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"i'll love you until the world ends"

i have no clue what im gonna do now that you're gone. this is what i miss about xanga, no one to know exactly what you're talking about. i miss this. you're all probably sick of everyone rambling on and reminiscing about how much the school year has done for us...i i know i am. but i shall not bore you again, but tell you how much i love what im gonna miss. im gonna miss you. and if you ever find this, you'll know exactly who you are. you and i have that. im gonna miss us falling alseep together, and the sleep.ha and im gonna miss how much you and i depend on each other. how much you ask me for things, like money, to do your projects, to skip school with you, to stay in the counselors office with you. how much shit i go through just to have a conversation with you. but i love you regardless. im gonna miss you and your fatass. now theres a line you'll know. i can hate you and hate you till the day i die, but i love you as much. i dont know what else to say to you. i mean i want all i can give. its just that i have so little and if thats all i have, i want it all for you. i want to grow up so fast right now and staedy myself just so i can take care of you and give you the world, because even though you may think you've done pretty much nothing for me, which i think so too, its comes up to so much more. i want you to smile in my eyes and i want you to be happy when you're sad.i want you to feel my love when youre lonely.  i want you to feel warmth if you ever feel lonely. and i want you to feel like you could come to me if you need to. if i could tell you all the things i've thought of from the time i've known you until now, it would never end. when i lie in bed and think of what i wanna do tomorrow, your face pops up. and not do you, cause you sick cynicle child you. but being anywhere near you is what i mean. i want the best and the top of the line things for you. all the things we've been through, have made me love you more than ever. from cops, to skipping school, to weed, to drinking, sneaking out, getting caught(today) and all the other things we've gone through. im gonna miss you. your laugh, your smile, your sweet smell, how im gonna miss that. its my favorite piece i have of you. and how ironic its the only thing i cant hold. but when i smell it, its lovely...i want to put the world at your feet, and have you smile. i want to stand back, and watch your smile form. thats all i want. a smile

loves.

nell

"So Close Your Eyes And Count To 10...And When You Open Up I'll Be Standing Naked With Nothing But A Smile On"

x. I am: jenielle
x. I want: a slow fuck in the afternoon
x. I have: a life
x. I wish: the best for you
x. I hate: this computer
x. I miss: my family in san diego
x. I fear: heights, small places, and bugs
x. I hear: Buffalo Soldier-Bob Marley...i think leo is calling
x. I search: on the internet
x. I wonder: if i stop, will you push it?
x. I regret: not much anymore
x. I love: you, whoever you are
x. I am not: listening to you
x. I dance: in my nuddy pants, only a select few know what that is
x. I sing: when im bored, when its quiet, and pretty much all the time
x. I cry: when im hurt
x. I am not always: a bitch
x. I write: letters to you
x. I win: and you lose
x. I lost: my virginity...
x. I confuse: alot of people, including myself
x. I should: pee, so i dont get gall stones
x. I get embarrassed when: i do real stupid things that obviously only require common sense
x. What upsets you: a lot of things, im a moody kind of person
x. You keep a diary: yes
x. You like to cook: yes, i actaully do
x. You have a secret you have not shared with anyone: why yes i do
x. You set your watch a few minutes ahead: i dont own a watch, actaully i do, but i dont use it, but i set everything else about 30 minutes ahead, so yes, yes i do
x. You bite your fingernails: no, just chew them, like i'll soften it. is that gross?
x. You believe in love: why of course, if i didnt, i wouldnt love you

WHO IS...?
x. The prettiest person of the opposite sex: i would say vin diesel, but hes not pretty, hes hott, so ill say james dean
x. The weirdest person you know: me, i love the weirdest things, and i hate the most common
x. The quietest person you know: maybe bett, but i love her for that or no, that girl in 6th period, i've never heard her speak, i dont even know her name
x. Your closest friend(s) : jun, keith, vicky, dre, ani, miha, auri, and judith
x. The person that knows the most about you: maybe judith, i think. lemme ask her later
x. Phrase you say constantly: what what, fuck, and leche...anyways, and i talk to myself alot. he laughs when i do it...and he thinks its cute

WHAT IS?
x. Your most overused phrase on IM: anyways
x. The last image/thought you go to sleep with: i forget
x. Your best feature: some might say my ass or my boobs, but i really could care less, i say its my long ass lashes but i know my least is my mouth, i have a bad one
x. An inside joke: the turbo with my 5th period, the love and treat you right with nikki and some other ones i forget

DO YOU...?
x. Take a shower everyday: yes, if i feel like it 2 or 3
x. Have a (any) crush: no, sadly
x. Think you've been in love: yes, and it hurt like hell
x. Want to get married: yes
x. Have any tattoos/where?: nont yet...
x. Piercing/where?: ears
x. Get along with your parents: depends on what i want

