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Monday, February 11, 2008

  • Nice Guys...

    "What Happened to All the Nice Guys?"

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Date: 2007-11-19, 3:52AM PST

    What happened to all the nice guys?

    The answer is simple: you did.

    See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you.

    At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.

    Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?"

    Well, once again, you did.

    You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.

    Fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.

    So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do:

    1.) Build a time machine.
    2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
    3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab ahold of it.

    I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.

    If you were five years younger.

    So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've fucked yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't fucking want you, now.

    Sincerely,

    A Recovering Nice Guy

    ========================
    I couldn't have written it myself any better.  Hit the nail right on the head...

Saturday, January 19, 2008

  • ...Letting Go...My Epiphany...

    I am willing to trust. I know that to the degree I am willing to give up my search for a healthy love relationship, I can have it. I know I can have whatever I am ready and willing to receive. Individual receptivity is everything. Without it, nothing changes. With it, all things are possible. I no longer insist upon my choice.

    I know that the only thing I lose when I let go of something I am afraid to live without, is the fear itself. I am stronger than anything that frightens me!

    I let go of the past, and I am free to think clearly and positively in the present. I am not my past.

    Letting go is the natural release which always follows the realisation that holding on is an energy drain and it hurts. Letting go happens effortlessly when there is no other choice. Letting go does not mean giving up.

    Letting go is a journey that never ends. Never. It only begins -- over and over again -- each time I can glimpse something higher than my own painful certainty over who I think I am. There is always something higher; a life beyond the limits of my present sight.

    To see what is farther I must be willing to lift my eyes from their present point of focus. Release always follows revelation and real revelation is always a glimpse of something that was only just out of sight.

    I know that stress in my love relationship exists because I insist! What I resist, persists. I am tied to whatever I avoid.

    It is a mistaken belief that I must push my love relationship in the direction I choose that keeps me in a strained and unhappy relationship with it. Reality has its own effortless course, and I can either embrace its way or struggle endlessly with mine.

    I let go of that part of myself that is certain it is better to suffer and feel like someone than it is to just let go and quietly be no one. I give birth to a new me that never has to hold on to anything because it is already everything.

    I dare to walk away from all of the familiar but useless mental and emotional relationships that give me a temporary but unsatisfactory sense of self. My true identity is calling me and to hear it I must be willing to endure, for as long as necessary, the fear of self-uncertainty.

    This form of seeming self-abandonment eventually turns into my greatest pleasure as it becomes increasingly evident that the only thing certain about fear is that it will always compromise me. When it comes to who I really am, there is no compromise.

    Let go of the past. The past is yesterday. It is irretrievable. When you relate to the past, you relate to no one or any thing. You are literally talking to yourself. No one else is listening. You have already heard all you have to say about that, so, let go.

    "You cannot really not let go what has already gone. It must be, therefore, that you are maintaining the illusion that it has not gone because you think it serves some purpose that you want fulfilled."

    It is certifiable insanity to conjure up your own reality based on the past and relate to it, rather than to relate to the present which is the only reality.

    I say goodbye to the past and hello to the present.

    I am enthusiastic about who I am becoming! I know that no one sincerely asks for a new life until they are thoroughly dissatisfied with the old one. I am and I let go. When I allow myself to let go of what is old, I stay true to what is new.

    I believe that as with all insight, higher understanding itself contains not only the instructions I must follow, but the strength I will need to carry them out.

    Starting life over again is the key to a new me. I see the beauty and significance of starting over - over and over and over. Every present moment is always new and new is always right now! The new dies to the ever-new in an endless celebration of Life.

    This is it!

    I live in the present. I never let the past dictate the direction of the present moment. I give my best to my endeavors.

    What lies ahead for me can only be good.

    True peace and harmony are a part of who I am.

    I have come to the realisation that what is possible for me to become only truly changes when I am willing to see what is impossible for me to continue being.

    My true nature is already fully independent and flying freely. I have found my wings.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

  • The Perfect Heart

    Just a continuation of the stuff that I have collected along the years...just thought I'd share it with you all...

    The Perfect Heart


    One day a young man was standing in the middle of the town proclaiming that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley. A large crowd gathered and they all admired his heart for it was perfect. There was not a mark or a flaw in it. Yes, they all agreed it truly was the most beautiful heart they had ever seen. The young man was very proud and boasted more loudly about his beautiful heart.

    Suddenly, an old man appeared at the front of the crowd and said, "Why your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine." The crowd and the young man looked at the old man's heart. It was beating strongly, but full of scars, it had places where pieces had been removed and other pieces put in, but they didn't fit quite right and there were several jagged edges. In fact, in some places there were deep gouges where whole pieces were missing. The people stared -- how can he say his heart is more beautiful, they thought?

