Thursday: today was a little better then the last.! :) today i heard. that someone is like saying crap that im talking bad about mel. and i wouldnt do that !! i mean wow. i mean common people. im not like that. ive changed alot. and i wish people would see that, but ok. ! the good thing was i got to hang out with andrew and lindsay, and josh.  :) we had that math thing. :) STEPHEN PERKINS you DIDNT GO :( !! well afterwords. we walked home. and then pretty much almost stole this shirt ffrom little mike. ha :) fun stuff :)  oo lindsay >> Penelope and Rauphl. and last but not least PERONA! :)

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Tuesday: today was alot better then. saturday. or sunday. Wow.just alot has happened. and its pretty damm hard to deal with. My mom wants to move and i dont. i mean ive thought about it. but still. I dont want to move. again and well this just sucks. if they want to move. go ahead im getting emancipated or something .live with my gramma.idk. yet. but ill find a way. So well. today was a good day. i got to see him. :)

Saturday: wow i pretty much feel like shit right now. and well i deserve to feel this way. you know cuz its my fault and all. i feel like i have no one to talk to about ne thing. cuz my only best friend is grounded right now. and well thats practically my fault too. I wonder if only he knew how terrible i feel right now. i now understand. that i pretty much fuck up everything i get. i mean, i screw up everything.. and im not good at shit. i feel like im pretty much .worthless. hey this aint no emo shit. but i mean. i pretty much feel like i have nothing. and i no one.. I just odnt understand. why my friends would talk about me. or even if thats true. but i deserve that too. I understand what is happening. Im not as stupid as i look.. Maybe if i move maybe everyone would be happy. You know cuz i would be out of there hair. and out of their lives. and no one would have to worry about me messing everything up.. Ive noticed. i need to change alot. and that im still learning from my mistakes. Ive really havent cried in a long time. and i guess today was a great day to do it... :)
Well i guess im gona go to my grandmas. and maybe go to kingsgate and swing on the swings. and just do some rethinking. about what ive done. Its not like ne one wants to hang out with me ne ways. Ive also noticed. when i think im making the right choice. its really not, i guess it takes time and practice.
I just want andrew to know that i really like him alot. and i didnt mean to do ne thing i did. I never kissed or held or did ne thing. with that other guy. And i understand if u change ur mind about me.. andrew you make me feel like im soo special. whenever i look into ur eyes and whenever i see your smile. you mean alot. and im sorry for ne thing i did to make you rethink. or re-feel. you kno. but i wont ever be mad at you. and i just want you to know. that you make me have the greattest feeling in the world whever i see you. The greatest!. and it means alot to me whenever i get to hug you. or see you. I guess i just dont know how to act these days. people are differnt and people have differnt opinions on things. but im just one of those clueless people that dont think all the time.I wish it rains today.. I really want it to. like really hard.