gldbug800's Xanga

Monday, January 22, 2007

Mon, 22 Jan 2007 21:31:43 GMT

So my buddy Richard, who owns a succesful (as in profitable) software company, gets the news and says, "call me so we can talk". Ah, he says, they were threatened by your presence...let me noodle this around and see the best way to plug you into my network. He only does this because he knows I work hard and product results - what's not to like.

And oh, good golfing buddy, how about I treat you to a round of golf, just like you had a real job anyway?

Great guy.

Second contact: the girlz I helped get set up as a promo/event company email me; want to talk about how I might help them succeed faster. Want to meet this week. Said I had already helped them a ton, and they would like/need more of that kind of assistance because they have so many things going on it is more than slightly nuts. And, they say, I rock!

Never knew such words of encouragement carried so much weight.

But they do.

A lesson I'll remember in whatever comes next.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Sun, 21 Jan 2007 14:57:25 GMT

So Jan asks me, "how am I doing today?" Innocent enough...except for the circumstances. Is she asking "are you ready to throw yourself off a cliff", or is it "are you as angry as I am today", or maybe it is "is your despair overflowing for all to see?"

A friend of ours emailed me this week with the insightful insight: "we are too old for this crap". Add in a few "so what's the deal, God, with this", shake gently (or violently as your mood dictates), and pour into your life and see what effect it has. A slight buzz, for sure, but of the kind that keeps you edgy, overly quick to react to what people say...or don't say.

Perhaps it has nothing to do with God in an interventionist or causal way. Pehaps it is the consequence of my own actions, uncalculated as they may have been. And perhaps God waits, wondering if the talents and brainpower He engineered within this now-bulky body will be put to use. Unleashed, so to speak. Perhaps to break decade old habits.

Will He keep waking me up early to get busy? Will he tweak my conscience to move from thoughts, ideas and conversation to action? Will the tools He sent my way be picked up and applied?

Once upon a time, I believed in the sanctity of inspiration...and moved from the far end of that continuum to embracing the idea that consistent application of fundamentals are the key. We attended a life-purpose seminar early in 2007. Inspiring, yes, but also with the knowledge that the only way to get on with living your purpose are those fundamentals - the daily steps forward.

So, how AM I today? Thinking of hope, thinking of what could be, and thinking of what needs to be. And listening for God's whispers or shouts, however He prefers to serve it up.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Thu, 14 Dec 2006 03:02:13 GMT

I've always been a big believer that attitude determines almost everything in this life. Attitude not only colors what comes out of you but it also acts as a filter for what gets IN. For someone as lazy as I am, attitude is easy to talk about to others and avoid personal application of such basic truths.

As is wont to happen to me (it IS all about me after all) it usually takes some kind of crisis to sneak attack my attitude. After all, I wold much rather golf, watch stocks move, read, listen to music - just about anything but actually work to make things better. Well, a sort of crisis hit today and sneaky as always, caught me off guard and I made a commitment to do something I had ignored for quite awhile. I knew the need was always there, but also knew the work - the cost - it would take to "git 'er done".

Now I am cooked. Made the commitment and I can already feel some new adrenaline released...ideas beginning to flow, not to mention the drive home got shorter. Golly, Ollie - was I wired this way or is it a learned thing? Ah, well, time will tell as the New Year dawns and Rob will be out there for all to see. Failure or success, it'll be obvious.

Coulda already been there and been done. But my "in" filter has been in negative selection mode. Reason "not to" instead of reasons "to". Now that "to" has broken through, I could be in big trouble. Now too many others are counting on me. What is up with THAT?

Now, where are those golf clubs?

Monday, October 30, 2006

Mon, 30 Oct 2006 23:38:10 GMT

Talked with my brother yesterday, sitting at a table under some Spanish oaks at a waterfront bar in Ponce Inlet and draining a cold one. Seems after 4 years or so, he's put himself back on track and is making enough money to keep the house and maybe salt something away. He's now a truck driver, getting better at it, and no time to spend money, only to drive that truck. From Georgia to Chicago out to NJ, back to Chicago, out to DeMoines then down to Georgia again via Chicago. Week after week - putting oh, about 20,000 miles a month on the truck.

Seems to be in good spirits after all this. And he is avoiding people. Which minimizes the stress, for sure. Makes me wonder sometimes - that idea about minimizing stress by avoiding people. There is a case to be made for being a borderline hermit.

