ONE

It was a Wednesday afternoon, at Winco, in the fresh fruit section in apples.  I selected a plastic bag (not that are any to choose from, the next on the roll being the only one available) and put a few apples into it.

Now, when shopping at our Winco you sometimes might notice two or three fireman coming through with a huge cart and three or four things looking rather small in the bottom of it.  The things they usually select are: large, frozen lasagna, four apples, a protein bar or two, a jar of peanut butter, a small package of ground hamburger, and some salsa for zest.  Most of us buy random things that we’re running out of, I know.  But consider that it’s 12 noon and the fireman are looking suspiciously hungry.  So, I ask you, what kind of lunch would all that stuff jumbled together make?  I strongly feel that some men do not know how to shop for food.  *ducks*  Now, now, I didn’t say ALL men, did I?  If you’re one of those lucky males that doesn’t completely freeze when they walk into a grocery, clothes or household item stocking type of store, I congratulate you on this accomplishment!  The triumph must have been made with much fear and trembling.

*Please note that I’m just kidding.  Most of the men in my life are amazing and would brave even a grocery store for me.*

Back to my story.  These particular firemen were in the apple section, too, as Mom and I debated over some relatively new "Honey Crisp" apples.  We were trying to remember if we'd gotten them last week or not.  And if we had, did we like them?  "Well, let's get a whole bunch anyway," said Mom.  "Have you ladies tried these apples?"  We both jumped.  It was one of the firemen was behind us.  "We actually can't remember..." I answered rather lamely.  "But you're buying them anyway?" he laughed.  "But then trying something new can be good for you," he added.

That was our smile of the day.  Once in a while it's fun to talk to another shopper.  I find it especially interesting when they're in the military, a policeman, or a fireman.  They give so much to protect us, that I'm honored to meet them, even in the grocery store. :)

TWO

A week or two later Mom and I were at Trader Joe’s.  Having not realized we’d be out so long before dinner, we hadn’t eaten for a while and were hungry.  Therefore, imagine us, starving and shopping at the same time.  It might have appeared to an observer that the joy of shopping was in us, because we’re buying so much food, but we were merely extremely hungry.  Note to self:  eat before shopping.  It’s kind of like, “Always smile and say, ‘green’ when you see a kangaroo in Egypt,” ya know?

As we’re checking out, the manager comes over to help the cashier bag the many needed bags.  He was humming along to a song playing over the speakers that just didn’t thrill my soul.  I mean, it wasn’t even catchy!  Never-the-less, the manager tried to convince us what an awesome band it was.  He told us he calls his wife when the band is playing on the radio, says, “Hey honey, I love you!” and holds the phone up to his player.  “So, she likes them, too?” I asked, thinking that of course she did if I called her like that.  “Oh, goodness, no!  She hates them, “ he grinned.  He said that’s called True Love.  Then he had another gem of life for us: “Someday when you're a mom you’ll say, kids, this is what I used to hear when I was young – it’s music!”  I shook my head, “No, I’ll say that The Guy At Trader Joe’s said this was music.”

He laughed and said, “They really are a awful band... I mean it’s not even catchy!”

THREE

After pulling and shoving our cart out the door, Mom and I looked up.  That was the dumbest thing we could have done.  The scene before us was rather out of the ordinary:  People rushing around like there’s no tomorrow; cars rushing around like there is and they're late for it; rain coming down like cats and dogs; the sun brightly blinding us; a 1½ inch ocean that HAD been a parking-lot dancing with the splashing drops from the sky and oddly enough the feeling that someone behind us needed to get by.

At the time it we were still feeling September-ish and only had light jackets on.  The only thing to be done was be brave... and run.  Trader Joe’s, however, doesn’t have those “Put Your Cart Here” things, so after loading our waterlogged bags, I ran the cart back up to the store.  Of course a huge UPS truck needed to go by just were I needed to cross.  Being a pedestrian and not wanting to die, I stopped and waited.  I thought I saw him wave at me to do, but who can see anything through rain and sun like that?  I ran.  Again, desperate to get to the DRY car or die in the attempt – life not being worth living if I didn’t get to said DRY car.

10 minutes later: the sun was shining, the birds chirping and the trees sparkling with water.  Like nothing had happened!  You see, we don’t get rain like that here in Washington.  It only drizzles, drips, drops, trickles and sprinkles.  So because of how short the downpour lasted and how brightly the sun shone through the whole deal , it made me wonder: did it really happen?  But then I realized, yes, it must have: I’m peeeeeeeling my jacket off.

FOUR

4.26 PM.

Wild Oats.

Mission: celery, broccoli, green beans and bread.

The celery was close and easy to snitch.  And broccoli only a bit farther down.  Green beans tend to be in an entirely different section, however, making them a challenge to obtain.  Carefully, stealthily I made my way through the dangers and obstacles.

On came a fast moving cart with apparently no one making pushing it.  “How funny!” was my first thought.  But remembered what I‘d learned in “Prep for Grocery Shopping: Humor and Terror” not only to see the funny side of things, but what else they might be.  Loaded, maybe?  I.e. proceed with caution.

Proceeding thusly I waited till said cart came nearer and nearer, only jumping aside at the last moment.  Whizzzz!  What was propelling it?  Short.  Small.  Laughing.  Blue eyes.  Blonde hair.  Maybe 5 years old.  Suspicious to say the least.

Thinking what I had just seen might be a distraction from real danger, I continued, wanting, against all odds, to finish my mission or die.  I was blissfully ignorant of what was to come.

Slinking along, I peered around every corner.  All was well.  Everything going as planned.  And then I saw it.  The only thing that ever stops me in my tracks.

Sour Cream and Onion potatoes chips.

I’m here to tell you that my mission teetered on the edge of my shopping basket.  Precarious was not the word.  Repeating that priceless quote: “Just keep swimming... just keeping swimming...” by Dory from Finding Nemo I managed to apply myself to walking past the chips.  It worked swimmingly.  Whew.  The worst was over.

And suddenly... there they were!  The green beans!  And the bread only two steps away.  Oh yeah.  Mission accomplished.  I even had theme music (just like Kronk!): “Just Eat it!” by Weird Al.  It had been running through my head all the while.

Credits:

-Dad for the... creative... title (Why, oh why did I say I didn’t have a title yet?)

-Mom for editing

-Peter for shopping with me when I needed him