29 March 2008 12.06am

haven't come up here for nearly a year .....

i just called my ex-man .... haven't been called him for two months since his birthday.  he is now arranging his biz trip.  every year this time, he is always busy with planning all the meetings and arrangement with his colleagues before leaving hk.  this year is exactly the same .... poor thing. never be able to have a minute real break since working in here.

europe is cold still, remember to rug yourself warmly and don't get wet.  weather change all this days... no one can tell what is gona like this next monring.

if u are stay the same place, pls have a good look of my favorite flowers during your stay.... and pls remember their fragrance which is my symbolize.

every though it was just a short talk with him, but we care.

gdnite dear. i gota sleep now as i don't feel really well.

love, j.

fever, tonsil infection and working six days a week ..... what else can be bad like this ?

thought that i would finish work and go home to sleep at nite ..... what the hell ..... that fucking metal tray, heavy like shit .... dropped on my feet last nite .....

it was hurt enough that i couldn't even scream it out ..... but cried only

now .... my feet looks like black purple color .... swell and pain

have to squeeze my feet into the running shoe hardly and can't even walk fast today ..... damn

what else can be bad like this huh ?

funny !!!!

j.

haven't been here for so so so long...... didn't know what to drop down in here .....

been sick for a week ..... getting cold in melbourne ...... rainning all the time ......

working six days a week ..... physically exhausted ..... mentally tired ......

heavy rain ...... got wet from head to toe when running to see doctor during the work break yesterday ..... didn't even know myself got fever ..... probably tonsil inflection caused me to have fever .... for god sake

j.

here today getting cooler again .... just had a bit rain .... now is a bit sun again ....

feeling much better when it rains in melbourne

j.

i feel more than strange when you call me joel ....... and i dont know how to tell you my feelings, but just not right and strange ...... i know you want me get used to as well....

probably you already getting used to not have me in your heart ...... or probably you have me in your heart everyday ....... i am not sure ....... but the only thing i know is i have you everyday, everyday....

i see your face everyday ..... i don't know why you always show up in front of my eyes .... smile to me very sweet .... when i did my driving lesson today ... i stopped at the red traffic light and i looked up the light and i saw your smiling.....

i just wana tell you my feelings, that's all i wana do .... i know you properly will try everything want me to let you go ..... but ....... not yet honey.... just not yet .... i am not there yet ..... this is how i feel of our loves in all those days ....

i still remember the nite that you said to me being apart would be the best decision at the moment ...... sometimes, i fink you are really good to me .... becoz you are honest to me ever.  you know you are not sure how long do you take to give me your commitment .... you proerply fink you don't wana waste my time for you, so even though how much you don't want to lose me, you still made out the decision to push me go.  push me go just becoz you want me to have happy life .....

but you know what honey ? lost you will be the biggest regret in my life .... and i will be living in regret all my life without you being with me.

you are the only man i ever mention about getting marry ..... even though we don't have much in common, even though you have so much bad habbits .... even though i have so much bad temper ..... but these are not the thing.  the thing is i know we love each other every second in our heart .....

we probably met not at the right time ..... but no one can exactly tell when is the right time in life ..... so, i believe we met at the right time becoz we both love each other more than so much ......

i tell you what honey .... i feel so afraid written this to you .... becoz u probably will run away from me, not picking up my phone, not writing back to me to make me feel bad, to make me walk out of your life ....... or you probably will write back to me telling me that you don't love me anymore to make my heart die .....

but not yet honey ......... i am not yet giving you up ..... not even close to that .....

i am looking to see you someday .....

loves, j. with xoxoxo

and p.s. to you : no matter how much you want me to go, i still love you very very much !