Currently Playing Singles 1984-2004 By A-Ha Take On Me see related

On Saturday, Randy and I and all of his friends attended the wedding of our friend Jason's brother Adam and his now-wife Jen.

We were running late, so we were sitting in the back row of the church.  I only got one picture because at that point I didn't know how to shut off the sound on my camera, and it was SO LOUD.

Here is said picture.  The ceremony was so religious that Randy joked that that giant white spot in the shot is Jesus.   Also note Jason on the far right, noticing my extremely loud camera.

Here's where I praise Barbara and Sev's wedding because of it being so awesomely secular.  Barbara, if you have a transcript of the ceremony, I want it, because all I could think of during Adam and Jen's wedding was "OH MY FUCKING GOD THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I DON'T WANT AT MY WEDDING!!!"  The minister mentioned Jesus and God in EVERY sentence.

Here's the basic rundown of the sermon:  Love cannot exist without God.  Jesus/God is love.  In order for your marriage to survive, you must love Jesus (not each other).  Jen wants the marriage to last.  Adam wants it to be great.  But Jen does not want the marriage to be great, and Adam does not want it to last.   Love is like a well.  And when the well of love gets low, and you hand your spouse a glass of water to drink from that well, it's going to look like this (minister holds up a muddy glass of water.  ...  No, I am NOT kidding!).  You want to keep your well of love full, and you can only do that by drinking the water of Jesus (a.k.a. Jesus Juice).  At this point I'm thinking to myself "Or building a Love Pump." 

Raise your hand if you catch the This is Spinal Tap reference.

Then the minister went on and on about how awful things will be, and in order to get through those times, you need to pray (not go to therapy or try to communicate or talk things through, just grab a fucking bible, people!). I'm telling you, the ceremony was PURE HELL for an athiest like me.   And poor Jason, who was the best man and had to stand about two feet away from the minister during all of this and hold a straight face, while catching my expressions at all the total shit pouring out of the minister's mouth.

Eventually we made it to the reception.

Since Jason was in the wedding party, Jenna sat with us.  Doug was joking that he stole Jason's woman.

He brought my camera around to Jason to make him jealous after I took these.  Dork.

Mike's friend Beth from Rhode Island came down for the wedding.  She is very nice.  She's also agreed to accompany Mike to SIX OTHER WEDDINGS this summer.  I pity both of them. 

Here's Randy and I and my extremely red cheeks.  Despite my swearing off of alcohol (again), and after having sat through the HORRIBLE ceremony, and the first five or so songs of the reception (all total crap), Randy and I hit the bar.  I got Glen Levitt (of course).  Just one.  It lasted the whole night.  I am such a lightweight.  And despite Evan's encouragement to get a white russian and then take an Imitrex, the scotch was enough for me to get through the rest of the reception.  I think it helped that everyone else at our table was in as much pain as I was.   Also, please note Randy's haircut, which I gave him last weekend.  I think it came out pretty well!

Here's Adam and Jen cutting the cake.  This was taken across the room, so I apologize for it being completely out of focus.

The flash on my camera failed to go off on this one, so I had to mess with it in PhotoShop and this is the best I could do- sorry! Adam and Jen did a dollar dance, and as it was proceeding, Randy turns to all of us and says, "You know what would be really funny, if I got in Adam's line, and then when it was my turn, just sat down in a chair in front of him and waved some ones at him!"  Doug was like "Are you going to do it?" Randy said no.  So Doug was like "Fuck it, if you're not going to, I will!"  So here he is. We were DYING and so was Adam, and his grandmother who was in line behind Doug.  I don't think the overly religious members of Jen's family were too thrilled though.

Here's Doug and Adam talking about it afterwards.

And here's Jen.

And Jason, after they released him from his best man duties.  His toast was absolutely hilarious, at one point he said "And I'm sure you'll have a great marriage, for as long as it lasts..." everyone was DYING.    He quickly added "...Which I'm sure will be a long time!"  So funny.

The rest of the evening was spent watching the wax from the centerpiece candles melt all over the table, dancing to the like, three good songs that the DJ played (he was horrible) and complaining about the others.  We requested "Take on Me" by A-ha, and Foreigner, but were denied.  Bullshit!