rollercoaster, these last few weeks have sent my mind spinning and my heart in disarray. Especially in the past week. For whatever reason I was perfectly fine. I mean honestly I really didn't even look back. I knew that things weren't working out, I wasn't happy with the fact that we still acted like we were together, and after we initially ended it on Sunday I was okay with it. Then her coming over messed things up for me. I can't say the exact reason why, because I don't even know why my emotions are manifesting in such a way. I'm not used to being in a breakup and then seeing the person afterwards. (Whether I'm the one breaking up, or being broken up with).
It is times like this that I try to keep my thoughts, opinions and ideas to myself because I'm afraid that whatever I say to anyone will bite me in the ass later on. The way that I'm thinking right now isn't how I normally think or feel, so it's best just to let these next weeks pass and not let my emotions get the best of me. It is important to think things out before speaking so that I don't sound contrite or offensive.
I think perhaps the reason why I'm a little bitter is that I was perfectly fine with it before and moved on. And now it's like we exchanged personalities. The bitterness and sadness has been passed onto me, and she's out having a blast hooking up with people and enjoying life. But hey it's only fair after all the shit she's been through... so I'm definitely being understanding about that. I'm happy for her, actually and proud of her that she's been able to move on. I'm not happy about how it's making me react, though. With her going out right away and hooking up with people (didn't think you'd be able to stay celibate anyway) it makes me want to rebound and jump into someone's arms immediately. Yet I know that starting a relationship or dating in this emotional state would not lead to the outcome of a healthy relationship. Beginnings like that never do.
So.
Right now I lay and wait for my head to clear. I counsel myself often. I don't take it to heart when things go wrong. Focus on my studies. Focus on the future. Focus on the happy person that I was just two weeks ago. Surround myself with friends, family, and good times. These feelings will soon pass and I know that everything will be okay again very soon.
For me, time DOES heal. For me, there is a time and a place for everything. That includes a timeline for breakups. I need time and space to get past the things that I am feeling right now, even though I don't completely understand what they are or why I am having them. Once again, please respect that and understand that this is how I cope. Bringing you back into my life right now or anytime soon will not help. Especially since what you miss/hope for/need/want right now is hot, raw, sensual, and passionate sex. Putting us together right now would not be the best idea. Not to offend you, but wouldn't you agree?
This is how things are, and how things have been. It's time for track practice. So I'm off once again on another adventure in life. Ciao for now.
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| Tomorrow is our one year anniversary. =) I'm so excciittteeddd!!! =) Yaayyyyy One crazy year with hundreds of amazing times together. Have a couple nice things planned for tomorrow. Can't wait. =D And I can't wait to get out of this house where everyone is screaming at each other nonstop. Uggghhh...
=)
<3 Happy anniversary, beautiful. <3
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| wow... summertimeI still can't believe that just three weeks ago I was cramming like crazy writing term papers, taking finals, running around doing end-of-the-year packing and storage stuff, etc etc. I can't believe that just two weeks ago I was on a road trip going across the country. I can't believe that things have just been going so well lately. I'm just in disbelief.
I missed the deadline for the Staten Island Zoo applications. They just finished hiring people only a few days before I got home. I sent out my application for the NY Zoological Society's zoos (Central Park Zoo, Prospect Park Zoo, Bronx Zoo, Queens Zoo, and NY Aquarium) so hopefully I'll get a response from them soon as to whether or not I can get a job at the Prospect Park Zoo in Brooklyn. If not, I still have other jobs lined up. I was already re-hired at Cherryl's barn (Richer Farm Equine Sanctuary). I get to teach lessons to little kids. Yayyy *jumps up and down slowly and unenthusiastically* lol ... but I get to ride and be around horses whenever I want and help train the young horses! Yaaaayyyy!! *jumps up and down excitedly!!!* Cherryl wants me to go to Rutgers and is trying to help me get in. I'm actually going for a tour on Tuesday to see if I even like it there. I'm going to bring a copy of my transcript to see what credits would transfer. I could possibly get a riding scholarship or some other form of horse scholarships... which is pretty exciting.
Or I'd go back to Hawaii next year and only get $500 from Hillel in grant money. My research internship would be pretty sweet though - studying Avian Malaria on the islands. I'd get 2 credits for it in ANSC499 and then in the Spring I could get a small stipend.
Going back to Hawaii may mean breaking up with Donna, though. And the last two weeks have been so amazing. SO amazing. We've been doing so many things together. Hanging out at each other's houses; hanging out with each other's families; going to the movies with my lil brother; laying on the grass in the park at Union Square (where we had our first date & first kiss); working out at the gym; taking pilates and other classes together; going to the beach (despite the needle and condom infested sand, and brown-green water filled with dead bodies n sewage lol); and of course - our wonderful sleepovers. 0=) It's such an amazing feeling to lay my head on her chest and fall asleep in her arms... and then being able to open my eyes to see hers when we wake up in the morning. It breaks my heart when we have to part and sleep in our own separate beds for a night or two. How could I leave this again? It's tearing at my gut just thinking about it.
But I also have to do what's best for me. My education should come first. But it's hard to ignore your emotions when it comes to decisions like this.
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| Coming HomeAfter going on a 3-day road trip, visiting California, Oregon, Washington, Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, Colorado, then finally staying in New Mexico for 4 days... I'm finally coming home!! We leave for the airport in 30 minutes, then Laura will drop me off and my flight departs at noon (2pm NY time). I have a 2 hr layover in Phoenix, Arizona and then should be arriving in NYC around 10:30/11pm. I can't wait to see my family and Donna again. I miss them all so much... especially Donna. I miss her like crazy. It's been a lot of fun. Took lots of pictures of mountains, farmland, desert, lightening storms, a reeeaalllyyy long train that went on for miles it seemed like (130 cars, including 3 engines!!), some prison inmates from the Montana correctional facility, and this run-down hickville diner place called "The Hole in the Wall". We drove through cities, towns (some that lasted for miles, some that only had a handful of houses), and indian reservations. We weaved through rush hour traffic, and went for over two hundred miles without passing another car. This was certainly quite an adventure. Anyway, going to have an orange and tea, then off to load stuff in the car. =) I'm coming home!!! | | |
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AbbYj0s_SweeT_LaYouTs
