Wow. haven't written in xanga for awhile and everything has changed.
CRAZY.

So yeah.. the reason for this weblog is to express my feelings of uselessness!
Honestly, when I was little, I've always had the image of myself leading the normal life, getting married eventually and becoming a mom.
And now. I don't even want a boyfriend let alone HUSBAND.
ahhhhh this growing-up process is too fast and it doesn't help that I go to a Christian school where marriage is encouraged like mad.
Seriously, the guy that I used to like last semester *before I found out he had a gf* has a FIANCE now. and he JUST TURNED TWENTY. for goodness sakes.
I don't blame them since... before becoming a youth pastor you have to have a wife so the parental units of the young teenage girls don't have to worry about hankyspanky. SICKKK ahahah.

Oh dear me.
I'm off to my own thoughts again. Hope you enjoyed that rant. -_____-;;

Talking to Shirley was pretty amazing today. I haven't done that ranting and explaining so much in 2 years +.
Calgary has changed me.. for the better, I think.
Otherwise, all I do is overthink situations and overreact.

ELL OH VEE EE. Shirley ^_________^

Los Angeles, CHECK
Mexico, CHECK
San Diego, CHECK
and now... Taiwan. CHECK

It's just another beautiful but hot day in my homeland. Everything's so different now that I've come back when I'm older. I see things differently, hear things differently and think things differently. In the end, I still love it.

It has been ... a month? since Steven stayed at my house in Calgary. Now that I think about it, wow that WAS wierd. having your ex stay in your basement? Awkward, please. but it was alright. now for sure, i know that there are no more feelings left for him and i can FINALLY move on and stop comparing other guys to him. I'm talking to him right now though and... it's -- you know what? I don't care anymore. it's just whatevs.

Calgary has taught me not to overthink everything and make everything into such big drama. so... whatevs.

ON A LIGHTER NOTE:
FOR YOU SHIRLEY FOR YOUUU.

Post 5 weird and random facts about yourself, then at the end, list the names of 5 people who are next in line to do this. Also leave a post on their Xanga to let these people know.

1) I have a lazy eye. 0_o shhh*
2) I like to play the race card.
3) I love easily.
4) I am 19 years of age.
5) I have one foot bigger than the other. AHHHH bigFOOT

even all the gods are crazy,
even all the stars are blind
if you show me real love baby
i'll show you mine

actually, no. i like being with myself. ^___^
i'm afraid of basically everything that involves feeling and falling and all that jazz.

thanks for still reading my xanga, you know who you are. =)
i think i pretty much calmed down from being angry at my parents because i know i love them.

BUT i still need to leave.
after our taiwan trip, hopefully things will be different.

him = 5 days. ooh my i forgot. when we first started calling each other again. i was "playing street hockey" seee? and the others were being extra loud so i couldn't hear him and i kept asking him to repeat himself. finally they settled down and...

i ask "what did you say?"
him: "nothing"
i: "no, tell me"
him: "no, it was nothing.. nothing"
i: "gahh i hate it when you do this!"
him: "i just said.. you're taken cuz you're mine, right?"

OHMY. cuz we were talking about marilyndarling and her boyfriend. then later on, he goes ... "yeah, it'll be like couple [marilyn+bf] and almost-couple [me+him]"
mmm...the things he says that makes me smile out loud which is laugh.
WHAT A CHARACTER.

Sometimes and by that, i mean all the time. i wish i was back in austria.
just ... away from the parents. and family.
honestly, i cannot have my mom just controlling me all the flippin time.
CONTROL and what to do.
i cannot stand this anymore.
in austria, my mom had no way of calling me or finding me and i was free to do whatever i wanted. i need the freedom. i need to move out.
i am very envious of my cousin willie. his family is not here but i'd rather be alone than have all of them down my back every 5 seconds.

when steven comes, they better be more lenient.
ugh. just... no.