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goldenaphrodite
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Name: Chelsea
Birthday: 4/14/1985
Gender: Female
Interests: Interior design...mountain dew...dancing. not in that order
Expertise: Art, design
Occupation: Assistant manager
Industry: Pier 1
Message: message me
Member Since:
12/14/2006
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| crisis avertedso i finally have my class schedule set! it only took two weeks....blah long story, i basically had to switch around three classes, and still dont have all my books. good news i now am taking care of two classes which i was putting off, and they will improve my gpa immensely. still not 100 % on a rountine but closer then i was before. finally not driving to toledo every night to get stuff. everything is finally in the house and most of it is organized into its designated spots. at least there are only a few boxes left :) soooo excited about the toledo purdue game this weekend. i bit nervous, not sure how ill feel. it will be a bittersweet return thats for sure, but looking forward to it non the less. only thing weighing on my mind a bit is the boy sitch. if i had a crystal ball to see exactly whats going to happen, that would be great.....if anyone would like to buy me that for Christmas... thanks. there are alot of things im going through, and i wish i could give him a straight answer sometimes, but i cant rush myself. it will just make things worse in the end. but i can tell hes impatient w me, i would be too if i were him. doesnt help im stuck in the past so much, wish i wasnt one to hold a grudge, but that personality trait missed me. there r so many anger issues im dealing with, and honestly im not sure when ill get over them. i thought moving out would equal moving on, but with the football season fast approaching, there are sooooo many memories that i need to push out of my head. i love this time of year, for many reasons. but this time i can not help but wish it was four years ago, and i was just starting college, and could relive them all over again. maybe do some things different, maybe not. everything ive done thus far, however horrible they may be, they have all taught me a lesson, and made me who i am now. do i like this person? well i dont dislike her....too much, but there are alot of things im sorry for. but ive said my sorrys, come to terms with the fact that what ive done the last 2 years was wrong, and i cant worry about them anymore. time to move on, i hope i take my own advice this time.....oh and i wish a certain someone would get overthemselves and realize whats done is done, admit it, and dont be so uptight, i hate that.... and dont burn your bridges...if you knew anything about me youd know u are talking to the master bridge burner....trust me. God i wish i was back in London! ...im out | | |
| first week of schoolsooo school has officially started! and i am whelmed....not overwhelmed, just whelmed. lol! i can see this is going to be a hard semester and i hope that my personal issues dont get too in the way. i need to pull a 3.5, thats my goal any ways. we'll see. i have alot on my mind right now. and actually i wish the most prevalent thing would just take care of itself. if you dont know then dont worry about it. if you do know then you know its prolly the one thing i fear most, and am dreading to act on, but know i cant put it off forever. there are other personal matters, but only a few main ones, and im getting restless. anywho...i changed my sched and now have a class w amy :) and besides the heat, colorguard is going good. still a few more things to unpack and move in, but i basically am on my own now, this weekend should give me time to tie up loose ends :) ...and i cant wait to walk around my apt barefoot, which i still havent done....damn carpet. but the sun is finally out and its not unbreathable outside, so i think im going to go lay out for a bit. im out for now.... | | |
| what happens when you start to regret? | | |
| yesterday was a complete waste of time.....i have been on the independent rampage and i will be quite honest, i hate when girls get all clingy and all they do is talk about their new boyfriends, like what? you didnt have a life before this guy.... i understand the honey moon phase and infatuation and all that, but come on! it sucks even more for your single friends. im sure im a huge hypocrite bc i know i have always been the one to talk about a guy to my friends. but i also listen to my friends about their new guys, but usually that guy isnt my best friend. i can appreciate the fact that two of my close friends are now dating each other through me, thats great and im happy for them. they couldnt be more perfect for each other. but i dont have to hear about it. or be the third wheel in this sitution. i will not be replaced like a shoe. i was their friend long before they met and now im nothing? oh wait no.....im apparently their convience friend who they spend time with when the other is busy. and thier personal fucking driver. im cool with the responsibility of being the dd, it comes with the territory of the sober life decision, but i have never felt used, bc i have always been invited out bc people like me around and want to hang out with me. not bc i can give them a ride home. thats is not cool in my book. then to have me out til 4 am, making me miss my class this morning. took the fucking cake. thank goodness for today and a certain someone to calm me down. and i have a full day off tomorrow, which will involve going to the zoo with that same someone. fallin for someone is cool, in moderation. losing sight of what and who you r bc someone new comes into your life is not cool to me. have fun kids, call me when the honey moon phase is over. ps im not your god damn chaufer. please call someone else when u want to use em. peace out off to the parties. | | |
| At a crossroadsyesterday was one of those eye opening days, recaping all that has happened the past two weeks. how is it possible something so small makes such a huge impact on someone? with in the past few weeks, i have done three things i never thought id get to do. it was a nice surprise to cross them all off my list within days of each other, considering they all have been events ive been waiting years to do. finally knowing about two such events, and the outcomes of them, is good to have done, but were a bit anticlimatic, that'll teach me to over fantasize lol. fate has a funny way of biting me in the ass lately. this year has been amazing, and a time of growth, one which i am clearly not finished with yet. i hope i never am, because then what would life be worth living for, not trying to be deep, but to wake up knowing all your dreams have come true, what would i drive for next? i am clearly setting the pace for my gender and in typical woman menatllity can not ever be satisfied. it is strangly coincidental that all this revolves around the idea of short life. i will never forget that, and i hope jen always sneaks into my life to remind me in some way. i miss her, but if not for that nov night, i would not be who i am now. she in both life and death has taught me so much, i hope i never stop feeling her pushing me to be better. the greatest lesson i have felt from her is to live your life, no one elses. this is a very hard concept especially from me, who from day to day for four years....for lack of a better word, conformed. i remind myself constantly to live in the moment, having to fight back the old way of thinking about the consequences. now i regret nothing, bc i feel that what you do, as long as it makes you happy and doesnt hurt anyone, is worth while. i make sure the only person that could possible get hurt is myself, and since i have somehow blocked the idea of hurt and pain out of my mental vocab, the hurt just simply goes away. or so i hope is the case in all my endeveors. three people have been brought to me recently, each having their own consequences based on whatever action occured. but three of whom i think of fondly and know that they are all individually teaching me something. friendship, compassion, and life. fate brought them back into my life after a long time seperated, and just as quickly snatched them back, leaving me with the memories and the lessons. i am grateful that this has happend, and as much as i have learned in this year, i feel ive learned even more in the past few weeks. now where to turn? two paths appoach rapidly and i wasnt sure which to take until yesterday. the one path, my lessons are over for now and it is time to settle back and relax. the second, my life lessons are just beginning and to be held down would be to rob myself of them. happy or trapped, fine line right? then fate stepped in again yesterday. yesterday was her birthday, something small but huge at the same time. reminding me of how i was that night, what my descision was then, as it should be now. my lessons are just beginning, and i dont want to stop learning. thank you for reminding me jen, it would seem that an angel is always on my side to guide me, even when i dont want any help. i miss you 238, and the two flowers bloomed overnight for each. how appropriate the music  | | |
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