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| i need three more hours of sleep. | | |
| why do i have a sickening feeling in the ppit of my stomache telling me not to give into this?
i feel like he's going to be just like joey..
more waiting.
but then if i don't take this risk now, i might not get another chance. im lucky to have this second chance..and i don't want to regret letting him slip again.
i don't want a repeat of the summer and holding out because of joey only to be rejected later.
ugh.
but friday...he just made me feel so alive. | | |
| it's intoxicating and im drowning in it.
haha. such an emo statement.
if you don't like being hurt then please don't stay
im almost there.
im moving to my livejournal. ask if you want it. | | |
| and i think yesterday was one of the best days of my life.
i woke up around 10 and talked to neenah for a good two hours. i told her i didn't want to do the parade with winds and that i was going with adam. i was actually a little scared because i told my parents i was going to the parade. at 12 adam called and said he'd be at my house in less than half an hour. i was still talking to neenah and hadn't gotton dressed yet so i was in a rush. it was pretty funny. i got in the car and we took off.
i remember saying, there's no turning back now.
we got to bolsa chica around 1:30 or 2. me and uly ran out to touch the water. it was amazing..the water was..amazing. we all sat around and talked for a little bit until we got a game of tackle football going. i was the only girl there and i wasn't about watch them play so i got in. it was great. i scored most of the touch downs and the boys kept taking me down pretty good. it was a good time. we "halftime", me and adam decided to take a walk along the beach. it was the best thing. so soothing. casey and uly ran up to us and they all talked and walked along, and i just walked staring out into the water. just thinking about everything. i had talked to joey about 20 minutes before we walked, so i was pretty, confused i guess. the water just calmed me, made me not think about joey so much. it was good.
we got back and made smores. then played more football. around 6, we decided we really wanted jack n the box. so randall drove me butters and casey like, a block over and watched marvin uly and adam walk. it was funny. i rodered a number 6 while ALL the guys got salads. i felt like a fat ass. neenah ended up meeting us there. and we went back to the beach. it was some good stuff. we played more football in the dark. it was great. adam kept taking me out in like..some pretty painful ways. but it was all in all, a good time. we made some AWESOME plays. band nerds beet the football players. good stuff.
after the game ended, randall and butters decided they were gonna leave. i asked nee if she wanted to go with them and she did so we did. which was the smartest thing we could have done. that was the funniest car ride EVER. butters and randall are some pretty funny guys. they didn't want to go straight home, so first we were gonna check out the glass house but decided otherwise. so we went to vineyard and thought we'd get some dairy queen. we pile ouf the car and find out that it's closed. randall really needed to use the bathroom, so we went across the street to starbucks where him and randall walked in on some guy in the restroom. fun stuff. i bought a jones and we hit the DQ drive thru at 9:59! they were all closed because it closed at 10. buuuuut, randall ersuard the ladies to get us some ice cream. so me and randall got out of the car and ran back to the menu to figure out what we wanted..then ran back and ordered. it was fun stuff.
sooo..on our way back to fontana, we were about to pass scandia where we decided we wanted to minigolf. we ended up passing the scandia entrance like twice. we finally made it in where butters got scared because there were clowns. and there was a big group of black people and we were gonna make nee go but instead we made butters (who is terrefied of black people) go. he ended up checking the wrong prices so we just drove around the parking lot and then back home. we stopped at neenah's house so she could get clothes then came to my house.
it was a really..REALLY good time.
after the past couple weeks i've been having, yesterday was the perfect escape. | | |
| and i'm so sorry.
maybe im just making a big deal out of this, but i can't help but feel extremely alone in this right now. the last few nights have been a blur. i've been going to bed crying either because of something that happened with joey, or neenah, or kelley, or myself. i didn't sign up for this, and i don't want it.
it isn't that im mad, just feeling a little bit..taken back. such hateful things were said, and i can't get past it.
i hope tomorrow brings up my spirits. | | |
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