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| | Sunday: A Day of LearningI learned two totally new things today! That makes for, in my estimation, a very successful Sunday. Because every time you learn something, Jesus gets his wings. Well, for that day at least, because you have to learn something again tomorrow.
Here are the two things I learned, in numbered list form, because lists are good ways to organize things.
1. What is that smell in my fridge?
Today I learned what that smell in my fridge is. Many have wondered what that smell is. When going to get a beverage, or perhaps a slice of sandwhich meat, many have remarked "Josh, seriously, what fucking died in your refrigerator?" My friends, you see, lack tact. But they have a point; something is wrong. I'm not sure if something died in there, or died first and then was placed in there, but either way, the smell of death was ripe. Several times I've halfheartedly investigated. Once, I thought it was a chunk of cheese that had a little mold. But after removal, sure enough, the smell remained. Next, I found a moldy orange in a big box of oranges. But once again, the mystery smell persisted.
today, however, I went a little further. My fridge has not one but two vegetable drawers. This is highly unnecessary. I only have apples in one vegetable drawer and never put anything in the second. It's kinda like having a second appendix. But today, I looked in that second appendix for the first time since ever, and lo and behold, there....was....something. I can't explain or describe exactly what It is, or what It once was, but there is no doubt that the moldy gooey blackness of It was overpowering. But I had to inspect it. It was in a plastic bag. It weighed a few ounces. And there was a sticker on it saying that it was squash.
I don't eat squash.
How did squash get in my second appendix? Who put it there? How long had it been there? It's kinda like the Moai of Easter Island.
Except instead of regal, mysterious stone carvings on a south american island, It was rotten pulpy refuse in my fridge.
So, to all my readers, it is safe now. The biohazard has been contained and neutralized. You can come back over and get things from my fridge and not have to stifle the gag reflex. Sunday: the best day ever.
Thing Number Two: The Awesomeness of Science.
Big credit to NPR-listeners KtothaC and her dad, who was in Austin this weekend and shared a story they heard on some NPR show in which they speak in calm, quiet tones. If you're a radio dj/announcer, you are never allowed to do this unless you are on NPR. Ever wonder why commercial radio station DJ's change all the time? It's because their throats explode after a few years of yelling all the fucking time about everything. On NPR, they can just talk, and thus their people continue on the radio for a long time until they are clubbed to death by republicans.
So NPR told KtothaC and her dad about an amazing, unbelievable scientific principle that I can't believe I haven't heard of until now. Imagine if the urban legend about eating pop rocks and drinking coke were true. Imagine if you could really make something explode just by mixing stuff in soda. Wouldn't that be an awesome world, one in which you were sure that there was a God who loved you lots?
Well, shazzam, you are indeed in such a world, so get down on your knees and kiss some dirt or carpet or whatever is coating your floor right now. Because it turns out that if you put a roll of Mentos (yes, the Freshmaker!) into a two-liter of diet soda, it will Explode Your Face. Unless you are smart and move your face or wear a protective visor.
I am no scientist; I don't know why this works. But this afternoon, old friend/accomplice Robert Lundin happened to be in town, and when I told him about this rumored Mentos/Diet Coke phenomenon, he insisted that we rush to the CVS and buy Science Supplies.
We brought the Supplies (a bottle of Diet Dr. Pepper, Pepsi, and Coke, and 4 rolls of Mentos) and brought them back to my apartment, where many yuppies and trust funded hipsters looked on in mortification. "Oh. My. God. Are they playing with soda?"
The moment of truth had arrived. We unwrapped the mentos. I was nervous. I did not want to die. Not now, at any rate. Not in a soda-related mannner, either. Mentos, the Deathmaker. I dropped in as many Menti as I could before the reaction took place.
And...
wow.
I have no videos or pictures of the incident, but i urge you to watch this if you don't believe me.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=4077724936497803978
or this
http://www.youtube.com/watch.php?v=9J6rGf1iGXU
Or, this thursday, meet me at KtothaC's Birthday Bbq sBectacular, where I will be demonstrating my applied scientific learning.
Sunday learning is so awesome.
| | | Posted 4/23/2006 5:03 PM - 8 comments
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