But then, I look at the major events in our lives, and what I see is how empty those events - both good and bad - would be without the people involved that we call friends.

Most recently this came home with a surprisingly sharp knock at our daughter's wedding - well, our daughter's and son-in-law's wedding to be exact. We had several good friends bail on attending that event. And a three couples that showed up, with a serious appreciation for the event and for being with us for it. Now I had no idea how much their presence would mean to me, until there they were. And it was a positive jolt that still brings some mist to my dimming eyes. I'll always appreciate those people for helping to make a joyous occasion more joyous than I expected...simply by being there.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Thu, 18 May 2006 22:51:53 GMT

XangaType your first post here, then click "Submit" to publish it to your Xanga Site

Still alive and living in Florida

Thu, 18 May 2006 22:44:30 GMT

Been awhile since words flowed onto this page. Best reason of all to return to this blog is my princess bride daughter and her prince charming.

Some time we spent up in Tom's River, NJ with Brooke and Tim. Outdoor wedding planned for May 13, early afternoon. I flew into wet weather on the Thursday morning, and by Thursday night there was major flooding in northern NJ. As I watched the morning weather report on Friday, it seemed to me to be a similar pattern to what Florida regularly serves up: heavy rains followed by some pretty dramatic clearing.

As we ate breakfast at what could be the new standard for an under-the-radar motel, we were treated to peeks at some blue sky through gray-cotton cloud cover. By 10 am, there was more sun than cloud and the rehearsal under the trees was as fine a spring day as I have ever seen.

The rehearsal dinner at the church felt like a true family gathering - breaking bread with people I had known for decades but only recently came into our family circle. How can such a sense of belonging seep into a group except by God's grace. The video we played (almost a feature movie at 50 minutes+) shared the inner workings of the relationships of Brooke and Tim and the parents as well. The spontaneous response in a video interview can be priceless, and that was what we got. Such an intertwining of belief and love I have only seen before in marriages counted in double digits.

The morning fog burned off quickly the next morning, and we were treated to an almost cloudless sky. Working dilligently at enjoying the moment, it was nothing short of magical to see Brooke morph into the princess bride. And I always find it odd that deep happiness expresses itself in what most would take for an expression of sorrow. Must be the intensity of the moment, or perhaps the fact that there was no reasonable place to shout for joy.....

I wonder if it was simply a matter of her beauty beaming through to display to the world. Or if it was knowing that the planned ceremony would signify things of great value and worth. Or that I knew how much she is loved by her prince of a guy. Or that friends cared enough to travel great distances to join in the celebration. Maybe it was the way her bridesmaids tended to her, looking out for her every need and lifting her up through service.

In the end, it was God at work, in an extended display of grace and glory and love and in the richness of the marriage convenant. Who else could have changed clouds into sun when weather forecasters were forecasting rain and more rain like a wicked chant of doom? Who else could have brought these two together, each filling deep needs in the other? Who else could have knit together a family in which safe harbor was offered to a seeking soul?

Once upon a time, I had an exchange with Brooke about a bible verse, "Delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." This day, these few days, there was great delighting in the Lord...and the desires of many hearts were filled beyond capacity, overflowing for others to see in tears of joy.

So daughter Brooke is now a married woman. And the next stage of our lives begins.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Sun, 09 Oct 2005 05:01:33 GMT

Sometimes I fail God.

Not in the sense of the sins I commit that I know better than to do before I do them.

But when He gives me the responsibility to represent Him to others. To show His love in a way that illuminates. To open eyes, not close a debate. To honor His truth by laying it down.

And I miss the boat. Eyes and thought on an earthly level than His heavenly level.

As the leader of the men's ministry I attend on Friday mornings says, "If it does not promote the glory of God I am not interested." To do otherwise is, well, to undermine that in which I so claim to believe.

Tonight I failed.

Tonight I debated instead of pointing the way to Him.

Left His seat at the table empty.

What was I thinking? Oh, yeah, about me, not Him. About rules, not love. About shame, not honor and respect.

Got it backwards. Not what I know, but how much He cares.

Enough to die that I might live. That I can be free in His sacrifice.

I knew that. Kept it to myself. Kept it down here, on the ground. Rooted in the earthly way.

Who was I fooling?

Not God. Not them. But me.

For a short while.

Then He wakes me up and lets me know.

Fooled me. Not Him.

And I know.

He does that to call me back to Him. In the hopes that this time I'll stay there.

And if I don't, He'll call again. Always waiting.

He'll call. Always forgiving.

