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Saturday, June 28, 2008

  • I would very much like to get some reading in before school starts again. In the past, I was not much of a reader but I have recently regained an intrest. The problem is, I don't know where to start.
    I like things that are more real, more dramatic even. I am not much into Sci-Fi or Fantasy and I really don't like sappy love stories and cheap romantic paperbacks. I am interested in biographies and standards, you know, the type everyone should have at least a brief knowledge of.
    Though I have only read a little, my favourites are The Hiding Place by Corrie  Ten Boom, and The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald(my copy is an old paper back and in pieces. hint hint, birthday, christmas).

    Knowing a few english and literature people are on here, I thought some of you might be able to suggest something.

Friday, May 23, 2008

  • thinking out loud.

    I don't know. Maybe I am just selfish and Godless, but all of this talk about feeding the poor and caring for others above ourselves and being a martyr has got me really down.

    sometimes I feel like I am so conceited and selfish. I know I am judgemental and a know it all, I know this about myself. I really try against it. I think I used to be a very caring and humble person(if it's possible for me to say that about myself...???) But somewhere along the line of my life......what happened? Inside I argue that my very thought and worry that I don't love others enough is in fact saying something about my selflessness, maybe I'm not hateful and self serving as I thought. But then I tell myself, I'm wrong and that it's just a cop out.

    Honestly.
    Honestly, I don't want to worry about the poor and I don't want to be constantly on my toes and thinking of how I can in my mind and heart be putting others before myself. Thinking of that feels like a dark cloud over my head of never being good enough. And while I believe not everyone has the same job, or purpose, that not everyone needs to be burdened for the poor or the forsaken, I feel like I should be more concerned than I am. Like I am wrong and not a true Christ follower if I am not. Then I think of those who know my sister, and know how good and tenderhearted she is and how they must have met me and think I am the bad seed.

    But honestly, I have things that I want to do. Things that I want sooo badly it kills me inside when I think they might not ever happen. I want to spread art and music. Art and music can change people even if they don't realize it. I just want to make one person think outside themselves and outside of what they have known. Maybe this is trivial and maybe it won't feed the poor and it may not look very God centered or evangelical but I do believe it is very important and I don't believe I am wrong for being more concerned about this than the poor or oppressed.

    I don't understand it and I don't want to be living my life without God in it.

    Currently Listening
    I'm Yours
    By Jason Mraz
    see related
  • cry babies and pupee dolls

    Tonight, I read a blog written by a friend of mine. He wrote how we give children a false sense of success. He believes (and I know this because I have heard him talk on the subject, not just write about it) that to tell a child he or she can do and be whatever he or she wants to is rediculous and wrong. He used an analogy of a young boy who wants to be "the next Lebron." This boy is of course 5'1" and runs really slow. How dare we tell him he can be whatever he wants to be, the American Dream and all of that mess. By our giving him this sort of encouragement, we are giving him a false sense of success; a sense that success is measured in fame and money. My friend assures us he is not pessimistic, but rather realistic. 
    I disagree with this friend of mine and in fact, it makes me a little angry. While it is true success should not be measured by fame or money, I don't believe this is the principal of our, so called, "American Dream" nor is it wrong to tell this boy he can be what he wants. The American Dream is about working hard and bettering his circumstances by beating the things which might have held him back. But I don't believe we are even talking about the american dream here.
    All my life I have wanted, and still want, to do big, great things. So maybe I am biased, looking from a "dreamer's" perspective(or maybe I'm alittle too hyped for the underdog after just watching Rocky Balboa). I believe the kind of success our children are looking for, is the success that comes from making huge goals(or dreams) and working hard to persevere and reach what they truly desire to do or be.

     

    I am really bored. I am house sitting since yesterday and until tomorrow. I did six hours straight of office work today.  Then I made dinner for myself which consisted of a sliced roast beef and cheese sandwich washed down with apple juice and chased with doritos. I've all three dogs, the cat, and six horses. I sat and stared at the television for a about three hours watching Rocky Balboa in Bluray and had planned on watching Transformers after this. But now, the thought of sitting and staring at the TV for another three hours sounds like murder. So, I thought I might conquer the less brain melting task of reading the memiors of The Rocket Boys, by Homer Hickam.

    Currently Reading
    Rocket Boys: a True Story
    By Homer H. Hickam
    see related

Saturday, April 26, 2008

  • Talk is Often Cheap and Filled with Air

    Things don't always go as planned.
    I'm sure this is a cliche we all know well. Unfortunately for me, tonight it is a very unwelcome reality. These last few weeks of school are almost torture. I had planned a get away for tonight. All week, when things would frustrate me, I would think about waking up late in my country house tomorrow morning. I pictured falling asleep with a giggle after hours of Austin City Limits re-runs.

    The plan was to leave Brownwood this evening and drive to my house for the night. It was to be girls only while my parents are out of town. I thought this would be such a relief from the rest of our lives. There's just something about that house that means such sweet shelter to me. It's an island all my own as I step across the creaky floors. That house is my mom and dad, and my ever faithful four legged friend. That house is years of tears and laughter, arguments,  and sanctuary. I thought I would go home to recharge and relax; To be myself again.

    The story ends with my heart a tad broken. After a few unexpected delays, our departure was delayed to around 10 pm. Once we were ready to leave, a nasty storm blew in and called off all hope for our retreat. Now I have resorted to blogging my sappy feelings and avoiding homework I all but refuse to turn in. At the moment I have three power points, three exams, and three paintings looming over my head to finish.

     
    Currently Listening
    Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits
    By Bob Dylan
    Mr. Tambourine Man
    see related

Monday, April 21, 2008

  • ostrich

    I believe I've called your attention to this before. but let me just say, this is one of those days...

    os·trich [aw-strich, os-trich]
    –noun

    1.a large, two-toed, swift-footed flightless bird, Struthio camelus, indigenous to Africa and Arabia, domesticated for its plumage: the largest of living birds.

    2.(not used scientifically) a rhea.

    3.a person who attempts to ignore unpleasant facts or situations.

     

    I'd like to point out the third definition in particular. No, I did not make this up.

    Somehow it makes me feel a hint better just to express the fact that I am tired. I know, you have heard it all day and for weeks, but I need to say it. Today is one of those days... I feel like I am at the end of my strength. It's like at the rock wall, when you get to a certain point and though you are two feet from the top, you haven't the strength in you to make it the rest of the way. I am tired. I have worked hard and stretched myself farther than ever this semester. Which, is not really saying much considering how incredibly lazy I have been most my life, yet still...  I have worked hard and pushed just a bit further. I am a good student and I try to be involved. With about three weeks left, I am finding the end of my strength. I do not know how much longer, if any longer, I can keep pushing myself. I don't want to study, I don't want to go to class, I don't want to wear clothes, and I don't want to be nice. I am tired.


    I will be very glad to see my parents this evening. They are my rest.

guarogirl

  • Visit guarogirl's Xanga Site
    • Name: MOLLY
    • Birthday: 10/31/1989
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 11/16/2004

About Me

  • I'm molly. I like it at Howard Payne in my little town with my little art. Someday I want to do big exciting things in big exciting places.

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