Hello World

wow its been awhile! its been so long since i posted but i do come read a little of my subscriptions sometimes. i just get too lazy to post. but since the school term is warming up, (its my last term) and it seems, as usual, somehow, i start to spend more and more time checking my email, message boards, and xanga whenever the term heats up. in the last few weeks i start to check my email every few hours. its so weird. 

coming back on here i see my last post was when i was still high over the cIick 5, which i seem to dread hearing now. lol. i cant believe i am still susceptible to "teenage infatuation". and that incredibly hot guy that i wrote about, he still hasn't made that dvd for me yet. i dont know if i should take a hint or if he is truly a procrastinator like i am. he says he is trying to fix a hiccup or two, that the dvd is more or less done but he wants to do it properly. i really have no idea if he just doesn't want to meet me, but i am confused here because each time i text him its always pretty warm and friendly and chatty, he doesn't give those replies that kind of shut you down, like monosyllabic replies u dish out when u really aren't interested in carrying on a conversation. whenever we text he does talk quite a bit and seems pretty interested in what i do. and he is fond of adding a smiley face in his texts. like this :) isn't that the cutest. but do friendly texts mean anything? i think i should leave him be. prick!

i'm writing today mainly because of this guy, lets call him Tiger. i met him some years back and now he happens to be in my class. i always suspected he might be gay because, he is pretty vain, narcissistic, dresses pretty darn well, is pretty well built but isn't too much into sports. he is quite the hottie actually, and hasn't had a girlfriend since, i dunno, day 1. of course, this judging by this "list" of stereotypes is pretty fucking offensive and i dont like it either but it seems to be "The checklist"; like as though its the most natural thing in the world, when ur trying to figure someone out.

what i dont like about this guy is that he can be pretty superficial, and insecure, and high maintenance, like a baby. he always requites some cajoling before he warms out of his self-conscious shell, and is sometimes stiff like he thinks people are looking at him. i dont like it. and i dont like how when i introduced one of my friends, this other guy, he almost totally diverted all his attention to him for the whole course of the lecture. not flirty attention, but just, the usual guy-guy banter. i'm not sure why but i was a little irritated, i dont know if its because dont like other guys pawing on that particular friend of mine, or if it was the sudden drop of interaction with me the moment something new came up. is there a word for this? disloyal? our mutual friends have quite a bit to gripe about Tiger as well, such as his jekyl-and-hyde weirdness, one moment he can be really chummy and the next cooled down to zero degrees. its quite a silly petty grievance but it bothers me a bit, about the nature of the person.

anyway.... it seems that i am very much physically attracted to this animal that is Tiger. a few days ago he invited me to go swimming and skating, but i didn't take him up on the offer because i still thought that investing myself and my time with this guy was just a waste of time. but as of yesterday i realise i have been flirting with him pretty relentlessly. he'd come to school smelling all nice and i'd act dumb and ask if it was his cologne, then lean forward into his chest breathing his scent. we'd be sitting together for class, chatting, and my arm would be resting on his table and he'd keep brushing against my arm. its electricity. perfectly normal sentences that come out of my mouth, they sound dirty just because i'd casually move my face really close to his for just those few seconds, look him in the eye while delivering my line with somewhat of a cocky grin. i realised anything can sound dirty after u do that.  yesterday he came across some banner ad featuring ripped abs on some website and showed it out to me, at which point i took the opportunity to grope his midsection. he groaned a little when i was doing that, but i was watching him and with that look on his face he might as well be purring like a kitten.

i'm not sure about international standards, but where i live all this behaviour is walking pretty darn close to the line separating "acceptable straight" / "gay" behaviour. probably more gay than straight. but as far as we're concerned we are still pretty much just two guys, hanging out. i dont know if i should go all the way with Tiger. i actually had a dream where we were doing it (but no, it wasn't a wet dream). he's hot as hell, but the fallout, if any, would be messy. he's one big emotional kid. plus i'm not sure if i want to out myself to another guy again, even though i enjoyed some pretty hot times the last time it happened. but the prospect of possibly making the wrong choice just kills me.

anyway... heres a picture i found which is insanely hot. click for the large version, u know u want to :) have a good week ahead everyone.

so i finally get to see the droolsome Boston band CLlCK 5 live in person, living and breathing! they had this showcase and it was quite an intimate affair at a small club. the girls were screaming so damn loudly my ears were gonna burst. whats incredible is the band was playing a mere TWELVE FEET away from me, geez. it was such a treat. but one other highlight of the night which i think i was more excited about was me getting the number of this HOT piece of candyman! haha that sounds so funny. 

