Highlight

My day was well-rounded and enjoyable over-all.

I am really jazzed to have gotten a bike ride in as well as spent some quality time connecting with a few friends and family.

The highlight of my day however happened at work during a moment that has the potential for being rather stressful under most circumstances.  While conducting the second of the 2 Pre-K programs this morning I selected a girl to volunteer to help with part of the presentation who could not have been better suited for the task.  She delighted in helping out, not to the point that it was distracting, but to the extent that it got the message across to the kids that we were going for while also endearing the adults.  Far as I'm concerned, twenty years from now she can have my job! 

What really struck a chord with me however, was how things transpired after the program had ended.  All the kids were filing out past our fire hydrant robot while I stood in proximity and on-guard as all of the kids wanted to reach out and touch it as they went by.  I ushered them along and took deep breaths and smiled.  My future replacement was one of the last to file out and ever so briefly as she went by, instead of reaching her hand to sneak a jab at the robot, she reached out and took my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.  It was the sweetest, most disarming gesture, being not at all what I'd expected, and it was only momentary.

It was as if in that single expression she was saying, 'thanks for picking me', 'thanks for noticing', 'I like that you came to my class'. 

Someone asked me today about the benefits of my job.  The usual things came to mind, vacation, insurance, etc.  Truly though, it is moments like this one today that really make my job rewarding.  Maybe that girl grows up to be a fire fighter, maybe she remembers the safety messages we brought to her class, maybe it did nothing more than make her day to be chosen from among the crowd and recognized for simply delighting in her contribution.  Maybe that's the really the best of all!

likes

Currently Listening Afterglow By Sarah McLachlan Fallen see related

Hugs for Free, and other things to remember me by

I tend to write during the high's and the low's, but more often during the lows.  I don't want that to be what is remembered most about me.  I have plenty of bright, shiny moments to counter the cloudier times.  It seems that I have a tendency to remember things by how they ended which is something else I need to be aware of.

I spoke with my neighbor yesterday and she and I exchanged phone numbers and concerns and remarked on the beautiful sun-set we were being treated to.  I like that I am part of a community that looks out for one another.  I attribute my ability to be an active part of such a community because I've had people look out for me.

Most of the constructive fathering that I've experienced in life has come to me in the past two months.  It has been amazing and touching, while a bit overwhelming.  There is an opportunity for a lot of healing here for more than just myself.  I hope I am big enough to let it all in, to allow my heart to be touched to the fullest extent.  I am coming to understand why daughters love their dads.  Through this process I am also gaining stronger conviction for the person I choose to father my children. I guess that's part of it too.  Pre-emptive familial healing.

I am accustomed to being alone.  It doesn't keep me from being lonely though.  There are several events on my calendar that I am greatly anticipating because they will bring me closer to dear family and friends. 

I don't really need anyone to remember me for these things, in fact I hardly expect anyone to notice. (No offense Xanga.)  I just didn't want to forget myself.

Currently Listening Joan Armatrading - Greatest Hits By Joan Armatrading The Weakness In Me see related

Up past bed-time and musing

There are things in life we can up-hold without holding onto them.

To find sure footing, a steady measure, to walk with head held high, supported by integrity.

Thoughts over-powered by emotions, clouded by desire, becoming clearer with reflection brought about by injustice, clear conviction, shame.       I am not my hair, I am not my father. 

Not enough, and still too little too late. 

When will I be enough? 

I don't want to disappoint, again.

It hurts too much to see that look on your face.  It is too terrible a thing to ask you to share the weight of what I bear.  I would do well to bear it better, and in greater silence.  I am sorry for what I've put you through, and for what I hold back from you.

Perhaps as long as it is mine I have some measure of control. 

I've considered that the only way to reach a hard heart is to break it.  It didn't occur to me that my heart might be the one to break. 

Hold on loosely, for pity's sake.  I wish I were strong like you and I wish I could make you proud enough to hold your head high, always.

Time for a change

It seemed only fitting that my hair should change along with everything else in life, and with the Season.

Perhaps this is the 'true Easter' I've been anticipating.