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| relationships are like walking down a road.
you never get to where you want to go.
and just when you start to hope no cars will fly by
you get hit by a speeding car.
things never end how you want them to
just when you start to hold out hope that things will be ok
something blindsides you.
thats twice now.
it isnt plesant.
where did i go wrong?
fuck this life. i dont care anymore
maybe ill do better in the next one.
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| when the reason you live, is because it will hurt people if you leave.
and because it would destroy a girl you love, but have no chance with.
what a sad boring existance.....
i need something to do
somewhere to go
something to care about.........that i can actually reach out and touch
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| ffsfinals time makes you think about time management.
if i wanted to do well i would have.....
finals time makes you think about priorities.....
i should have xxx instead of xxx.
but if it IS important enough now to realise what you should have done before...
why was it not important enough to do before?
do we not really care, or are we just so self-destructive?
people say if they studied before....they wouldnt have to study now.
and thats true i suppose....if you already know it then you wouldnt have to learn it...
but people would still brush up on whatever (though it dosent take as long)
but i guess the reason people dont might be because if you arnt studying now, and everybody is....you get hella bored.
that and if you fail anyways you feel bad.
but as for me....
i gave up caring a long time ago.
school is just for learning, if you learn nothing from it *shrug*
no point.
thats why i feel it to be a waste of time.
in fact most of school after 10th grade is a waste of time.
zomg you might have to use it in the future!
which is why sometimes adults cant help you with your homework because they learned it for school and forgot it because.........guess what....they didnt need to know it and it has 0 practical application outside of that field of study.
why do people act as if school is such a big deal?
ffs if you fail at school you do NOT fail at life.
mikey isnt the best at school, but you wouldnt really call him a failure or stupid.
school just isnt for some people, school praises traits such as memory and reguritation over analysis and logic......quit stupid if you ask me.
not to mention that some of the best people in the world didnt go to, or finish school.
why do i find myself wasting time here...
why do i even find myself trying?
ffs......
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| LadyBloodEmerald (11:48:27 PM): I was just thinking
dogabutila (11:49:15 PM): about?
LadyBloodEmerald (11:54:33 PM): somebody
dogabutila (12:01:00 AM): anybody i know?
LadyBloodEmerald (12:01:20 AM): yeah
dogabutila (12:02:38 AM): anybody im close to?
LadyBloodEmerald (12:02:49 AM): maybe?
LadyBloodEmerald (12:02:57 AM): depends on who's close to you, I guess
dogabutila (12:03:02 AM): lol yea
LadyBloodEmerald (12:07:36 AM): *shrugs*
LadyBloodEmerald (12:07:41 AM): I dunno
LadyBloodEmerald (12:07:46 AM): but I think I was right
LadyBloodEmerald (12:07:48 AM): life is an empty box of chocolates
dogabutila (12:07:56 AM): well
dogabutila (12:08:04 AM): i dont eat chocolate
dogabutila (12:08:31 AM): so i dont know anything about any analogys that have to do with chocolate
LadyBloodEmerald (12:09:35 AM): it's like
LadyBloodEmerald (12:10:17 AM): you get your hopes all up, then you look inside and there's nothing except maybe a sweet smell that wears off after a bit. and a bit of sweetness left at the edges.
LadyBloodEmerald (12:10:23 AM): the rest of it is empty and disappointing
dogabutila (12:10:46 AM): and every now and then something cheers you up a little bit
dogabutila (12:10:52 AM): like the crumb on the bottom
LadyBloodEmerald (12:11:21 AM): and then it leaves you longing for more
LadyBloodEmerald (12:11:26 AM): but you don't find any more
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
now you see why i like her so much.
we understand each other, and we go though the same things.
but this isnt a hype up cheli post.
i hate how life does things like that.
how it goes so well, and then things suddenly crash around you....
there was nothing really there.....
looking foward to something.......
and it dosent meet expectations
YA retreat?
and there are things that make you keep looking....keep you around....
but you can take all the crumbs you want, and theres still emptyness.
sometimes we have to just give up and move on.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i guess thats why i hate having expectations now, because things either surpass or dont meet your expectations........and if it surpasses them...great....if it dosent....then you get dissapointed...
better to just not have any, and to take things as they come.
expectations lead you to prejudge things.
"oh that game isnt worth it"
.....
after playing it.....
"maybe ill buy it.....its a pretty tight game"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
expectations influence your subconcious.....and that influences how things really turn out.
or at the very least....how you look at things.
~j
| | |
| simplyjabez: so hows your walk with god
dogabutila: we arnt walking
dogabutila: were standing there
dogabutila: staring at each other
dogabutila: about to speak
^ me being a smartass.
and yet.....truth to the words.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
we stopped walking......Him and me.
things happened and i didnt feel like being friends.
its like... what kind of friend lets things happen to you, when they have the power to help.
does he get a free pass on this, just because he is god too?
im kind of tired of that excuse.
and so i do what i do to people when i am mad at them.
i just dont talk to them.
punish them.
punish god?
looking back thats kind of arrogant huh?
even more so when i am glad that he gets sad because it works.
because he loves me?
maybe?
and so i open my mouth ready to speak.
what to say?
i guess i will do what david did.
heh.....sounds grand huh?.....do what a bible hero does.
david curses god.
calls him names.
rages.
stands there shaking his fist
and when all that is gone......
asks why.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
so....why?
i can think of many myself, but why cant i accept it?
stupid.
the ironic thing is that god dosent always answer why.
sometimes he just tells them to keep going.....to trust.
but trust is what is wrong with me.
trust is hard....i cant....not anymore.
the only thing you can trust, is that people always....always....look first for themselves.
even if it means breaking a promise.
even if it means........backstabbing
even if it means..................
even if it means..................
the reason i hate people that talk about things they do not know, is because they make incompetent leaders.
incompetent leaders make incompetent groups.
question always.
blind faith is wrong.......wronger then no faith at all.
explanations go with orders.
until it has been done enough.
enough so that the person following knows there will be a good explanation.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
so what if the explanation is one i cannot accept?
what if there is no explanation.
what if god just tells me to keep going and trust?
what then?
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