Hmmm..Anyone I know on?? I really don't think anyone comes on here. So I'm gonna pour my heart out.I feel like I'm being cheated. I don't why. The feeling in my gut just tells me I'm being cheated or I should be careful. I'm scared I don't want to get hurt. But I'm putting myself out there. I feel like no one cares about me and if they do I just let them down. Not intending to offend anyone or anything. Out of everything, you guys would probably think I'm stupid. A 17 yr old. Telling the whole world about her life. In reality though, I'm jus speaking to myself. Not thinking anyone is on. So If you see this don't tell me you seen this or don't comment me. Jus using this as a journal. Am I ever going to be able to trust? Am I ever going to feel that there is someone that is true to me? And am I ever going to meet someone that cares about what is going on in my life? -Sighs- thats a good question, Am I ever going to meet someone that cares about what is  going on in my life? So much negativity. I have to admit I haven't gone to church in almost a month in a half. I just don't feel motivated to go by myself. Its either I have friends that go with their families or friends that don't have anything to do with church, or a friend that goes by themselves to their chosen church. It just feels lonely sitting by yourself in church. Is that weird? or is it jus me? shouldn't I feel God, the Holy Spirit.... something?? I mean I do. But is it a sin to WANT more? Want that body beside you to know that you are there together? I don't even talk to anyone anymore. I only talk to one person. But a very busy life, that one lives.It's not even talking anymore. So it feels like I'm living a life of Isolation. Seperated from the world. When I go to church on Wed, it is just a routine. Go to church, maybe after glow, than go home. I really need someone to talk to. I feel like I'm dying inside. But no way am I gonna let someone know that I need something. They'll just judge me as almost everyone does. They'll jus talk crap like almost everyone does.I need someone. Help. But Don't get me wrong if someone did try to help. I'd deny the whole thing. If ya get what I mean. Nope I'm not those people afraid to ask for help, at least for other things, but when it comes to love and affection.I really don't know how to receive it or accept it. So I'm totally crushed. Hey at least one good thing I got a job. But what's the point of having a job, when nobody loves you?

UpdAte! *lol* I think I'm the only one on xanga. Whatever
FrIday, December 17,2004
I didn't go to school today. *hehe* It was the last day class parties and everything like that I heard there was only 6 people that went in the senior class...so sad *lol*. But whatever I went shopping for my clothes for senior pictures. I found some really kute outfits. Then I had to go to work. UGH! Hate that. I also talked to an old friend. It was nice.
Saturday, December 18,2004
Picutre Taking Day...yAy!
I got my hair and makeup done by Jackie at Salon La Chic. Then I Got my Senior Pictures redone at Images by Stevens. Omg..I love them. *hehe* Better than the other place I took it at. So happy. Hope I have enough money to buy the pictures I want.-Sighs- I really don't know. Don't have enough money. O well. O yeah...and the unexpected happened today....I won't tell you guys what happened but eventually you guys will find out. IM SO HAPPY!. O yah and went on the car cruise last night. Pimpin it in Beb's Pathfinder...hehe. You still mad at me?? I'm sorry, I overreacted. Forgive me. Please. You're right. I'm wrong. Okay??
Today, Sunday, December 19,2004
Dunno what I'm gonna do today. Call me up people's. *lol* I'm sure something will come up today. Holla at yo girl. *lol* whatever.
That's all for today bye! 

Today we gift wrapped at borders for our senior trip made some pocket change i guess. We need to be making more money for sure. I hope we can make more money. Tomorrow we have school, but I dont think I'm gonna go. I gotta go buy my clothes for my senior pictures. Stressed. And it shows. maybe next time i'll be more prepared. But too much exams so i dun know. See ya guys later.

So worried about something right now...I hope everything's fine. Hope I get that phone call or a visit to show that everythings okay. -Sighs- I dunno. Gotta look on the bright side....
Well today was my Physics final. I studied so hard last night until 12:30. Why you ask? I had a C before going into a Final and now....I have a B! Yay!! I didn't want a stupid C on my report card. -siGhs- I feel so happy about that. I think I did good on my Health final I got an A for sure. Its not over yet. 
We have English tomorrow and I didn't even read 50 pages of what i need to know....eek! Whatever everything will turn out fine hopefully.
Let me know your okay...I'm sorry. 

 Time sure does fly by....

What To dO wHat tO do. TonIght Is ChoIr's PerforMance At The sChool. And Seems Like My Boo Is WrAPped Up In His STuFf. Its Kool ThOugH I UnderSTand. I Jus HAd a BAd dAy. I wIsh My Bad dAys WouLd MeaN sOmeTHing TO him as His dOEs tO me. StreSsed out! WHy??! Well I've cOllege aPplicAtIons, SenIor PicTures, SearCh For THe PErfEct PRom Dress( I KNow Kind OF EArly) But HEy Its SENiOr YEAR!, and I gotta work. While trying to spend time with God, my family and trying to do my school work. I swear school work is so much now a days. I thought Senior yEar was suppose to be a cruise. I guess I thought wrong. WEll at leAst My GrAdes Are GOod! Happy fOr THAt.But I Hope I can SPend TIme WIth the People I really care for. And I hope our class can get closer. -Sighs- Will that ever happen? Well I have hope. Lost in my own world. Oh yAh And I have DrIver's Ed tO wOrry ABout. I WaNt a CAr sO BAd. So I don't HAve To ASk FOr a Ride ANymore. I hate asking for a ride, but sometimes i feel so tired. I don't know. But I think I Might go to college in the mainland, SO whats the use of a car. Dunno. Dunno. Dunno. I DONT KNOW. so stressed so stressed. I DONT KnOW! SOmeONe HELP! *lol* TOo much to JuggLe. Hope EveRyTHing Turns Out Fine. I mean It aLways dOes.LifE...... Don't fail me Now!