    The young man looked at the old man's heart and saw its state and laughed. "You must be joking," he said. "Compare your heart with mine, mine is perfect and yours is a mess of scars and tears." "Yes," said the old man, "yours is perfect looking but I would never trade with you. You see, every scar represents a person to whom I have given my love - I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them, and often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the empty place in my heart, but because the pieces aren't exact, I have some rough edges, which I cherish, because they remind me of the love we shared.

    Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away, and the other person hasn't returned a piece of his heart to me. These are the empty gouges -- giving love is taking a chance. Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for these people too, and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?"

    The young man stood silently with tears running down his cheeks. He walked up to the old man, reached into his perfect young and beautiful heart, and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old man with trembling hands. The old man took his offering, placed it in his heart and then took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the wound in the young man's heart. It fit, but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges. The young man looked at his heart, not perfect anymore but more beautiful than ever, since love from the old man's heart flowed into his. They embraced and walked away side by side.

    Author Unknown

  • A friend in need? A friend indeed!

    I was speaking to a good friend today about life, love, etc.

    It doesnt surprise me that at least 1 of my close friends at any point in time, will have something deeply troubling them.  I do my best to assist, despite my own personal dilemma's.  Everytime though, I find out that in helping them, I'm helping myself also.  Maybe it's God's own way of making me help myself?  I dunno...

    Well this recent occurance leads on to the topic of...you guessed it...LOVE.  The pain that some (I'm placing my money on ALL, but I have no proof to back that up) people get into a position of not knowing what to do.  Do they stay with the person they think they love, or do they leave?  There's pro's & con's to both.  I guess its just a matter of choice.  In trying to help them out, I went to my archives of advice, stories, etc that ppl have given me across the years...came up with this little gem...



    Sometimes, in our relentless efforts to find the person we love, we fail to recognize and appreciate the people who love us. We miss out on so many beautiful things and simply because we allow ourselves to be enslaved by our own selfish concerns. Go for the person of deeds and not for the person of words for you will find rewarding happiness not with the person you love but to the person who loves you more. The best lovers are those capable of loving from a distance far enough to allow the person to grow, but never too far to feel the love deep within your being.

    TO LET GO OF SOMEONE DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO STOP LOVING, IT ONLY MEANS THAT YOU ALLOW THAT PERSON TO FIND HIS/HER OWN HAPPINESS WITHOUT EXPECTING HIM TO COME BACK.

    Letting go is not just setting the other person free, but it is also setting yourself free from all bitterness, hatred and anger that keep in your heart. Do not let the bitterness rare you away your strength and weaken your faith, and never allow pain to dishearten you, but rather let you grow with wisdom in bearing it. You may find peace in just loving someone from a distance not expecting anything in return. But be careful, for this can sustain life but can never give enough room for us to grow. We can all survive with just beautiful memories of the past but real peace and happiness come only with open acceptance of what reality is today. There comes a time in our lives when we chance upon someone so nice and beautiful and we just find ourselves getting so intensely attracted to that person.
    This feeling soon become a part of our everyday lives and eventually consumes our thoughts and actions. The sad part of it is when we begin to realize that this person feels nothing more for us that just friendship.
    We start our desperate attempt to get noticed and be closer but in the end our efforts are still unrewarded and we end up being sorry for ourselves. You don't have to forget someone you love. What you need to learn is how to accept the verdict of reality without being bitter or sorry for yourself. Believe me, you would be better off giving that dedication and love to someone more deserving. Don't let your heart run your life, be sensible and let your mind speak for itself. Listen not only to your feelings but to reason as well. Always remember, that if you lose someone today, it means that someone better is coming tomorrow: if you lose love that doesn't mean that you failed in love.

    Cry if you have to, but make it sure that the tears wash away the hurt and the bitterness that the past has left with you. Let go of yesterday and love will find its way back to you and when it does, pray that it may be the
    love that will stay and last a lifetime. There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is though everything is a miracle.


Monday, January 14, 2008

  • A prisoner of my own thoughts...

    It's been 2 weeks now that she left through my door for the very last time.  As I walk around the place I catch glimpses of her, thoughts are running through my head.  Thoughts of what could have been, a future full of endless possibilities.  I try and make myself look away, but despite the fact that I can no longer see, hear, smell, feel her touch, I can still feel her deep in my heart.  My subconscious reaches out for her...a longing of being appreciated, captivated...LOVED.  

    Everyone is telling me that 'Time heals all wounds" & "Let love go, if it comes back you know its yours, if it doesn't, it was never yours to begin with"  I thank everyone for the kind words of support & encouragement, and I guess to a certain degree the not so kind words.

    I think my thinking will follow a similar path to what Marilyn Monroe had to say about it all...

    "I believe everything happens for a reason. People change so you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so you you can appreciate them when they go right. You believe lies so you learn to eventually trust no one but yourself. and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."


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