Asphalt

I held you near when I was a child.  And just as a blanket envelopes its companion, I would feel you wrap your arms around my tiny frame, reassuring me that you were there in the warmth, in the comfort, in the soft whispers that tickled my ear.  Holding your hand, I played with you throughout the day and blew kisses up to heaven at night.  When it was time to sleep, your angels came to tuck me in.  And in the morning we would skip together down the black asphalt that ran heavy through my neighborhood.

As I began to grow, I felt that you did too.  You were bigger than you used to be and I must admit, scarier now.  I heard rumors of your judgment, of your tyranny of your rules and regard for policy.  You didn’t really whisper anymore, but I felt your stern eyes peering at me from the back of your head.  I wanted to be near to you so I stood up tall and promised to walk the straight and narrow even if I had to loose a leg to stay on the path.

And I did just that, staying on that hard, rocky path covered with thistles that prick your skin if you get too close to one side.  But every now and then, through that thick wooded forest, I would catch a glimpse of the sun in all its radiance and beauty.  I felt its warmth as it consumed the air around me, overwhelming my very being.  And I began to discover that this road I was traveling was a bit darker and colder than I had expected.  The directions I was given didn’t seem to line up with the map I had drawn on my hand as a child.  I desperately needed to find you but I was so very lost and turned around.  Going in circles, I retraced my steps trying to make sense of it all. 

I know that I haven't posted in a while.  So here's something a little different to spice up the blog........poetry.  I havent written any on xanga before, but it's something I've always enjoyed doing.  This one kind of sums up my feelings about growing up. 

reluctant destiny  

trying to conjure up the future is as impossible as dancing delicately on floating bubbles passing by in their peacful tranquility       

the joys of the now are overshadowed by the tick tocking of the ever so persistent tomorrow

try, as i may, to stay away....... it insists on chasing my running shoes until all i wear is the soles that i came in

barefoot i continue to put one in front of the other, endlessly following the trail but doing so with my eyes kissing the wind that blows rememberies of then

I'm at home visiting for a while.  It so nice to be here, but also emotionally draining in the midst of all of the devestation.  It seems as if every other conversation is centered around the aftermath of Katrina.  Every life has been affected in some way.  It's so raw and real here.  In Dallas it's more of a story of something that happened in some faraway place but here it's so tangible.  The people here are still dealing with this e v e r y d a y.  It wasn't over when the news coverage stopped and it won't be over two months from now. 

We drove down Canal Street in New Orleans yesterday.  I couldn't believe what I saw.  Utter chaos and destruction.  Tears flooded my eyes as I passed homes of loved ones, some of my favorite restraunts and the once beautiful, historic City Park.  New Orleans will never be the same, which is very sad, but the people will also never be the same which is the worst travesty.  My family is trying to hold everything together despite some of them losing their homes.  The only thing that I can cling to is God, for the majority of my relatives, this is not an option.  It seems as if Katrina has brought out the worst in everyone.  Pounding on emotions, infusing doubt and fear, stirring up the insecurities that were already there and I'm grieving for them.  Praying for their eyes to be opened to God's sovereignty, His grace, His love, His heart. 

Xanga Vs. Myspace

Yes, I admit it.  I have been neglecting xanga!  Here's the deal....I opened up an account on myspace.  I know, I know, I'm cheating on xanga.  But I absolutely had to open one on myspace so that I could comment on a long lost friends site!  Coincidentally, that's the same way I was reeled into signing up on xanga (sneeky internet).  Here's what I've noticed while jumping from myspace to xanga:  myspace is kind of like an ongoing conversation at a big party.  Lots of pictures and people and cool ways to find just about anyone...but I have to say, it doesn't have that personal touch that xanga has.  Xanga is more of a way to spill out your guts, share your thoughts and have deep online conversations.  So what I've decided is this......xanga will be my blogging site and myspace kind of a place to just check up on people and find old and new friends.  So there's my confession.   

Katrina

For those of you who don't know, I was born and raised in South Louisiana.  My parents, sister & family, and grandfather live in Baton Rouge and all the rest of my relatives live in New Orleans and the surrounding area.  I have seen way too many hurricanes for my age, but none showed such fury as the most recent....Katrina.  It was hard for me being away knowing that they were all in the path of such a fierce storm.  All of my relatives from New Orleans were under a mandatory evacuation and fled to surrounding states and other parts of Louisiana.  As of today they are still being told not to go back home but to stay where they are.  Reports say that it could be a month before the water can be pumped out of the city and probably more than a month before electricity is turned back on.  No one knows what their homes, businesses, churches and communities look like.  And there is no way to go and check on things.  One of my cousins and his family evacuated to Houston.  Yesterday, while watching the news my family realized that the neighborhood they were showing on T.V. was his.  Every home was submerged in water.  Only the highest point of the roof top broke the surface of the water.  Total devistation.  The worst part was finding out from local official's reports that all of my family's homes and businesses look the same way.  The good news is that they are all safe and unharmed.  Most of them are headed to Baton Rouge to stay with my mom, dad, sister & gradfather until they are allowed back into New Orleans (probably a month).  Baton Rouge fared well against the storm but is without electricity; that should be fixed in a few days.  Thanks for all of you that have e-mailed or called to check on my family.  I appreciate it.  I'll give you guys another update when things progress :)