the band performed about 5 or 7 songs in ear splitting volume, and then we had this autograph session. but before that there was this sort of encore, they were apparently going to film scenes for a music video. so then kyIe the lead singer turned on his puppy dog charm (actually, its never turned off) and pleaded with everyone to stop with the flashing cameras for just this song because it would mess with the recording. i noticed this guy in front of me, lo and behold it was the cutie i was stealing glances at from awhile back when we were queuing to get in. he was really cute. ok make that hot.... slightly shorter than me, had this mischievious handsome square jawed face, a rocking body and a thick neck which i love. of course not too thick. his hair, it was interesting, it was minimally styled, a little messed, like he didn't put any effort into it. of course, thats how its supposed to look but this guy looked like he really didn't care. hotness. Hotness! so there i was moshing just inches away behind him and he's holding in his hand the biggest, most badass tool.... some really expensive looking video recorder. he was trying his best to get a good recording since for this particular song and since the rabid girls were told not to wave their hands in the air so this was a hella good opportunity to get a good video capture. but there were these 3 peroxide blondies who weren't local, they were having too much fun and were seemingly unaware that one of them was swaying her shoulder into his recording on every other beat. after awhile i got really disturbed, lol, disturbed enough to tap her shoulder really nicely to let her know she was blocking the recording. she turned around and laughed it off and i couldn't make out what she said over the music. right after that hottie boy stops recording and puts away his camera (wtf?) and i'm like hey no no i'm not security or anything, coz there were people going around reprimanding the errant camera happy kids and he seemed abit jumpy about being seen with a camera and he was like "oh yeah its ok anyway i captured the previous recording". so the song goes on... i just mill around behind him and made a mental note to drool over his freaking solid arms at the end of the song when he was punching the air doing all that stuff people do at the end of a song. after the music's died down i put my hand on his shoulder and start talking to him, i wanted to ask if he would make a copy of all the pictures and videos for me since i didn't have any camera with me. he said he would be uploading them on youtube but i said the quality would be pretty crappy, so then he said ok yeah sure and we exchanged numbers, and made out! ok cancel that last bit of fantasy. so then the gig was over and i didn't see him after that... and i was wondering when it was suitable to text him to set up a meeting for the pictures. i decided 11:30pm would be good time to text him, since the gig ended pretty early at 930. i hoped he wasn't going to be partying away til late because the last thing u want would be some strange person texting and bugging u about pictures. but i got a reply pretty quickly in about 20 minutes. i was so giddy with glee he texted back, like some schoolgirl bitch on her first crush. then it gets... interesting. he starts chatting me up fast-n-furious, like whoa! he starts off asking where i live (!) (near him woot!) what do i study, (he does design), what kind of music do i like... (he doesn't like hip hop and rap either) it was reaaaaally friendly. of course that's a plus rather than getting an overly polite reception, but its like friendly to the point i would be starting to be a little uncomfortable if i wasn't interested in him.

so whats the take on this one? 
i can't wait to meet him. i'm going to buy him coffee. i'll drug him and we'll make out under the stars.

what is it with hypermasculine guys rocking the feminine look.

i was on the train today and there was this guy who was hot... i promise you. even if it was only his silhouette it would be enough to set me off. he was tall, brooding, packing meat in all the right places... but not overly sinewy or vascular like the kind of veins-popping look that hardcore bodybuilders favor. it was a perfectly natural smooth build which i find really hot. so i was there trying not to slip over the puddle of drool i made... ok i just took a few long glances at him. i found it interesting the way he dressed... he wore a baby pink tee, and had long hair, part of which was tied into a ponytail that stuck out prominently at the back of his head, like u know, the way the really young girls do it in preschool. it would be downright girly, with the pink and the hair, if he wasn't so buff.  

i knew he knew i was looking, because of the way u know someone's looking at u but u dont want to look over and see the person staring. later on i got off the train, and when i turned to walk down the stairs i was surprised to see that hotstuff had gotten off at the same stop as i did and was currently repaying the favor by scrutinising his starer. i must've gone overboard with the blatant-ness. i was immediately having all kinds of restroom fantasies... which lasted all of ... 10 glorious seconds. that fantasy was nixed partly for the fact that the restroom here was plain FILTHY! after i got out of the station i was walking about in a pretty random fashion as i hadn't decided which way i wanted to go yet. i decided to go the other way and made a 180 degree turn, and almost bumped right into mr hotstuff himself who was tailing right behind me.

hmm.

and that just about fulfills my daily quota of "is that hottie gay or straight?" turmoil.

i dont usually go gaga over teenybopper bands and their emo.. bullshit. but, i dont know why... the new lead singer of the click five has been on my mind alot the past 2 days after i saw their music video. he didn't make much of an impression in photos, but when i saw the video somehow it was captivating, the way he moves, he sings. he's so low key. i love low key guys. and no i don't mean his voice. it doesn't hurt that the song is so damn catchy.... JENNY, ITS KILLIN' ME! i was wishing they'd release a gay version. titled "DANNY", that'd be a suitable name innit? just like what levis did for their gay/straight ad campaign where the gay version had a guy (instead of the girl, duh) in the phone booth popping up from the ground doing the flirty glances. (go youtube it, the phone booth guy is smokin...) i mean if avril lavigne can do japanese, korean, german and french versions of her "Girlfriend" single, i dont see how it hurts to expand your fanbase, plus with such minimal effort too lol.

oh yes... his name is Kyle Patrick. i think.

to hear hi-quality (well, better than youtube quality) streaming audio of "jenny", click here. interview and more streaming audio here. only because i am so infatuated right now.