Currently Listening Wreck of the Day By Anna Nalick see related

I haven't posted in a while, which isn't a bad thing because that means I've been preoocupied actually doing something.

I was reading my entries about me sensing a change coming. WELL!!! That change has come my friend. The funny thing is I did NOT see this one coming. No, it isn't a bad thing. I hope its a great thing for friendships to grow, but at the same time I'm a little scared of what will become of it all... I just lied, I'm alot scared. I'm trusting God with this, putting him first in what I do and believe that I'm going to do His will for my life.

I get so jittery whenever I think about it. Life is a blessing, so I better enjoy it.

Currently Listening O By Damien Rice see related

Trials, tests, and people God put in my life for a reason.

Why are so many people so inconsiderate of others?

How can you call someone a friend when that is the last thing they act like?

Who gives someone the right to misinterpret information and tell it to somebody else when it isn't their business in the first place?

How can someone assume things they hear are always true?

Why do people give the runaround and ask everyone else for the truth EXCEPT the person who knows it?

Since when???

I'm not a perfect person or the perfect friend. I try to be, I try my hardest. The truth is if you treat me like your friend I'll be loyal to you and respect you. If you treat me like trash or one of my close friends the same I'll simply distance myself from you. By no means would I become your nightmare or anything along those lines.

Bottom line.... Respect me and I'll respect you.

Currently Listening All That You Can't Leave Behind By U2 beautiful day see related

Yesterday I was called in for work which sucked because I had already made plans for that night. I actually started crying not because I had to go in but mainly things have been so frustrating lately. It seems like alot of my relationship with people are just not working out. In most of them I care about them alot but I feel like they don't feel the same way. This is not all necessarily dating relationships either. It makes me feel like I'm not that important.

When I did get off work it was cold and windy just like fall. The weather never smelled so good. It was like the seasons were changing and there would be changes in my life. A comforting feeling that I needed at that moment. This morning when I got up my dad finally got a break from work. I hadn't seen him in over a month. He was cooking breakfast and I was cleaning my room with my windows open and my  radio on. It felt so good, and things seemed so perfect in that moment that I almost started crying because I was happy. Its such a gorgeous day outside that there is no way I can feel sorry for myself. I thank God for sending days like this exactly when I need it.

I've been so overemotional lately and its not even that time if you know what I mean. I can sense a change and I know its a good one. I'm ready for it right now.

Currently Listening Ok Computer By Radiohead see related

I feel completely shredded inside but not in a bad way..... if that is even possible. Its a mix of happy and sad emotions happy that we're friends and sad that he has no idea. I'm having such a hard time keeping this in but I know.... I just know that now is not the right time. Not for me though. I'm ready, I've been ready. I need to say something. This past week has been stressful on me and it doesn't help me being over emotional......... Its not in my hands, but God's. Eh, I don't know how long I can deal with this. a fkl;sdjflaisdfoias isd... thats how I feel. Like I don't make any sense. I can't even explain myself and this is all I want to do.

ksdf ajkdsf klsdafauseoi atdskjf lsdawdghio yio yi zgfoyio  asdgdjkzfsdlkal sdjfkasudfiouawe98043q airdj klj23;iojo5qu94akjwr  akejtiawrtijaw4i jai w4utaiowu4toi a huk w4yo5uiyu 34oijtkljdfgiajsfdjjksdyfoiausjd ijasid  

     Lately, I've been dealing with alot of sickness and constant tiredness. I feel that its holding me back from what I should and could be doing. I know its from not enough rest but, mostly from not pressing into the word because I'm getting pretty dead inside. We just had a chapel about jumpstarting your spirit. Before I just did my own thing not out of rebellion but, more out of honesty. I didn't want to live my life as a half Christian and say that I'm going to be a great christian and never do anything about it. I had respect for God but at the same time I didn't want to feel forced to do anything. I wanted to know that what I was doing was because I knew it was right and not because I was being forced to do it and doing it half-heartedly. I've been waiting for this for a long time and I knew it was coming sooner or later. It wasn't so much me riding the fence but waiting for the right time to jump over it.

      True, I shouldn't have waited so long. I know I just needing that maturity kick to come it.. and it has. I know I have the ability to lead inside of me, I'm not afraid of it I'm just waiting for the right time for it to be utilized. Maybe I need to grow in some other areas first. But I know that I am ready and willing when the time comes along.

     Emotionally, I know that I need a partner. Someone to hold me accountable and to help me along. I have faith that it will be supplied at the right time. Right now, I'm struggling with feelings for someone. Maybe its not the right time. It sure has been the wrong time for a long time though. I can't shake it and sometimes I feel like those feelings were put in me rather than it being of my own desire. At the right time, the right guy will be there and there is a certain happiness in knowing that, almost makes me feel content.