Currently Listening Some People Change By Montgomery Gentry lucky man see related

SORRY!!!!!!

look i understand that i don't act the same way i did from when well even a year ago at impact. i guess partly most of the time i really just care what we were playing or doing at impact i just wanted to god's word. just focus on that cause let's face it everyone knows i haven't been the picture of sunshine as of late(i mean long time). for those that have put up with me thank you. i might not show but it was helping. it has been a long process with me. what has helped was the fact someone said what they tell there friends when she talks about me is "he has been hurt bad so be careful with him, he is fragil" then it hit me SHE'S RIGHT!!! i am still dealing with somethings like in the post i said before but for the most part i am doing a lot better. me and carley are kinda back to being friends again but i don't see us getting back together. whether i want to or she wants to. but about the person i like i may never try because i am fragil and rejection would not be good right now maybe down the road if at all. you can say its self-esteem but because how i have been treated in the past its hard. some say just get over it, move on. its hard when most of your life i have never had someone there for me if i needed them. i am still trying to realize its like that anymore. i have somethings i never had before untill now. soem GOOD friends,well friends in general, church and most important what i didn't have growning up( at least for what i knew) i have GOD!! now i have more than i need. i am not the same loner i have always been.so i will try to be more huh "CHIPPER" than i have been for the longest. i just think since i haven't done much or been social people just put me on the outside. you know i don't know. i will be doing what can. so hopefully some of you haven't given up on me yet.  and i soon i can figure things out i will be having a house warming party or two. I AM A HOUSE OWNER!!! yea me (happy dance interruption). ok thanks again bye

J

ps some lyrics from a good song called lucky man- lord knows i'm a lucky man, god's given me a pretty fair hand. a house and a piece of land, a few dollars in a coffee can, my ol truck is still running good, my ticker is ticking like they say it should, i got supper in the oven, a good woman's lovin, even my bad days ain't that day, lord knows i am a lucky man

i find it funny that ppl just write it off that i am depressed all the time when i sit at the back of the church. i do understand why they think that. be suprised i do have a lot of other things on my mind than carley. maybe somethings i won't talk about. look i will always and forever love and care about carley but i don't see us getting back together anymore because of things that went down last time. i just have been thinking about things and trying to figure out you know what is next for me. there is someone else i am thinking about but i don't know if i wanna go for it yet. maybe give it sometime and really think about what i really want right now.

bye J

well for those who care "I'M BACK" maybe not better than ever but here non the less. so ppl talk to me. i can't wait for the retreat. maybe we can do some more dodge ball. i'll try not to hurt zak this time. i got a lot to do so this will be short.

jay