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| I think I get choked up pretty much anytime I come to the realization that I'm incredibly disappointed with life, or rather, our current state of being.
Was driving up, and had a reminder that it is only a shadow of the future....
Welcome to the worldwide train wreck
Welcome to the come undone
Welcome to the big rejection
Welcome to the hit and run
Where mercy cries for everyone
Yeah, nothing is as good as it should be
'Cause this is the rehearsal
Yeah, in between the was and the could be
Love is the reversal
I believe we're underwater
I believe the engine's blown
Yeah I believe our secret longings
Tell us that we're not at home
But grace reclaims what the world disowns
I think deep down I have alot of sadness at the tragedies that people around me have faced....maybe not awful, horrible, unspeakable tragedies, but even the little ones.... if it is that someone feels no purpose in life, or if their loneliness plagues them.... the simple existence of boredom, meaninglessness... the scarcity of our ability to perceive God in this land....they make me sad beyond belief, to the point of tears. Every person that I've disappointed, or have been unable to love as fully as I should.... every person whose suffering I could see and do nothing about.... the way all these things get lost as time passes by.....time blows the memory of these things away, but not their existence....it creates forgetfulness, and new things present themselves too us....ever urgent and important....
At the end of the day, we only have but a few drops of water to quench the thirst of millions. With God, perhaps He will in our lifetime give water to many more than that....but for me that is not enough. It will not be enough until I see Him cause water fall down upon the entire earth, when no one will thirst and everything is made right again.
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| Dying.Heidegger essentially says that rather than seeing us as "living" life, or being a "living" person, it's more accurate to say we are always dying, because death is inevitable.
For from the moment we are born, death looms around the corner.
And what will we do, now that death is coming?
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| I think an outsider would have tried to spare me some of the more difficult or burdensome situations of my life. If they were able to simply stop certain things from happening, they might.
But God has allowed what has come to pass to come to pass. And I am glad for it in my own life, no? Even if I did not understand at the time, the suffering has born fruit that outweighs its cost. And more than that, it has brought me closer to the One I love.
The most difficult thing will be for us to believe that in the moment of another's suffering, the same Providential hand guides them with more care than we would give, and with more wisdom than we can fathom, for were we to govern the universe ourselves, we would either destroy it or bend it to our will, destroying freedom, and with it, any hope for love.
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| The trouble with the idealist is not that he does not have good aspirations.... it is that he will not take the pragmatic, concrete, long-suffering steps in order to achieve that which he dreams about.
The pragmatist errs in that he thinks not about the goal of his labor, nor does he strive for anything truly worthy.
To reach for the unattainable and the impossible, but to labor each day and suffer for our that which we hope for... this is the way to live.
Pragmatic wisdom tells me that I hope for things which are rather foolish, impossible, or not reasonable. The trends, statistics, and "ways that people have always been" tell me otherwise.
But I must not let the dreams own me, nor the apparent pragmatic constraints which limit my ability achieve my dreams in this very instant...
I must instead very, very carefully plan to do the impossible, and watch God unfold a miracle larger than my own imagination can contain.
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| Brecht.It seems that I'm in a place where I have two jobs, but both are busy....
Work is picking up steam in the two weeks I have left, with a huge project to finish prior to leaving....
Ministry responsibilities are swinging for a large timeshare as well, leaving me pretty stinking tired.
Sigh.
But if it don't hurt, you ain't giving, right? 
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