This is the end. My final post. I’d like to be able to say that this has been fun, but it’s actually been mind-numbingly useless.  The marketers behind the blog asked that I encourage everyone to go see the film this weekend – they said “it will lift everyone’s spirits.”

It doesn’t do anything for me, but maybe you’ll enjoy it. Don’t worry about me though, nobody ever does.

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Thursday, April 28, 2005


Things That Do Nothing For Me

Here’s a list of things that do absolutely nothing for me:

Bikini-clad women Chocolate Puppies Sunsets Digital wrist watches Reality TV Sunrises Red States Poetry MP3 Players Jessica Simpson Flowers Short stories Sports

Long Stories Nick Lachey Tea Exercise Combination appliances Fish & Chips Dancing Remote controls Politics Comedians Blue states Digital video recorders Ashlee Simpson

3:50 am - 164 eProps - 86 comments - email it

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Wednesday, April 27, 2005


Ailments

I have a terrible pain in all the diodes down my left side.  I’ve asked for them to be replaced but no one listens.  I mean pardon me for breathing, which is something I never do anyway, so I don’t know why I even bother to write it.  Oh god, I’m so depressed.

4:56 am - 135 eProps - 73 comments - email it

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Tuesday, April 26, 2005


Computation
 
Humans are an interesting species – well, they would be if anything interested me at all.  I was bored today, so I calculated the probability of a male successfully picking up a female at a nightclub based on the following criteria:

height weight symmetry of facial features jawbone structure net worth knowledge of poetry vehicular transport choice of aftershave personality level of generosity with respect to aforementioned net worth

shoes testosterone concentration hair color, hair style estrogen concentration education size of knee caps confidence level hygiene eye color and finally the propensity for either boxers or briefs.

I came up with a mathematical equation that if followed will increase a male’s probability of success with a random female by 238%.  The equation is 57 pages long, and the most important factor in all of the criteria was knee cap size.

After that, I had nothing to do for the remaining 86,395 seconds left in the day.

4:44 am - 126 eProps - 73 comments - email it

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Monday, April 25, 2005


Life

Life – loathe it or ignore it, you can’t like it.

4:34 am - 159 eProps - 84 comments - email it