you may as well

be a universe away

i don't know the rules

to this game we play

time outs

time ins

foes  friends 

in bounds or out

i do know

you doubt

you forfeit   mme2

faded

and

cruel blue

like the haze

in misty chalcedony skies

blocking my view

of the moon

half of

the meaning

of

the sky

i was blessed i guess

to have one of those moments

 hours

half days or more of crystal clarity

when everything is fitting tightly together

and nothing interefers with my processes

i may go ahead and ride it on out

into the night

in all of it's complexity and unbelievability

it feels right and was an awesome plan it seems

i am just amazed still

 i fit into it

U ?  just curious mme2

raspberry rave

i thought i might just

write all night

and drink raspberry coffee till i die

all blurry eyed

 bleeding all my feelings out

in a warped  but so neccessary

 personal purification rite tonight

or take to the sky

flying higher than i have yet

 imag_ined possible

is their a height i have not hit ?

in my magic_ianship

cause

vultures are pecking at my bones

regurgitating me already

waving  promises in front of my face

and taking them away in emptiness

or  they are waitng in line

one at a time

impatiently in a circle overhead

what's my life really worth anymore ?

i'm tired of being target practice

a few scraps of paper some doodles

 in  hundreds of books ?

notes on napkins or sheets

scratched up discs

a worn out bible

picKturez that once meant something ?

but

are now just colored voided memory shards

on shiny filmy paper

except for ancestors i still  love

in frozen frame

everyone else is gone

according to directions

some

spur of the moment paintings

wild art of my beautiful minds design

passion ravings unheard

or mostly misunderstood

a few road course directions

left behind

so angels can negoiate curves

and thrive down here

sentiment to a few great folk

trying to find  a way

two stone statues in a makeshift garden

with starfish in their crowns

don't they know when to quit

or is it just mme2 ?

jesus did not even go thru

this much crap

but i'm over it

and wondering in silence

what it all means or meant

is it really what i thought ?

i read on a wanna be wizards site

that the devil gives people a glimpse and feel

for what they really need and want

but

 never meets their deep desires

he only demands more and more

till they are all used up

that is their hell

unmet requirements

that set me into deep supposing

and a moment of turmoil

but

i whirled around

i had to look at the word we both left

and the heart i once had

you too tho hidden away

i understand today

i guess it is still there mine

i hear it sometimes

i hope some good was done somewhere

along the lines of time

i try and nuture it

my heart

give it a daily jump start

but people keep draining my battery

according to the charge i put in it

somedays i wonder

and am saddened because

love has not caught on yet

to the greater extent

and in all due respect

i have to hide it away most days

my heart

to keep knives of ignorance from being

stuck in it and twisted

by ones' who "knew" me back when

and in near to final analysis 

suppose

 something good came of it

beside creative yearning

and an awakened feamale fire

personally

although

i am

really not all that selfless anymore

i have grown in self awareness

for whatever good that may b

i have not gained

 not yet   

what i want most

what drives me

keep me keenly focused

that desire  true wildfire

would still b your love

in present tense

all of it  dark and bright

ady and night

in every dimension

coming and going

know and unknown to man

i wonder why

you were shown to me

and i perceived your glory

when others thought you

a crazy mystic entertainment  at best

i wonder  again

why i

heard you so clearly

disginguished your cries

across the airs of the universe

from all the rest

i thought i knew

i thought  i felt they were

meant for me

everything fit so perfectly

even the missing pieces

i wonder

 if my fire will extinguish itself

in a burn out fit

without ever meeting its' wick

or all  it's all consuning heat

itself 

coming  from another direction

and

i don't want to

but i wonder if

God

 has forgotten me 

i am his child you see

and love Him dearly

or is that just an extended teasting too ?

there have been so many

i loose   trac

it all feels so punishing

when i attempted to do

some good in earths' neighborhood

in anonymity

 i felt our mission here was to

help extinguish that requirement

for service in

His army 

no more martyring

is what i was shown 

maybe i have blown it

unaware

i did not get

a rule book  you know

just written  instructions   

and what i gleened

from your memoirs

and poorly written

 only partially researched

autobiographies

so pitifully done  

well i gotta quit

i.m outta cigarettes

and i said i would quit

but i haven't yet

i guess that is a frigging requirement too

in the endless hurdles

 i have had to jump 

to show my strength and endurance 

and realize this love  love  ~ all jacked up but truthfully

nothing held back from  mme2 

my love  for an endless eternity to you ~ bec_k