Currently Playing Heavier Things By John Mayer see related

So I have not written on xanga for a whole year. Usually i'm not a big fan of xanga except to read only because i'm super lazy and i never have a spare moment to gather my thoughts onto a coherent page. This probably won't be coherent but..what the heck..at least i'm trying.

I guess the only reason I wanted to write is just cuz there are sooo many feelings and emotions going through my head right now. Excitement for the summer and the coming year. Sadness for the friends that are leaving UCLA. And the just overall anxiety and ,surprisingly, peace for what lies ahead. God has helped me grow and need him throughout the past three years. I can remember coming in as a freshman and being incredibly naive and clueless. However, three years have gone by in a blink, and now i'm standing in front of my fourth and final year at UCLA.  And still...very much Never Been Kissed thank you very much...unless you count my wonderful "open relationship" bf Bank, who provides me with much love and affection..but yea..that doesn't count. I still am that girl who loves to be held and petted, who loves the touch of someones hand, and still believes in being swept off her feet.

Of course, in these past three years, especially this year, I've learned to stand on my own two feet. God has been my rock through everything. Even when I told Him to not worry about me, or when I came crawling back, hoping that He was still there. And every time...He's there. Patiently guiding me and holding me up when I am weak..which is all the time. He's challenged me to really look inside myself and find what it is that He wants of me and what He has in store for me. I still don't know what that is exactly...but I can't wait to find out.

The friends that I've made this year have surpassed my expectations. From my Ostaff buddies to my Down Crew and the boys that live South of Wilshire to my apartment to my besty....they have helped me to grow more than I could even imagine. The acquaintances that I've met this year..the lovely, amazing people that I've only talked to a couple times, have also been extremely important to me. Though some of them are graduating...I hope that our paths cross again...and maybe someday...i can really get to know them and tell them how important they are to me and my future. Yesterday in an interview, someone asked me what the most important thing was at UCLA. My answer: the people. Each and every person I have met at UCLA has been a part of me and a part of the person that I will become. God has blessed me with amazing friends and family. He has given me men that have given me faith that my waiting isn't for nothing. The few men in my life have affirmed my belief that there God has someone for me. Someone who is worth waiting for and worth keeping my first kiss for. It's oh so silly to keep waiting...but i've waited 20 years to be kissed...i can hold on for a couple more. And not to forget the women i've met. I've never met such strong and supportive women. I've never been the girl who's clique-y, and sometimes..i try to avoid it. But the ladies I've met and have gotten to know are just incredible.

But this year hasn't been all ups. There has definitely been some downs that still hurt. Friendships that have changed and people that I miss. Worries about the future are still here, and sometimes I wonder if all that I've done is for nothing. The insecurities come up sometime and all i can do is give them to God. Only He can give me some sort of peace that I can never find in people. Only He has the strength that is strong enough to hold me up.

So I'm digressing...here's what I wanted to say...to all those that are graduating...I give you my thanks and undying love to you. You have helped become the woman I am today. You'v shown me what love is and the amazing power it has on people. You have shown me how to care for others...even if it means to care less about yourself. You've given me the gift of friendship, which is something that I can't buy. Don't forget little ol me here at UCLA. Don't ever think that I'm too busy because I love you. More than any xanga page could express.

Home is really really great...i slept until 1:30 PM today and watched movies! Candice is here and it's a lot of fun. Shopping, movies, and sleeping are the basics of summer fun.

I miss school though.  UCLA is so crazy and so fast-paced. There is just so much to do. Virginia and Anya-I miss you guys.  My room isn't the same without you guys.

So i realize that I get dejuvu whenever i go through i major moment in life.  My cousin told me that dejavu means that you're going in the right path.  The first and last days of school were totally dejavu.  I guess i'm going in the right direction.  I'm ready for a new  year.  With new experiences new people, but also ready to see my old friends. 

I'm going back to UCLA in a couple days.  Working fulltime will be a new experience.  But let the fun begin!!!

