Types of customers:

1. The "Incapable of Helping Themselves"

a) This is the sort of customer who comes in and ties up a sales associate for a good half hour or more (advanced customers can even tie up two or more). They don't know what they want (and somehow never seem to be able to operate the CD scanner or CD player for the music, or find the price on ANYTHING, despite the fact that it's virtually always on the back), but they don't want to browse until they figure it out. No, they want you to scurry around the store and bring them products while they look and them, decide they don't want them and then leave.

b) This customer is a telephone variation of the previous one. They call on the phone, and because they live a half hour away, want you to shop for them to make sure that we have the 14 things that they want. If, after 20 minutes of phone shopping for them, we only have 13 of the 14, they'll say that their going to "look around" for someplace that has everything that they need, and then they hang up and you never hear from them again.

2. The "Needs a List of What They Actually Want--and a Shopping Cart"

This person is counting pennies to maximize their purchase. They bring their pile of mostly children's trinkets up to the register, none of which has a bar code on them, and so as you're looking up the UPCs and entering them into the computer by hand, they go off into the rest of the store not to be seen for another 20 minutes. When you finally give in and cancel the transaction to help another customer, Mr/s. Indecision is back with 12 other items, and, oh yeah, they don't want half of the things that you rang up earlier. Repeat until insanity is reached.

3. The Liar

This is the most common form of customer. Here is an example conversation: "Hello, can I help you find anything today." (Slightly upset that you interrupted them) "No, I'm just looking." "Alright, well if you have any questi--" (interrupting) "Well, actually, you can help me find these 14 things, none of which I'll buy."

4. The "Needs to Go to the Library"

"Hello, do you have this book? I know that it's 45 years old, and no one likes it but me, and there's no possible way that you would carry it because it's so out-dated and unpopular, but I will be indignant when you spend 20 minutes trying to find it for me, even when you find it used on Amazon, which isn't anywhere in your job description."

5. The "Thinks the Man's Gonna Get Me"

Alright, let's lay this out there. I'm cynical, but even I believe that if we can trust anyone not to sell our phone number and address it's a Christian store. So when customers come in and say that they don't want to put their phone number in our computer system because they "don't give it out," I just want to shake them until they quit being worried that someone's going to be able to steal their identity because they get mailings from us.

I'm sure that any of you who have worked in retail (*cough* Becca) have many more to add to this list, and I'd love to hear them.