no more countdowns

So i was looking at when i last updated this xanga and it was when I was counting down til graduation.

well ... no more need for that!

i am officially A COLLEGE GRADUATE!

i feel that life has just begun for me.  I graduated from nursing school at CUA, i have a job lined up, i am focusing on myself to get healthier, i am organizing my life and preparing to take the nclex, i am looking into a new car, maybe getting engaged by the end of this year (CROSSES FINGERS), keeping in touch with great friends, and overall just enjoying life!  for once thing, i never knew how bright the sun is when it rises until i actually watched the sun rose.  it is so great.  so beautiful.  its a way of God saying GOOD MORNING!  THIS DAY IS ALL YOURS AND DO WHAT YOU WANT WITH IT.  IT IS A BLESSING AND USE IT WISELY!  i never saw the sunrise like this, but i really like sunrises now.

well hopefully ill be all prepared for the nclex when that comes around, be the best women and infant nurse i can be and just make myself proud and happy.

alright.  ill try to keep this updated more often! 
PEACE OUT

J<3RDAN

67 days and counting

not really sure how to start this xanga ... so i just am.

last week was supposed to be a break.  but there was no break at all.  last week was supposed to be time with family, but i couldn't do that.  last week i had to say goodbye to a great person.

February 24, 2007 - It is with deep regret that the Officers and Members of the Easton Volunteer Fire Department announce the sudden death of Firefighter Larry Yeatman, Jr. Larry died at his home on Saturday, February 24, 2007 at the age of 25. Larry was a very active and dedicated member of our department. In 2006 Larry was the 3rd top responder for the year. He will be truly missed by all who ever had the fortune of meeting Larry. May you rest in peace brother.

john's cousin, larry, passed away last week.  he was 25 and it was sudden.  25 years old.  that is it.  how?  not sure.  there was an autopsy but it revealed nothing.  he just passed away in his sleep.  he was a voluntary firefighter, a big brother to a 20 year old sister, involved in his church, had a year and 1/2 relationship with his girlfriend, was a coach for pee wee ice hockey and just the nicest person you would ever meet.  he was the first person that john told that john and i we going out.  and he was happy and excited to meet me.  meeting him, he had lacrosse stuff EVERYWHERE and peguin's jerseys and other hockey stuff.  always laughed and made others laugh, too.  whenever we were in easton, john went over to larry's because he was like an older brother to john.  

the viewing was the first viewing that i have ever been to that was open casket.  and just to see larry's body there was heartbreaking.  his mom kept saying "he looks like he can just sit right up".  in my head, i knew he wasn't there.  his spirit was already among his family and friends and comforting them.  there was over 1400 people that came to say goodbye.  his main goal in life was to become a full time firefighter in annapolis.  a representitive from annapolis fire department came to tell larry's family that he made the cut and was going to be receiving a phone call next week.  that is when i lost it.  larry would never hurt anyone at all.  he was a big brother to everyone and always gave great advice.  always found with a smile on his face and a drive to keep on doing better the day before.  

even though i only knew him for 3 1/2 years, i felt that we were not only friends, but cousins.

So this is my goodbye ... my closure. 

Larry,

you were only 25 years old. 25! So young ... so ready for what the world had to offer. You will be missed and never forgotten, Larry. John LOVED you. I LOVED you.

I remember typing to you the day John asked me out. You were the first person to know. I don't remember what else we talked about but I knew that if you approved, that I would love the rest of John's family. You approved. :)

I remember looking at all of your lacrosse memorabilia and saying to myself "WOW! This guy could work it out on the field!" You had such a passion for lacrosse EVEN YOUR LICENSE PLATE: "LAX MID" . I couldn't balance school and lacrosse, but you could and then some. I admired your passion and your determination to pursue your dream.

I remember the distinct sound of your car. I would be over at Johns and here the siren's go off for the voluntary fire department. Within a couple of seconds, I would here your truck being reved up to go to another scene where you would put your life on the line to serve others.

I remember the last time I saw you. It was after I got my license. Yes, my license. I remember you making fun of me saying how old I was to just to start getting my license. I remember saying a couple of witty comebacks, but they weren't good as yours.

I remember you would always be talking or laughing ... two things guys should be able to master but can't for some reason. You were such a joy and a blessing to know in my life. I am just sorry that I couldn't know you longer.

Time of Your Life - GREEN DAY
Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right
Larry, I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf of good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trail
For what it's worth, it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right
Larry, I hope you had the time of your life

Goodbye and God Bless, Larry.

78 days and counting

SPRING BREAK and this couldnt have come in perfect timing.

i am a little burned out from school from quizes and tests and projects ... and just being able go home and relax is going to be great ... oh except for the whole removing my wisdom teeth.  yeah. owch.

lent is going great!  I always try to challenge myself and instead of giving up something (chocolate, biting my nails, soda, and other things i usuallly break within the first week) i am trying to be more patient and opening up to people.  

this is my final year to be around the ones that i love and i cherish and I need to act NOW.  I cant just sit back and twiddle my thumbs.  I need to be proactive and be the best darn friend i can. 

one day ...

exactly the same place and exactly the same tattoo.... one of these days

God's Little Signs

its almost 3 am and i am bright eyed and busy tailed.  i have been working so hard on homenursing homework and shutting others away from my room just so that i can enjoy this weekend.  but as i was doing work, something stopped me in my tracks.  i felt pushed down to the floor and my eyes glanced over to my bookshelf.  I narrowed in on my Camp Sonshine yearbook.  I have never loked at that thing ever since Camp let out, but for some reason, I wanted to read it.  I wanted to look over the memories.  I wanted to look at the faces that I promised myself I would see, that I would talk to, that I would keep in touch. 

But ... i didnt.  I am back at Catholic, forgetting the memories that I made at Camp.  Why did that happen??  At first, I regretted going into work at Camp.  I was an outcast, I didn't have any friends, I am a shy individual, I had my own little circle of friends and its particularly really hard to open up to others.  But I tried and I met some individuals who not only strengthened my spirit in Christ, but also made me become more confident in speaking.  I stutter somethmes when I am nervous and I blush a lot.  No matter who I am talking to, I dont have a strong voice.  But after Camp Sonshine, something just clicked.  I was more confident, I strted to hangout with other friends during the summer; I have bcome more involved in Camp Ministry here at Catholic.  I enjoyed who I was.  But now, summer is long gone and where am I?  I am at Catholic holding a Camp Sonshine yearbook.... and thats it.  I try to occasionally drop a random IM here and there or leave a post on someone's wall, but that doesn't do them justice to what they gave me.

i miss those individuals that touched my lives.  I mis the nursing camper.  I miss those who came to the nurses station just to say hi or if they had a medical problem.  i miss that.  i miss having friends.

so what do i do?  do i try again to make the reconnection?  do i just hold onto those memories and give up?  i just dont know.  until tonight. 

a good friend from camp IMed me and the converstaion was just like we were talking since the last day of Camp got out.  It was stupendous.  I loved it! 

i want those friends back in my life.  I want to show them how much they mean to me.  I want to give my heart and soul and become a friend a friend would love to have.

can i do it?  put my faith in Him, and i can :)