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| Days of RecollectionThat is why- as soon as possible- primarily for myself, I will try to organize days of recollection. I will not be able to stand the impact of the world otherwise. We can do nothing without saints, big ones and little ones. The only weapons we will develop will be prayer and penance. The world will leave us along, saying, "After all, they are not doing anything. They are just a bunch of smug fools praying." -DORIS DAY
Irreligiosa Solicitudo Pro Deo. (a blasphemous anxiety to do God's work for Him). -HILLARY of TOURS | | |
| Wars and Rumors of LoveWes and I arrived home last night after spending the weekend with friends. There was an election yesterday regarding a new constitution, autonomy of states (which favors the rich, and ultimately hurts the poor- especially the district of La Paz), etc. all of which is shady bureaucracy, one government accusing the other of illegal illegitimate laws, votes, and being. Its a bit interesting. We watched the news as stone wars went on in Santa Cruz. We waiting to see if our neighbors would riot. We returned last night to quiet streets, our cold house, and staff meeting this morning. I muttered as I got ready for bed last night, "I don't think many would understand what it means to prepare for civil war and have nothing to show for it but an all-too-heavy backpack." Its a volatile place to live and its hard to know just how and when it'll go bad.
Elizabeth and I spoke of reconciliation yesterday in her kitchen as we prepared lunch. I thought much of Volf and his theology of reconciliation, his brave calling out of the sin of the oppressed, their need too for repentance of the hate, anger, vengeance that is bred from the underside. That without a new order of Love, there is no peace, no freedom, just changes of power, someone different with a different name and color of skin becoming the very oppressor they hated. It has to be about more than power. Freedom even is hard to make sense of. Whose freedom do we fight for? At what cost to whom. "There is too much injustice in the fight for justice," he says. And can a war be won justly, without hate. I only know that I pray love and choose love. I don't know any other way.
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| Earth DayYesterday was Earth Day.
Wes and I celebrated by planting a patch of grass in a metal wash bin, which is now sitting in our sun room. Grass is rare in El Alto. Green is rare in El Alto. Oxygen is rare in El Alto. I'm happy to have a place to stick my bare feet in and breathe.
Luke (almost 2), Elias (5), and Andrea celebrated by picking up trash on their short street. Apparently half the block filled half a large trash bag. Elias is forever changed and burdened to save the planet. Trash is not rare in El Alto. Eli has his work cut out for him.
The Casa de Esperanza celebrated by initiating a recycling program. We now have 3 large baskets marked: papel, plasticos, and otros.
I've been thinking a lot about the garden, land, its significance in Scripture. What kind of restoration might come about for our women through buying a patch of land and working there together. What it would mean to plant and water and harvest together, to bring our first fruits to the altar in offering, and celebrate there His faithfulness.
Books we've read that are moving us back to the land...
1. Sex, Economy, Freedom and Community by Wendell Berry
2. Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver | | |
| ThirtyI was just remembering last year's tragic birthday entry and exhaling HUGE at the thought of where this year and this decade has brought me. A week ago Saturday, I turned 30. We had a rocking party, danced like crazy, and at one point, like at all great parties. A chair was placed "center stage" and I was told to sit. I know how these things go, but as I prepared myself to be completely embarrassed, I scanned the cramped crowd and smiled, thinking (as I had thought repeatedly in the days and weeks going in) that I was happy. That all of the fear and dread and treachery that these days are supposed to cause, was hard to muster. I was exactly in the place that God's faithfulness had brought me and what better thing to celebrate? It still may hit me. I've spotted my first gray hairs (more than 1) in recent weeks and feel like they've been placed there to taunt me. I'm trying to ignore them. Only my kid brother can tell you how terrible I am at ignoring taunts. Once the dance floor cleared, having heard plenty of ABBA and MJ, Cake and Fleetwood. I sat down, drank a glass of wine and started packing. Monday morning, Wes, Amanda (my dear friend who made the trip from Seattle), boarded a bus and 8 hours later arrived on the shores of the Pacific where we spent several glorious days sunning and swimming, reading and reminiscing, drinking coffee and mojitos, eating seafood platters, and watching dolphins and surfers ride the waves. It was perfect. I'm facing a bit of culture shock on the return (this IS the life I was chosen for. THIS is the life I was chosen for.... I miss the beach.)
My birthday often falls on the fringes of the resurrection and this year I'm feeling the significance of the season. Life shines dimly on the horizon just when you're feeling most heavily in the throes of death and darkness.
He is risen. He is risen indeed. | | |
| ListsI have an unhealthy fascination with lists. I'm the only J (remember the Meyers-Briggs personality tests from college?). And when I get busy my lists hit an all time frenzied high. I write them everywhere. Copy them over. And take GREAT JOY in checking boxes. Like I said, its unhealthy. Especially in a culture where the common shared wisdom given to N. Americans is to plan each day to get ONE thing done. Now then, there is very little joy in checking one box per day. So, my lists have gotten more detailed, include more smaller things I CAN control. E-mail Grandma. E-mail office. Write prayer letter. Call contact A, B, C. With these small, manageable lists, I can check more boxes! But my perfectionistic, type A, box-checking tendencies are far from conducive with Bolivian culture. My husband kindly (although I sometimes interpret it as tauntingly) reminds me that I tend to make unnecessary stress for myself around these things. I don't always respond well and just a couple weeks ago, we had a discussion around such themes, after which I stopped by Cara's who was meeting with her Servant Team in time for a Lectio Divino reading of the Mary and Martha passage.
"she has chosen a better way... it will not be taken from her." I'm trying to loosen my grip, sit longer with Jesus even if it means I can't check as many boxes and the meal isn't as complete and my house remains cluttered and dusty.
I'm still not as okay with it as I'm pretending to be, but the therapeutic process takes time.
Yesterday, I had an incredibly successful day yesterday. My most proud check was finding a new bathing suit for our Chile beach vacation (10 days and counting!) in the only landlocked country in the western hemisphere. And its cute!
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