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Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Theres nothing left for me.

DECADENCE - disturbed

Say, yes they know that you fought yourself another time
Don't they know that you're full of pain already?
Yes they know that you've hurt yourself another time
Decadence isn't easy, is it?
Yes they know that you've hurt yourself another time
Don't they know that you're full of pain already?
Yes they know that you've hurt yourself another time
Decadence isn't easy, is it?

Then you slowly recall all your mind
Why, your soul's gone cold, and all hope has run dry
Dead inside
Never enough to forget that you're one of the lonely
Slowly recall all your mind

Say, yes they know that you've hurt yourself another time
Don't they know that you're full of pain already?
Yes they know that you've hurt yourself another time
Decadence isn't easy, is it?
Yes they know that you've hurt yourself another time
Don't they know that you're full of pain already?
Yes they know that you've hurt yourself another time
Decadence isn't easy...

Then you slowly recall all your mind
Why, your soul's gone cold, and all hope has run dry
Dead inside
Never enough to forget that you're one of the lonely
Slowly recall all your mind

If I scare you now
Don't run from me
I've been hiding my pain, you see
Said if I scare you now
Don't run from me
I've been hiding my pain, you see

Slowly recall all your mind
Why, your soul's gone cold, and all hope has run dry
Dead inside
Never enough to forget that you're one of the lonely
Slowly recall all your mind
Slowly recall all your mind

Say, yes they know that you've hurt yourself another time
Don't they know that you're full of pain already?
Yes they know that you've hurt yourself another time
Decadence isn't easy, is it?

haha.. why your souls gone cold and all hope has run dry.. lol..
so tired today.. not sure.. haha.. stupid cheese world.. eat me already.
lol update lata.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

black finger nails

GHOSTS OF YORK - As Tall As Lions

I know
we're all souls just trying to connect with
someone, but we're all
left searching on our own

Tell me that you could hear it
three taps under the floorboard.
Dont' say I'm losing it,
maybe you're deaf.
Could have sworn
that I locked
all these windows fairly tight.
Shut the door
hear a knock.
She starts turning off the lights

And from the corner of my eye
I saw your dressed all in white
I saw you pass right by
But maybe I had too much wine
I hope you come back tonite
you never said goodbye

Tell me that you could see it
a ghost who's skin is porcelain
Don't say I'm losing it
maybe you're blind
Saw her walk
through a wall,
turn her head and look at me
In a York hotel hall
I am falling to my knees

Softly, as your dress flows,
you say that you're alone.
But I know I can't leave you
lonely and on
your own

hmmm.. finished summer course.. it was the best fun in ages
made heaps of new fds who i wont forget..
thanks heaps to alvina and marge.. for introingme to new ppl.. and just liek talking to me.. and obviously.. my bros rhett and tim!.. lol..

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Victims of pop culture

UNIFORM : bloc party

There was a sense of disappointment as we left the mall
All the young people looked the same
Wearing their masks of cool and disinterest
Commerce dressed up as rebellion

Because we are so handsome and we are so bored
So entertain us, tell me a joke
Make it long, make it last forever
Make it cruel just make me laugh
We can't be hurt

Drink to forget your blues on the weekend
Think about more things to buy
The TV taught me how to sulk and to love nothing
And how to grow my hair long

So why do you go picking fights that you will lose?
(When u have entertainment, when give you things to pass the time)
So why do you have to go thinking thoughts that are above you?
(You can be happy, just play dumb x2)

Well I was brave
And unique,
Intelligent,
A snowflake
I could have been a hero
No-one can be trusted over the age of 14
Tattoo our arms
Converse shoes
Cynical
But we still do it
We tell ourselves that we're different
I've gotten so good at lying to myself
All, all my pain and honour is used up
All my guns are rusted
So when are you going to realise those are not your wrongs to right
Have another line, have another drink
(Pop songs won change the government)

I am a martyr I just need a motive
I am a martyr I just need a cause
I'm a believer I just need to a moment
I'm a believer I just need a cause
We're finding it hard to break the mould
We are finding it so hard to be alone
We're finding it hard to have time by ourselves
We have nothing at all to say

Uniform

There was a sense of disappointment as we sped away
All the teenagers looked the same

nostalgia... just like the feeling of the song.. not sure.. today i went running.. came home.. then my mood just dropped.. lol.. just feel like listening to this song. lol. fucking feel like shit.. jsu dun really wanna talk to anyone right now.. feel like curling up into a ball.. lol

[edit] stolen from alvinas myspace... see what us germans do when we are bored!

1. Where you at?
in the study!

2. Do you tell your best friend EVERYTHING?
i dont have friends :'( jks.. of cos!.. but not much to tell.. lol

3. How have you felt today?
sleepy.. cos some BITCH woke me up.. lol.. screw who ever called me!

4. When was the last time you had butterflies?
well.. i had them in my soup a few days ago.. and maybe with chicken.. lol.. jks! cant remember

5. When's the last time you showered?
WHO NEEDS TO SHOWER!?!? jks.. like an hour ago.. lol

6. If you're single, why?
cos im too unco!.. haha..

7. Who are your bestfriends?
willie, rukshan, ummmm...and yeah.. cant remember!.. ll.. sorry if i forgot you!!

8. What were the last two TV shows you watched?
ummm.. no idea.. lol.. cbf wif TV now.. lol

10. When was the last time you talked to your #2?
what does the question mean o.O but like probs a few weeks ago

11. And why might that be?
they are overseas!

13. Something you say often?
fuck.. ummm .. oh yeah i always say i hate someone
LOL

14. Have you ever cried and didn't know why?
cant remember 8awkward silence*

15. What are you wearing on your feet?
skin!

16. Who was the last person you slept in a bed with?
brenda

17. Last person you talked to on IM?
alvina

18. Do you have any plans for tomorrow?
YES.. go library.. then sneak in and also A BIG HANG.. LOL

19. Do you like your name?
lol.. i cant even spell it.. JOKES.. well i cant spell the chinese part!

21. What color are your fingernails?
black !.. lol

22. What's your favorite song?
23 - jimmy eat world
run - snowpatrol
compliments - bloc party
uniform - bloc party
ghosts of york - as tall as lions

