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	be mute and still and the truth will find you.

godspeed_you_black_emperor

Name: david roberts
Metro: Siloam Springs
Gender: Male

Interests: my paintings and my journal.
Expertise: Trying to live my life peaceful and selfless. Growing to be a good person. Truth. Family & friends. Amy Katherine Golden the love of my life. Field recording and sampling. Editing and programming. Macintosh products. Alien 8 Recordings. Constellation Records. Atmospheric/Ambient Epic Post-Punk.

Message: message me
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Member Since: 1/8/2005

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Wednesday, June 22, 2005

	you should hate me. hate me. -david.
	8:47 AM - 6 views - 66 eprops - 37 comments - email it

06/20/05
david roberts to amy golden.

"i'll do whatever i can to fix the problems and keep us together, amy."
"i'll never ever leave you. don't ever worry about that. i never want us to be apart. i love you."
"i'm gonna marry you someday."
"i'll protect you. i won't let you get hurt."
"you mean so much to me."

no, i'm not "mocking you." i'm reminding you. judging from tonight you seem to have forgotten things you said yesterday.

06/21/05
david roberts to amy golden

"i'm so sick of it and you."
"why don't you just get rid of me now and get it over with?"

it sure doesn't sound like i mean very much.

i don't know what to believe.
i do know that if i don't hear from you soon, you aren't going to hear from me for a long time. if you refuse to even make an effort to work things out or even give me the opportunity to try and talk to you, it's obvious that this relationship doesn't mean very much to you at all. i care about you and i love you very much, david. but that doesn't mean i'm just going to do nothing and not say anything when there is a problem. i am not interested in being in a relationship where i am the only one who cares. yes, you're sweet. and i appreciate it very much. it's something very hard to find. but that's not enough to keep a relationship going. any kid of relationship. it takes real stuff that sticks around when things aren't romantic or going so smooth. and if you're just going to completely cut me off then things get a little rough, it's obvious that you don't care much about us at all.
i did not expect you to think twice about putting me on hold for 20 minutes because i am your girlfriend. i expected that because i am a person just like you and it's just common decency. i would have been this upset with anyone. and if i'd done it to you, you'd have been a little unhappy too.
also. i know what i think is right. and i know exactly how i feel 100 percent of the time. [freaking gold star, huh?] and i am so tired of you constantly chastizing me for being sure of myself and standing up for what i believe. i am never going to stop that. you know that by now.

so if you would like to show me that you really care about things and stay together [like you told me yesterday], you give me a call as soon as you read this. dont' "give yourself a few hours to think." sorry. but this can't wait. if you decide i don't mean enough to you to even talk to me, none of the above will happen.

the next move is yours now. you hung up and i tried to call you back. i tried to IM you. this is the most direct communication i can manage.
i'll drop all of this if you'll just care.

edit.
i apologize if any of this is a little hard to read. i typed in a hurry.

1:00 AM - 1 view - 8 eprops - 5 comments - email it

i have come across greed. anger. warning. fear. in many aspects today.
a young man found me in a store to warn me if my friends and i ever mess with his girlfriend again that he'll find me and make me wish i were dead. i've encountered a wise and faithful man to tell me that i have evil growing inside me and that i have demons latched on to me. i've encountered the fear of a young man calling to question my trust and honesty with him and his family and someone questioning my fancy for another and i was enraged and let my ugly side get a hold of me. i've had an odd day.

age 18 going on 19.
age 15 staying 15 for the time being.
if a boy that is 18 that is going to trun 19 and he has a girlfriend that is 15 and wont turn 16 before the boy turns 19 and their having sex and someone finds out or she gets pregnant they[meaning some figure of authority] can charge him with statutory rape and could serve up to 10 years in prison. so either double package that penis or just don't have sex. dumbasses.

don't ever question my trust unless i have done something to prove you otherwise. it's insulting.

their isn't a pharmacy open usually after 5-7. which is terrible. my mom has diabetes and if she doesn't have the right care such as having her insulin she could very easily pass out or just have one freaking bad temper. heh. she drives to wal-mart. closed. she drives to usa drug. just closed on her wouldn't open up for to get just one thing. lights still on. employes still there. bullcrap. she drives to a local drugs store jepsons and they are closed. then she called the emergency room and say she could come down there incase of an emergency. which of course would cost one hell of a chunk of change which we don't have. i just wish their was at least a pharmacy that was open till midnight or something incase of a serious emergency that wouldn't hurt her in the money department.

my two friends kyle and kurt came home yesterday from europe and that makes me very happy. we'll play fable together and eat a lot of food because that's what fat nerds do. i need to pick up hobbies again. i miss how things used to be when i would play video games all day and go on walks and just be alone and i would write and read a lot. it was nice and peaceful.

i'm typing out my mom an e-mail. explaining why i don't need school. how the school system if curropt and not doing what it is made for. to inspire. to encouarage. to help. nothing. it's all gone. their turning young potential intelligent students into brainwashed mush that think they have to do this and that and this and that to make it in life. i want to be a musician. a psalter. praise through music. i have a so much ambition through that it's crazy. if you know me then you already know what i'm talking about.

i just want you to all know that i know that you know that i have a lot of problems with amy from time to time and things can get really tough. well, that goes for any relationship. just know that i love her and i'm glad she is my friend.

i went to talk to a preacher today. i talked to him about how i have been thinking about my struggle in my relationship with god lately. things will be okay.

i just want to get away. i need him. i want to be alone.

12:11 AM - 1 view - 2 eprops - 1 comment - email it

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Currently Playing
De-Loused in the Comatorium
By The Mars Volta
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i come home from a long day. i see laying on my desk next to my keyboard a letter from my mom. it's really cute and it's a light seafoam green with a nice little parrot on it.

david-
: If it hurts you to look back or frightens you to look ahead then just look beside you..I'll be there.... always and forever love...mom. :

i miss the feeling of knowing that everything is going to be alright. i blame myself.

8:50 AM - 1 view - 14 eprops - 9 comments - email it

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Currently Playing
Ceux Qui Inventent N'ont Jamais Vécu
By Fly Pan Am
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relax. move slow. don't push it. you'll regret it.
you need something. what is it? you don't know.
then move on.

i hate you david.

12:00 AM - 1 view - email it

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