So, after two months of xanga silence, I speak again. I barely ever check this anymore, yet when I did, it just didn't seem like anything was worth writing down. That's how a lot of these past few moths have felt to me. I bet if I were to write this another time, it would sound completely different because every day finds me in a different mood about life. Right at this moment I'm melancholy and listless. One of my writing moods I guess. It has turned bitterly chilly here in TN. I ache not only on the outside though, I ache on the inside. I feel more comfortable writing here now because not many people even read this. I feel so greatful one moment, and the next I feel completely lost and alone. One minute my life all makes sense. My major makes sense, my thoughts are clear, and my dreams sweet, but the next minute I'm plunged into confusion. Don't get me wrong because I'm happy for the most part, but there is a piece of me that feels neglected.

Mostly what bothers me is them. Most of the time I can just play it off and not even care, but there are times where it hurts. I wonder why her. I wonder why he picked her. True she gave him that opportunity before I had realized what I wanted was slipping through my hands like grains of sand. Damn me and my shy ways. I had hoped it would never begin, yet it has, and now I find myself hoping it will end. It sounds so selfish. It is selfish. I'm pathetic, but I'm being honest. I hate myself for that. She could be happy with any other guy who she could easily rope in with her outgoing ways, yet he is the only guy that could make me happy at this point. We have everything in common, but we stand on the opposite sides of the track, separated by her. I don't think it even matters really. I see them embrace and smile and laugh together, and I feel so alone. Could it be that I will always remain this way?

Well, after reading my pity party myself, I feel a bit ashamed, but I'm posting it anyways.

Goodnight~ Thanks giving break is almost here.

~Hannah

I never bother to update this anymore. It's not like I don't have time, I just don't take time. I haven't really written anything anywhere, in anything. I haven't felt like writing. College is going fine, but I'm still adjusting to the people, the classes, and the routine. There are days when I'm just glad when my last class is over. Because I'm majoring in film, many of the classes that I'm taking deal with design and drawing.

Before I started this year I felt that art was merely art. That each picture, each sketch was merely a copy of something real and ordinary, or a glimpse into an artist's inner turmoil or joy. I never took each element of art and dissected it's significance. I never saw a line and wondered about its harmony, its structure, it's part in the bigger picture. I had never looked in awe of the symmetry of  shape. I had never appreciated every fiber of a work of art. And now that I think about it, I had never realized how much art has in common with people. Life is a big picture. There is movement, there is harmony, there are places in the picture where conflicting ideas arise due to the shape of the elements. Each person is a certain shape. Each person is a line. Some lines are thinner then others, and some are thicker. The thicker lines are hard and sturdy. They embrace life with boldness and vigor. The thinner lines have seen many of life's problems, and wear thin with the toils and trials of relating to other lines in the picture. Each of the lines and shapes contribute to the overall image sprawling across the giant canvas of earth. Some pieces of the canvas are richer fabric then the rest, and some pieces of it are frayed and torn. The artist began the painting many years ago, yet it continues to take shape and grow. It began with just a few lines, and now they outnumber the sands of the sea. Some of the lines and shapes may tend to feel useless and lost on their giant background of life and experiences, yet they are not! Each line has a place in the artist's plan. Each line has the potential to be a great and important part of the picture.

And you thought you meant nothing. . .

My thought for the day. Stand tall and proud, be grateful for life and for its blessings. We are all important in God's big picture.

~Hannah

Where to start. Well, I made it down to Tennessee for college, and have been here for a little over a week. My classes started on Thursday, and my weekend has been very relaxing since so far I haven't had a lot of home work. The campus here is gorgeous, which makes it less painful to walk all the way across campus to my classes(which are all in 2 buildings on the other side of campus). I have met a few new people, but haven't bust out yet. There are just so many that it sometimes seems a bit pointless or overwhelming to get to know people. I know, that's the whole point of college. Don't worry, one of these days I'll wake up and befriend the world. My classes mostly consist of drawing and design, which I think will be both challenging and exciting. I'm also in Spanish 101, and I really think I should be in a higher class since our first activity is LEARNING THE SOUNDS OF THE ALPHABET!!!! Um . . .yeah I was hoping to start future tense. . .I don't know what to do, but it's kinda crazy. So, guys = none here at Southern, BUT well, yesturday I bumped into a guy named Tommy who I used to know when I was younger. I hadn't seen hi for 10 years, and let's just say the years have been kind to hi :) haha. I really hope to see more of him, almost need to see more of him. Well, it's a nice Sunday evening and I'm just sitting around in my dorm room doing nothing.

Until later, Hannah

Let's see. I have really gotten slack on my updates, but maybe that's good. Maybe it will fool people into thinking I have a busy, exciting, and fast paced life. . .well actually, I do, haha. I worked today and saw Randy for a few minutes. But on my days off (which were Monday and Tuesday), I got to see some friends. On Monday I went skating and then met Meg and we went up to Bath to see Tifferoni at work(and a special someone ; ). After that, we wandered into Goodwill and I found the coolest bracelet ever. Goodwill is pretty fun to look around in actually. Then we went over to Ashley's and ate supper and watched Moulin Rouge. I'd never bothered to watch  that movie, but it turned out to be pretty good. I LOVE a lot of the songs, and Ewen McGregor has a really nice voice. I love men who can sing! Anyways. Yesturday I met up with Rachi and Britt and we hung out and cooked our own supper. That was pretty cool, and then we watched a musical and ran around outside mooning cars with our bathing suits on and racing them along her lawn. Then Meg came over and we all watched TV and then hung out laughing over highschool memories until early in the morning. Well, I'm leaving in a few days for college! So, later.

~Han

Copper Pennies

Red Poppies. . .

Tarnished and wilted, waiting to die

Fade on the wings

Of your visionary eye

~The intro for the book I will someday write~

I thought of it late last night, and it stuck. I like things that stick and find their place.