I definitely thought I was going to have to break up with Tommy because I couldn't handle our situation, but he came down this weekend. I couldn't have been more happier with anyone. We spent 30 hours together straight. I could never do that with anyone without getting sick of them. It's amazing how easily I can be around him. I love him, I love him, I love him. For a while I thought I didn't, but it was because all these other boys where getting in the way and telling me to break up with him and convincing me. I hope that doesn't happen again, because the way I feel with him compares to nothing else. I know that's a very cliche thing to say, but I do! I want him, all of him, all the time. But that can't happen.

I went to a wedding in California 2 weeks ago. The people getting married were in a long distance relationship for 1.5 years. If they can do it, so can we. It's tough, but I believe I can. I have every hope for me and him.

I hope the best for all of you.  :)

I love how I can get back at these boys for all this time. They shut me down, and now it's my turn. They want me back, and I don't want them this time. And they want me more like I longed for them. Karma's a bitch, but I guess I'll get the worst of it in the end. It'll be a hard time when karma comes around. But whatever, that's life.

I don't know who I am anymore. I've turned into a monster and only I realize it. I want it to stop. I want it to stop so bad, but it's so hard. I don't even know. I'm the most confusing person ever, even to myself. I want to give up.

At the same time, I love my life.

I'm that girl that I never wanted to be now. The one that acts like the boys that have hurt me in the past. I'm playing so many boys right now, it's like, why can't I stop? I'm such a fucking slut. I never thought so many boys liking me could make me feel so horrible. I know what you're thinking, wow, what's her problem. But it's like I never knew I was gonna end up this way.  Like how Alex fucked me over, I'm acting like him. I want it to stop. I want to stop talking to them all. I don't even know if this is making sense. I hate my life right now. I lost my bestfriend. I'm loosing my sanity along with it. I couldn't feel more alone.

Someone save me.