| **BOLD**
I AM -
anorexic
bulimic
living off diet pills
hungry
thirsty
drinking something
under 100lbs
starving yourself
participating in a fast with other people
PEOPLE -
ask if i'm anorexic/bulimic
call me fat
say i'm skinny
say i'm ugly
say i'm pretty
spread rumors about me
force me to eat
say i eat too much
wish i'd stop
don't know i'm ana/mia
I WISH -
i was THIN
i had a better body
i didn't have to eat
i could control myself
i was under 120lbs
i could avoid food
i could hide what i am
i wasnt fat
i was pretty
i could stop
I LOVE -
feeling hungry
seeing a difference when fasting
shaking
being weak, becuase i know i'm losing weight
losing weight
being ana/mia
green tea
diet pills
being able to turn down food
feeling good about myself |
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i feel a bit better. i've been talking to my gorgeous boyfriend. i love him so much, he treats me like a princess & i feel like i can't give him the same back, i feel like a failure, like i'll never be good enough. i feel like, how can he love me when i dont even love myself? he always tells me i'm perfect & beautiful and all i am to me is a failure. I hate myself so much, but i have to get over it. It's not fair on him that i'm always depressed & i take it out on him. i need to change, i need to be who i used to be, i used to be such a better person and now im just this. This girl who is invisible to everyone. I hate who i am and i can't change by myself. I wish he would understand me, i know it's hard for him, im gonna lose him soon if i dont get over the fact im a failure. These are all the problems/illnesses i have:
Bipolar Disorder-A mental illness that causes extreme mood swings.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder-Psychoneurosis characterized by disturbing, unwanted, anxiety-provoking, intruding thoughts or ideas and repetitive impulses to perform acts that may be considered abnormal, undesirable or distasteful to the patient.
Eating Disorders: A group of disorders in which there are significant disturbances in eating. Two common examples are Anorexia Nervosa, a refusal to maintain an acceptable body weight for one’s age and height: and Bulimia Nervosa, uncontrollable binge eating which may be followed by purging the food through self-induced vomiting, laxatives or diuretics.
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder: Psychological and emotional distress which develops following a stressful, traumatic event or series of events (war, rape, natural disaster).
Personality Disorders: Refers to habitual ways of seeing and relating to self and the environment that are so fixed and rigid as to cause a significant degree of personal distress, and limits the individual’s ability to effectively cope with the day-to-day demands of life’s situations.
Clinical Depression: Not just temporary or situational sadness, but a persistent and pervasive feeling of sadness or hopelessness that is often associated with weight loss (or gain), sleep disturbances, disturbances of sexual function, and feelings of guilt or self-blame.
Insomnia: Sleep problems characterized by difficulty falling asleep, frequent wakings during the night, or waking up earlier than desired. Insomnia can result in getting up in the morning feeling unrested and experiencing drowsiness during the day.
Anxiety: a feeling of uneasiness, apprehension or impending danger - even when no real threat exists. The feeling may be accompanied by physical symptoms such as increased heart rate, palpitations, difficulty breathing, and sweating.
Borderline Personality Disorders: self harm & shit.
thats all i think. it fucking sucks. Anxiety is the worst for school, i get soo anxious over nothing. UGH. someone kill me.
.I love Samuel.
intakeeee : nothing all day appart from 4 squares of chocolate & helf a piece of toast. |
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| I feel hungry; i feel pretty.
I love Sam; he loves me.
I'm complete. |
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| Period.
Fat day.
End of.
I love Samuel.
He sent me this @ 2:41
this morning.
" Love u baby n i
wnt u so bad i cnt
wait 2 c u again"
Mm, i love him. <3 |
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