23. Who was the last person you held hands with?
ummmm. cant remember.. lol.. i probs like just grabbed someones hands.. lol.. but probs brenda

24. What phone do you have?
sony ericson 880i.. cos its sexy!

25. What are your favorite lyrics right now?
uniform - bloc party
ghosts of york - as tall as lions

27. Things you first notice about the opposite sex:
they have to dress well [i usually hate trackies]
smell nice.. i love good perfume.. im addicted to some people cos they smell nice.. [ do i sound like a serial killer?]
smile... ummm.. and OMG i LOVE BIG HAIR usually

29. Last person you sat next to?
dad or mum.. cos im a nood

30. Last time you were disappointed?
im perpectually dissapointed!.. haha..

31. Do you like being in pictures?
im a whore for pictures.. so yes.. but im not very photo genic

33. Have you ever been more attracted to a significant other's sibling than them?
no

34. Are you happy at the moment?
does anyone else feel like chicken??

36. Do you tend to fall for people easily?
*cough cough*..

37. Do you swear a lot?
FUCK NO.. I DONT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE FUCKING TALKING ABT I DO NOT FUCKING HAE A FUCKING SWEARING PROBLEM>> WHAT THE FUCK ARE THESE QUESTONS ABOUT> FARKKKKKKK.. jks jks jks

38. Is your bedroom window open?
yes.. so ppl outside can see me prancing in the nude!

39. Do you have any tattoos, if so which hurt the most?
no

42. Last time you fell down? Why?
last week.. i was worrying abt my pointy shoes.. and i was like.. dizzy frm some shit pool bar.. ad yeah.. just fell. lol

43. Do you know anyone with a lisp?
yes..

44. Who was the last person to call, what did they call for?
alvina. phone sex. LOL jks

45. What were you doing at 10:00 AM?
u dont want to know ;).. probs msn. LOL

46. Would you rather be cheated with, or on?
well i use cheats in video gamess.. its funny cos i remembre hearing this 5 yr old saying.. 'lets go home and get cheats from the internet' LOL.. quite obviously ive missed the point of the question.. but id never cheat

48. Last person who drove you somewhere?
mum. church!

49. What do you hear right now?
bloc party!.. haha music its sexy!

50. First song you listened to today?
ghost of york - as tall as lions.. GET IT YOU BASTARDS!

OMG cant wait for the BIG HANG XD XD XD XD

Thursday, December 13, 2007

hopes & fears

i hope
i can see her
i can hold her soon

i fear
i cant see her
numerous things..

im still asking myself how this stuff can happen.. i dun even know whats happening... its like there is so much shit going through my mind.. and i cant control it.. i jsut wish everythign could be solved.. i just wish she was here RIGHT NOW.. or at least soon.. but i dont even know if that will happen..... fuck...

FUCK. i just wanna scream right now...

i jsut spend the day staring at the photos of yesterday and the day before..
im wasting away..
will she save me.??

i know she will

<3 mushroom

[edit]

desperatly truing to hold back the tears,,,.. almost...
feel terrible.. like.. all my guts have been ripped out from inside of me.. now there is like nothing left.. almost feel as if im dead inside..

in short im fucked..
im going insane.. what to do.. what to do.. lol..
i remember ages ago.. i typed some song lyrics
they said.
i am a believer i just need a moment..
im a believer i just need a cause..
well ive found my moment.. and ive found my cause...

haha.. the games god plays. sucks that im always delt the losing hand by him.. haha..
just tell me.. its tearing you apart..
just tell me.. you cannot sleep..

i hate this feeling.. feel so lost right now.. its like.. a haze.. its not the same as those other times i say i feel lost..
its like that time when you are trapped between sadness and happiness.. between love and hate.. i guess you can say.
well.. lets see... im in malaysia now.. and yeah..

it started a few days ago when i went to s'pore wif my cuz jacob..it was a fun trip.. and il add the 200 + photos lata..........
fuck i just dun know what to say.. im not in the mood to type those 1000 word blogs anymore..

all i want to say is..
i hate having to have said goodbye to you.. i dont know when or where i will see u.. but i know i will.

say goodbye for the last time..

just like the last time we did...

[edit] only like half an hour after original post

ive been given time to blog.. today.. i dun feel like doing anything... we bussed back from singapore.. at like 1130.. but before that ziwei was sweet enough to see us off<3. so yeah.,. we bussed back.. and going to malaysia is like.. going from a palace to a hole.. singapore is like the shit compared to malaysia.. no offense to the numerous malaysians out there...
but yeah.. on the bus.. i began to think.. what is happening here.. i just started to think.. and realise things.. which were clear and apparent in my head.. and now i feel.. like.. so far from her.. when i was so close just a few hrs before.... thoughts of running back to s'pore keep going through my head.... id just.. iono i really wanna see her again before i go bk to aus (hint get ur ass here for my bday)
i have so much more to add.. but today has just been so tough on my mind.. im blank..
just.. keep my mushroom safe baby!
<3 mushroom ^.^