| when you come to find me...
i wont be waiting...
ive had enough of this...
i hate it...
pretntious thoughts...
childish fears...
i wish i could trust...
every feeling and tear...
and you realize this world...
is too angry to love...
but too lovely to hate...
and its not all like a fairy tale...
real life rarely is...
and the happily ever after...
comes at the cost of a few bridges...
and thats even on the idea...
that it could even happen...
which i have come to the conclusion...
its all just imagined...
its work sweat blood and tears...
going in to something to last...
and the only way its worth it...
is if the good outweighs the bad...
but its not always the case...
when everything begins to add up...
the intricuicy of our minds...
shapes and turns to dust...
and eyes turn pink...
and bloodflow peaks...
and cheeks turn flush...
and your clinching your fist...
and yelling a name...
that has long forgotten or doesnt care...
and you think it could get better...
but it unravells again...
more fighting than smiling...
more smug than ever...
no more whites to be shown...
as crystal spheres fall again to the floor...
hands now damp...
soggy from the wet...
and you wonder how you got here...
in this fucked up mess...
clinging to a lost dream...
hoping for a better day...
promising to do better...
but dong worse one day later...
its a dangerous cycle of life...
never say something that isnt the truth...
hatred cycles through our ears...
but you must figure out what to do...
fight for whats yours...
dont sit down and watch the tail lights...
talk it out...
yell it out...
scream it out...
but work it out...
because in the end when your on the same page...
its worth it...
more than often...
thats the bliss of being human...
arrogance...
ignorance...
persistance...
anger...
fear...
happiness...
remorse...
sorrow...
millions of tears....
and concious thought and decision...
going in to every move we make...
but to give up your heart is another thing...
because it takes the full spectrum...
and can even roll it into a single day...
but in the end its worth it...
it really is...
and so this morning i looked at myself and smiled...because finally im
working out my incessant problems...constantly reoccuring in my
life...and i congradulate myself time and time again...but one
problem...i look at my life...and frown...i guess i need to turn that
around now too huh...or work in order...whichever...but the two go hand
and hand though...right? oh well...life sucks anyway...
and i digress to something more...my heart and best wishes go out to a
friend with a family member in trouble...i hope it doesnt hurt you like
i think it does...and if u know who u r...im still there for
help...though i know u wont need it...
sad song...i was bored
open the door...
and you will find me...
holding my hand out to set you free...
just take my hand...
and ill show u the way...
and i swear we'll be better...
forever...
and lies...
theres still the window...
the back door and others...
and while your back there again...
i wont be smothered...
to unstrap myself again...
and find myself there...
i can only think...
i walk through the door...
this time you were waiting...
you smelled her in my clothes...
but all you said was baby...
and gave me your eyes...
and turned and said goodby...
but awoke still in my bed by morning...
theres still the window...
the back door and others...
and while your back there again...
i wont be smothered...
to unstrap myself again...
and find myself there...
i can only think... |
| |
| i just wanted you to know...
that i think about you every night...
and when i fall asleep...
you are in my dreams...
just like in a movie...
the one you want to see...
with the happy ending...
so...
a shit load has happened...
but finally im getting my shit together for real...finally...
and it took her for me to find my place...
im sorry again for that...
so im kicked out of plano...
evolution is my new schooltime residence...
and i gotta say in looking foward to it...
old friends...
good stuff...
Joanie...
you're amazing...
and you help me more than you'll ever understand...
oh what tangled webs we weave...entertwining so intricuitly it seems
like a maze...until you find out...that ever piece of webbing is really
at a different level than the last...never touching...but depending on
the angle viewed...they all seem relavent to eachother...pillars of
life holding up their very existance...but everyonce and a while...you
come across those two on occasion...that need to cross...and those are
the ones to examine and learn from...
just smile...
no reason for anything less...
so many things i would have done different...
but thats irrelavent...
because i cant...
i hate those...
well we should have done this...
bullshit...
bc...when youre already sitting in your cell with your buds...its too late...
but it always comes up...
oh well...
adulthood...
im not even close...
not really...
|
| |
| yeah...so im single...
looks like perminately...
not gunna lie though...
im gunna miss her...
so i have no rules anymore...
should be fun...
lets experiment shall we...
ladies?
|
| |
| soooo...
kicked out of my house for the entire spring break and uive been bumming homes for the night out of friends...
i feel so helpless...
and i hate it...
and my girlfriend has been sick all week and i cant do anything really to help other then talk to her and the occasional visit when the parent allod...
my life...
its a funny thing right now...
i dont know what direction its taken...
i just dont know...
but what i do know is that i have some of the most amazing friends in the world...
thanks...
and peace... |
| |
| too much shits gone down to even talk about...right now im happy with
where things are...good terms with friends...amazing
girlfriend...everythings going good...
so i bid you all a good day...night...and morning...
until next time...
may the force be with you...
|
| |