WHEN YOU SEE THIS NAME YOU THINK OF..?
x. Ryan: ry-ry...my favorite ry-meister
x. Rob: uncle rob?
x. Stephanie:stephie!...i miss you
x. Heather: nobody, thats a houle name
x. Aaron: adge's boyfriend
x. Amy: the runner
x. Eve: garden of...
x. John: i know many, my dad and my brothers names are john...
x. Kellen: like kalan parehu? haha
x. Justin: lujan, my favorite pothead
x. Tatie: nope, sounds more like a pets name
x. Jack: don't know...as in don't know JACK SHIT! hahaha, get it?

x. Screen-names: "Saudade" or "Nell Loves You"
x. sign: leo
x. hair color: brown
x. natural hair color: black
x. eye color: dark brown
x. height: 5'2"
x. weight: good question...hold on...sorry that damn scale was taken apart by my evil cousins

x.(FAVORITES)
x.NUMBER: 8
x.COLOR: green and brown
x.DAY: THURSDAYS! i was born on a thursday, and for some reason, good things always happen to me on thursdays
x.MONTH: AUGUST
x.SONG: Blue Light...gotta love that "So close you eyes and count to 10 and when you open up I'll be standing naked with nothing but a smile on"
x.FOOD: chamorro, italian, and mexican
x.DRINK: water...how boring, yes i know
x.VEGGIE: brocolli...
x.FRUIT: strawberries
x.SEASON: summer

x.(PREFRENCES)
x.CHOCOLATE MILK, OR HOT CHOCOLATE?: neither, not much of a chocolate fan
x.MILK, DARK, OR WHITE CHOCOLATE?: none
x.VANILLA OR CHOCOLATE? vanilla

x.(IN THE LAST 24 HOURS, HAVE YOU)
x.CRIED?: no
x.HELPED SOMEONE?: changing my neices diapers help?
x.BOUGHT SOMETHING?: a phone card
x.GONE TO THE MOVIES?: i will thusday...hahaha
x.GONE OUT FOR DINNER?: nope
x.SAID, "I LOVE YOU"?: yes
x.WRITTEN A REAL LETTER?: yes
x.TALKED TO AN EX?: he just called
x.MISSED AN EX?: yeah
x.WRITTEN IN A JOURNAL?:many
x.HAD A SERIOUS TALK?: many
x.MISSED SOMEONE?: yes
x.HUGGED SOMEONE?: yes
x.KISSED SOMEONE?: yes
x.FOUGHT WITH YOUR PARENTS?: always

x.WHO IS THE LAST PERSON WHO...
x. Slept in your bed with you: hahaha, uhhh, i can't say
x. You saw today: dad
x. Saw you cry: jarrett
x. Spent the night at your house: jose
x. You shared a drink with: jarrett
x. You went to the movies with: family...but thats gonna change thursday...haha underworld evolution here i come
x. You went to the mall with: family
x. Yelled at you: my dad
x. Sent you an email: xanga subscriptions

x.HAVE YOU EVER...
x. Said "I love you": yeah
x. Been to New York: no
x. Been to Florida?: nope
x. California?: many times
x. Hawaii?: yes
x. Mexico?: yeah
x. China?: nope
x. Canada?: seen it...
x. Danced naked: yes
x. Dreamed something really crazy and then it happens the next day? not really
x. Stalked someone?: no, im to that point of psycho-ness

x.PICK ONE...
x. Apples or bananas?: bananas-apples made me teeth bleed in nd grade and lets say i was scared for life
x. Red or blue?: red
x. Walmart or Kmart?: Kmart
x. Math or English?: english, math can kill me
x. radio or CD?: radio, more variety
x. drawing or painting?: painting
x. High school or college?: uhh, high school is a blast, but college has no aides fucking with you, so i'll have to wait and see

x.THE LAST FEW QUESTIONS...
x. Last time you went out of the state: uhhh...palau
x. Lucky number: 8
x. Things you like in a guy: someone who wants to sleep with me before thay have sex with me and some one who can put me in my place
x. Weirdest thing about you?: i enjoy cussing
x. What book are you reading now?:  "citizen girl", "the vagina monologues",and "is kissing a girl who smokes like licking an ashtray?"
x. What's on your mousepad?: some sunset-like abstraction
x. Favorite board game?: monopoly
x. Favorite sound?: rain
x. Worst feeling in the world?: heart break
x. What is the first thing you think when you wake in the morning?: what to wear
x. Do you like scary or exciting rollercoasters: scary, even though im a scaredy-cat
x. How many rings before you answer?: whos calling?
x. Future daughter's name?: Leani-Lyn
x. Future son's name?: Bryce-Anthony and Jarrett-Dean
x. If you could have any job you wanted, what would it be?: talking on the phone all day
x. What are you going to do after you finish this survey?: post it on my xanga
x. What was the last food you ate? pizza
x. you bored?: very
x. How many buddies are on? shit, i dont know
x. Last movie you saw in the theater?: Fuck, its been so long,  forgot
x. was it good?: ????

loves.

nell

"And i'm Waiting For My Ruca..."

i love you i love you i love you more...smile for me for i'll be back...i always do

nell