He'll call. Always amazing.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Sun, 25 Sep 2005 02:48:54 GMT

Funny Times

Visiting parents in their 80s is a life-learning experience.

Learning not just about growing old. But also about patience. And about discovering more of where I come from.

Seeing the disconnects. Fondness expressed. And frustrations with things that don't work quite right any more.

Things like knees. Hearing. The connections in the mind. Losing threads of conversation.

Then surprising humor and laughs that bring studied glances from around us in the restaurant.

Feeling my own things beginning not to work right.

But still. Mom enjoys eating sweet stuff. And now drinks coffee. (Coffee!) And patiently asks Dad to keep his cool, no need to lose his patience with her. Tables turned now, as she becomes sensitive and asks for sensitive back.

Dad gamely staggering around 18 and only losing by 7 strokes. And lobbing those shots nice and soft, rolling across the buttery green carpet, nestling up close to the cup.

Seeing a brother as he is. And understanding being stuck. How different we think and see.

And that sweet, wonderful feeling of a golf ball flying off of a club face pure and straight. When but a brief few seconds earlier, wondering where the swing had hidden itself away.

Playing on a wonderfully carved layout, through woods, water and hills. One of the best ever, coming when the tee times were messed up so badly, they arranged for a free foursome at a course 20 miles away.

Relax and trust. Listen and learn. Look inside while absorbing outside. Not judging but appreciating.

And knowing that its a choice. To be who and what we want to be.

Funny times. Not what I expected.

But I'll take it.

Monday, September 19, 2005

Mon, 19 Sep 2005 00:45:13 GMT

Ying and Yang

Ah, those two imposters. One says life is good. The other says not so good.

Good is playing golf after a two month layoff. Clear sunny skies. No one in front of us, no one behind. The swing in a groove. Break 90 and play in less than 4 hours. Great shots, good company. Best part is my partner this day also breaks 90, for the first time ever. His low round. He played with me when I shot my career low round about 3 years ago, shortly after major lung surgery. Life is good and comes in complete circles.

Not so good is a family member in distress and not being there for them. Distance is a part of parent/child life. But when in trouble, the parent frets and stews. wishing for better, wanting to fix things. But so unable.

Not so good is being in a house alone for 4 days. Stewing in my own juices looking at the mess I've made and what needs to be cleaned up. But prefering to watch football, sportsnews, and golf while munching on some popcorn and popping the cap off on a longneck and chilling out. This oneness of marriage is definitely a real thing. She's away on a well-deserved visit to her brother in BC. Me wishing (which works every time) that I was there too and why not permanently? That realization is a good thing, oddly flowing from the not so good of her not being here.

Good is starting a new job, with new people and new work. Time to learn again, and put some skills into play. The honeymoon period will carry us through Christmas, and perhaps along with the new year, we can extend that good time another month or so. But most important is the cash flow that keeps the bills paid and prevents us from having to dip into the nest egg to keep going. God is at work, a work of mercy for sure.

Good is taking off for Michigan this Friday for three days of golf, cards, food and fun with my brother and my Dad. Not sure how long this can go on, but while he is healthy we are gonna do these things.

Ying and yang. Likely would not appreciate the ying if not for the yang. So no complaints this Sunday night as we round the final corner of the steamy Florida summer, slipping into the open arms of the cooler autumn time.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Wed, 14 Sep 2005 23:52:16 GMT

Life

Funny thing, the human psyche. The games the mind plays. The doubts that come, not creeeping in, but in an overwhelming flood. Threatening to swamp the life raft of my life.

This despite a long road littered with business success, great work, great results. An encouraging mate who believes I can do just about anything.

Then a small, distant connection sends me an email and lets me know that article I wrote is being published. Someone else hands me a check for some video work just started as a gesture of goodwill and repayment for past kindnesses. A voice speaks to me about ministry instead of a business. And a job offer looms that would kick in just as the last drop of income from consulting dries up. All within a few days. One on top of the other. From hidden corners I never looked in.

Why would I ever doubt. What is it that gets those synapses firing which spiral the mind downward, when the need is to look up.

Once upon a time, a long time ago, I heard some excellent advice. It was an idea whose power I only am beginning to grasp some 20 years later. First and foremost, get your mind right. Once you do that, almost anything is possible.

Possibilities and opportunities. Right in front of me all the time. Just didn't see it. The mind was not right.

A matter of a decision. A commitment. A belief.

The mind matters.

Get it right.