All I can say is that i'm the luckiest girl on the planet.  I'm have been so blessed this year with two wonderful girls to be room-mates with.  Anya and Virginia, I love you guys! Going random was probably the best decision i made coming to UCLA.  These two girls are sooo awesome.  Each of them has her own style, but they are both so sweet and fun.  I've had such a great year in this room that i can't even imagine this year any other way.  This year has been so awesome.

There has been many firsts this year.  My first year away from home, first year as a Bruin, first Internal Affairs retreat (or anything close to that), first relationship (which didn't turn out so well...but oh well), first 3.3 GPA ever, first time paying for my credit card, first sleeping in, first time i got chocolates during Valentines Day, first time at a foam party, first time in a cage (ask me later), and so many other firsts. I definitely have to say that this year has been amazing.  I've met so many people who've challenged me, who've made me really think about myself and what i stand for.  Though I do have one regret of not finding a fellowship.  Because of time conflicts and just being super busy, i wasn't able to go to church regularly, but I think God taught me many things through people. My interactions with people challenged me to be strong in my beliefs.  I didn't hang out with the holiest of people, but it was through them that i learned that doing that kinda stuff isn't bad.  Sometimes the meanest and cruelest things are done while people are sober.  Thanks to all who taught me to look within, rather than at the outside.

I'm looking around my room and it's sooo depressing.  Anya's stuff is packed and mine is just about there. It's so weird that time goes by so fast and that i have to leave this haven.  This room has been my refuge for sooo long. Away fromt he madness. I've cried, laughed, screamed, and totally been stupid in this room, and my room-mates have been there for through thick and thin.  But now..things are changing.  I realize though change is good. Change makes things better. i wouldn't have met so many great people or had such great roommates if i hadn't left high school behind.  There are so many stages.  So many metamorphosises that we all must go through so that we get better and better.

To all my friends..thank you for making me the person i am today...

betty--you have been my kindred spirit this year. I've made you a little bit more Asian, and you made me a bit more white.  I remember meltdown and how much fun we had...i knew that there would be more to come.  You've been there through my sad, hard, and stressful times, but also been a part of my great and wonderful times.  You're my gamma phi sis, and I'm just so blessed to know you.  You are going to go sooo far in life.  In you i see the determination to do something positive.  To be totally out there and awesome...i'm so lucky to have known you.  To have met you this year, and to have such a grat friendship.. Good luck in italy.  Basta! Basta! hehe...i'm going to miss you sooo much..i don't even know what i'll do with myself.  I love you so much...thank you!

Anya--You are my advisor.  I am so lucky to have you here.  haha...but of course the madness isn't over.  We're going to see so much of each other next year..i mean..we're going to be ROOM-MATES!! Party in 222!!! it's going to be so great.  Thank you for being there for me.  We've been there for each other when we were both down.  We wiped away the tears and made it through our first year.  You're like a sister to me, and i'm so lucky to have you as a room-mate again next year. Muah!!! Remember no framing and just think...DOUBLE!

Virginia--You have been my inspiration this year.  Thanks for instilling in me the love for Jason Mraz and Sara Bareilles.  This room wouldn't have been the same without your gasping sleeps and funny noises.  I've loved our late nights in the dark and all the fun singing moments.  Thanks for bringing out the singer in me.  never give up your standards.  Keep wishing for your Prince Charning cuz he's going to come. I know for sure that the guy you end up with is going to be sooo awesome.  He is going to be wonderful, and sing like Jason Mraz. :)

To both my room-mates--Thanks for your patience with my clutter, rants about all my problems, and my silliness when i stress.  Thanks for putting up with my open-eyed sleeping, and my leaving the door bolted.  I remember my first day here...i prayed for a good year. I prayed that I would get along with my room-mates and at least get through the year without any tension.  Everyday when i come into the room...i'm home.  I'm excited to see you guys.  Virginia, I'm goign to miss you sooooo much. Come visit when you need a hideaway or a place to chill.  I'm going to miss singing with you sooo much.  You guys...this is just the beginning..The beginning of our search for Mr. Perfect, for getting where we want to go, to be totally awesome girls.  You both are beautiful.  I love you guys!