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| Is it bad if I feel like throwing up when I see a picture of myself?
3 days
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| Weeeheeee!!!!The title has nothing to do with the post. But, since I'm sitting here sleep-deprived and needing to do physics hw, i thought i'd go ahead and finally make a more detailed post  i know, great reasoning
well, too much has been happening so i'll jog my brain a bit by listing some highlights:
1. meeting lots of AWESOME people, which leads to...
2. joining a frat. since the house is across the river, i have been...
3. walking by the (polluted) river during random parts of day and enjoying the view. speaking of charles river...
4. sodium + dynamite + river = interesting event. but more interesting is...
5. drinking with frat, and participating in the BEST drinking songs/chants in the world. lol. speaking of funny...
6. getting dombinated by psets. wait...why is that here...whatever, no more continuations
7. scaring the CRAP out of one of those ubiquitous (seriously) asian parent tour groups cuz we ran through their group during a frat rush thing while screaming at the top of our lungs
8. getting detained by police and almost arrested on our first pledge mission. sorry, no details 
9. calling up my HOMIES!!!! and devouring my minutes
and uh...kinda random, but i just learned that one of my pledge bros lost his virginity last week during a party i missed on my favorite couch in the frat house. wtfffff...need to pick a new spot to sleep
anyways, as most of you probably have heard i absolutely love this place retarded weather aside, i haven't felt so comfortable in so many ways in a VERY long time...finally a place to belong! kinda. the general atmosphere is wonderful, and it's very fun meeting people nerdier than me, so i can develop a whole new field of insult Though of course some people here are quite athletic...like i said to someone before, i'm surrounded by people who are smarter, more sociable, more stylish, more athletic, and, as if to add insult to injury, sometimes more attractive  and i can't even resort to some abuse of TKD powers anymore, since the ppl here are buff at that too. lol...i always have greasing as an ultimate option.
speaking of TKD, that stuff IS useful. i got in a bike accident last week that involved my flying over the handlebars(helmetless...eh) at high speed, and i instinctively did a midair roll and only scraped my shoulder hehehe...though unfortunately i now have some big scratches right where my backpack strap goes -_-"
on a more serious note, i've already come to a few self-realizations. the MIT career fair last week was an eye-opener..(HOLY SH*T I'M SCREWED) but it's a tad disconcerting (though exciting) how open my options are. grad? med? nothing? switch to business? switch to engineering? i have no idea what to do. oh well, all i can do now is keep tooling (lingo for doing psets) and hope i don't commit suicide
i'm using a lot of smileys
is it bad if i don't miss home at all yet?
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| Life is...?*edit*
as a side note: richard feynman was in my frat. word....
*end*
so i got up this morning (at 10:30, all you uni suckers hehe) and checked my email. i have this message that says "it's a great day! go check out the dome." well, it IS a really great day, but it took my brain a while to go "HACK ALERT"
so i walk over to Killian Court (in front of hte big dome) and see this:
  
lol....how the hell...(btw that's a fire truck on top...and it says MIT Fire Dept. on the side)
anyways, so later on in the day i thought i'd bike on over to the bookstore and check if that obscure version of hamlet i'm supposed to have showed up. it didn't, but on my way out some books caught my eye and....all i got out of that 30-minute trip were a few pics and 2 on-sale hardcover collections of Calvin & Hobbes
what, gotta make life interesting, no?
speaking of which, i am now officially a frat boy. heh.
unfortunately the psets are still pwning my arse. this one physics problem took me like....3.5 hours? i was being dumb, but the solution was still obscenely annoying for a chapter 1 problem. owned...oh well, at least the chem and calc ones aren't that bad.
not bad. until the tests start flowing.
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| first day of classes + first psets today. response:
OH MY GOD I'M SO FREAKING SCREWED SAVE ME SAVE ME
k gotta go study.
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| is it weird for someone who absolutely cherishes closure in any sense to be always looking forward? maybe i'm afflicted with some weird form of metaphysical ADHD. whatever.
i seem to be losing my senses even more as toothbrushes, notebook, WINTER COATS (dangit), staplers, pencils, socks, etc. are scurrying off into those dark deceptive corners of my spitefully heavy suitcases. a while ago i ran face first into the side of my bookcase, and earlier i woke up from a mindless phase to find myself listening to Fall Out Boy for the first time since...
my mom just came in the room and added another something to my pile of college-bound stuff, and it reminded me of something i have to write. on the way back from alaska, we were running around the airport and she was running ahead of me. for some reason, as i glanced at her shoulders bouncing on that small figure clothed in an old beatup jacket, i felt like a searing hot hand was closing around my heart, and tears blurred the airport lights and faces flying by me. those same shoulders, now steadily aging and having carried the incredible burden of family and myself, still retain so much life and energy when her children are around! I quickly excused myself to the bathroom as the pain of love kept burning, but on the way there I thought, Hell, real men cry anyway. I guess some of the people there must have thought weirdly of the disheveled, half-asleep teenager walking to the bathroom streaming tears with a strange smile on his face.
i like closure, but maybe not of this type, this magnitude. it's not really closure after all anyway...we're not ending anything (we still need their money!), we're not really breaking free, just continuing...somewhere? I think myself rather heartless to be swept away by a cruel system. in which loving parents painstakingly bleed life into their children, only to watch them grow their wings and fly away with scarcely a glance back. is there a way for a pampered, spoiled child like me to fight it?
I never knew loving gratitude could become so excruciating.
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