New xanga, kiddies.

decharne_xo

I'm still in the process of fixing it up, so don't judge by how it looks right now.

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So, I got into a huge fight with my Mom today. It was pretty stupid how it even started. She said she'd buy me some books online, but I said she was annoying me because she kept talking and I had a headache. Then she wouldn't buy the books, and we started yelling. I guess I got carried away but I really just don't feel like dealing with this. She wouldn't listen if I tried to explain anything, anyways.

I also found out my sister was reading my other private xanga. It used to be my public one, but I stopped writing in it for a while, then I started to again but took it out of my AIM profile and wrote kind of like what I write in here. I had stopped writing for a while again because I made a new public one and this one. But I signed into it today to get the code for my xTracker, and her xanga name was at the top of the list on it. I have no idea how much she read but I wrote some pretty personal things in there. Ehh, I guess I forgot to take the link out of my myspace because I haven't signed into it for about 2 or 3 months. "Oh shit, I hope she didn't read too much", is what I just kept thinking over and over again when I saw her name. I deleted a few entries up until I had still had it public. I would shut it down but I have too much on it to do that. Too many summer memories..I'll want to look back sometime, I know I will.

I had lunch at school today..pasta. Blechh. I need to remember not to get lunch on Wednesdays, which is pasta days. I was going to leave during 5th period, the one after lunch, to go to the bathroom and try to throw it up (bad I know, you don't have to tell me) but it was English and she kept reading the whole time from our book so I didn't want to interrupt or anything. I was also afraid Jess would go with me, since she's in that class. I didn't eat when I got home for once, though.. and all I've had since school is a yogurt for dinner, since I can't eat meatloaf, and I wouldn't anyways.

I'm done now. <3 Update tomorrow.

So, in case you didn't notice I deleted all of my entires. I know I've only had this for a month or so but I just want to start over. A lot of those posts were really pointless anyways, and I want to actually have meaning to what I write in here.

I also joined new blogrings. I don't know why, I just felt like as long as I was starting over I might as well make it even more fitting. The layout is new, and I'm looking for a new song even though I really love this one.. it gets old quick.

So let me start over, and introduce myself.
I'm Carrie, and this is my diet journal.
Okay, more like my write down my real and true feelings xanga but I write about my health, too.
I would never call myself anorexic or bulimic, because I know I will never be that. I am not starting over to be fake. I am trying to just be myself without caring what others will think and comment me on. I realize I have to vent on here the way I want and I'll write whatever I feel.

So, I just got back from dance about a half hour ago.
Another thing about me, I'm a ballerina. I love ballet. It is probably my one true passion in life.
Today's class was good, well actually just pretty normal. All the same stuff we do every class. I was skeptical about it at first, though. As I walked out the door and into the car, I just stared at my thighs, my stomach, and my arms. I felt huge, like a balloon. I was feeling okay all day up until I got changed. I guess the tights and leotard are just not enough for me. Even though I wear shorts and a shirt over them I just felt like I was going to stretch the shirt out for miles with my stomach contrictingly tight against it. And the shorts showed practically my entire legs. It was horrible. I stared at myself in the mirrors when I walked into the room, too. The spandex on the ends of my leotard dug into the fat on my hips and made them look about 100 times wider. I felt like I was going to explode. My ass looked huge in my shorts, and I could tell the girl on the bar behind me was backing away as far as possible so she wouldn't accidentally touch it while she lifted her hand out while we did stretches. This may sound funny, but it was a nightmare all through the first part of class. When we finally went out onto the floor I felt about 20 times lighter. I was so relieved. I don't even know what changed. I was still insecure, even though I wear the same thing every class but I just felt extra self concious today. I really just hate my body.

I'm missing America's Next Top Model right now. I forgot it was on after class, and went straight on the computer. It was a re-run of last week's episode, but I never saw the first 20 minutes of it and planned on watching it over again. Aw, well I just hope I don't miss the new one tomorrow..

That's all I have to say for now.
©©©

Ugh. I am so horrible with challenges. I think I'll be kicked out of one soon. Sorry to all of the challenges I joined I know I can't stick to one to save my life. I'm going to start doing better now. I swear.

Anyways, this weekend has been eh kind of bad, food-wise. I've basically been living off peanut butter sandwiches and soup the past 3 days, but I'm hoping it's done me some good. Besides the 2 slices of pizza on Friday and the macarroni and cheese last night, I really hope I've been doing okay.

Now, I might be starting this diet soon..but I'm not sure if I believe it yet..
(credit to second_tries_a_charm, I got it from her site)

First Day

Breakfast- 1/2 grapefruit, 1 slice dry toast, 2 tbsp peanut butter
Lunch- 1/2 cup dry tuna (packed in water not oil), 1 slice dry toast.
Dinner- 2 slices (3 oz.) any type meat, 1 cup green beans, 1 cup red beets, 1 small apple, 1/2 cup of vanilla ice cream.

Second day
Breakfast- 1 egg, 1 slice dry toast, 1/2 banana
Lunch- 1/2 cup tuna or 1 cup of cottage cheese, 5 saltine crackers
Dinner- 2 hot dogs, 1 cup broccoli, 1/2 cup carrots, 1 banana, 1/2 cup vanilla ice cream

Third Day
Breakfast- 5 saltine crackers, 1 slice cheddar cheese, 1 banana, 1 small apple
Lunch- 1 hard boiled egg, 1 slice dry toast
Dinner- 1 cup tuna, 1/2 cup red beets, 1 cup cauliflower, 1/2 cup cantaloupe or frozen mixed fruit, 1/2 cup vanilla ice cream

It's supposed to make you lose 10 pounds in 3 days, but I highly doubt that since you eat pretty normally and with Ice cream. Eh, it couldn't hurt to try but as long as I didn't get it confused for a diet to make you gain weight, like for someone in recovery. I'll still try it, it could work. Well, I hope it does. I'll start tomorrow since I already had half a peanut butter sandwich for lunch.

Please work, Please work, Please work, Please work.
I need this to work.