okay so last night after dinner, i grabbed a cab home because i was too lazy to walk to the t and also it was pouring.  i get into the cab and tell him my address.  he wouldn't stop looking at me weird in the rear view mirror.  i then hear him open a soda can ... take a BIG gulp ... and then ask: "do you want a beer?" 

i said: "no thank you" and thought, creepy taxi drivers shouldn't try to flirt with their passengers.  then THEN i thought "wait a minute, is he's fucking drinking a beer while driving me home?"  i asked him "are you drinking a beer right now?"  he laughed and said no .. but i didn't believe him. 

i sat still and held on to the railing until i got home.

i'm restless. 

i finished my first week of work .. it was great.  good people, interesting work .. this summer is primed to be really really great.  i wonder how everyone else is doing.

lately, i've been thinking about friends lost.  there are interesting exciting and new things happening in my life ... stuff that i know would be so much fun to chat with an old friend about, except that wer're no longer speaking with one another.  i didn't think it would affect me so, especially since i was so angry about it at the time.  now?  now i wish my phone would just ring.  oh well.

i'm becoming more dependant on my ipod for entertainment during my morning/evening commute.  i feel a little invisible when i have my headphones on ... i don't know why. 

i just woke up from a 4 hour nap and feel groggy and disgusting and emotional. 

jesus - sometimes we are so similar that it irks me.  ever notice that your worst enemies are really just reflections of yourself? 

i can't wait to get back to boston.  not only am i having major issues getting stuff done (yeah, still haven't made progess on the paper), i am getting antsy about not hearing anything from my work - i start in a week!  hopefully something is in the mail for me.

this was such a good vacation.

still haven't started my paper - i am such a loser.

too tired.

i really need to update more.

i've been back in california for about a week.  it feels great to be home, see my parents, drive around, see old friends ... but i've been lagging on my final paper and it's been bothering me.  have i made an effort though?  no, true to form i just keep complaining about it. 

as i was telling my friend last nite...though i'm SO over la, i'm not over california in general.  i've pretty much decided i'm staying in boston on the east coast for the next 3-5 years or so.  the thought of this doesn't make me incredibly sad anymore, but it also doesn't give me that rush of excitement i felt about 6 months ago when i first accepted it as a possibility.  i am excited to work, to be a professional, to live in a nice place and to maybe even become a yuppie (who am i?), all in the cobblestone, snowy and bustling city of boston.  i feel like part of the draw of living in a city city is to be on your own, doing what you want to do and going where you want to go.  at the same time, i know that a life in boston will always be a tad bit lonesome.   sure i like all of that me time, but what happens when you've pretty much found yourself and are over it?

i think i want to perm my hair - to get waves.  i wish perms weren't so permanent.