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| now, i dont want to
wallow. i really dont. i hate whining, bitching, and
complaining. it seems to be my hidden super power, though. whether
or not it will help me on my war on crime, ill never know. it
just doesnt scream bulletproof.
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| so, i found this old blog i was working on. nd no, dont worry. it wont offend like the previous list i made. well, i never got around to finishing it. but, along with an insane amount of other unfinished rantings, i figured maybe it should get some time to shine. so, here it is. it is just an intro. but i think its damn skippy. i think i might have another more recent version but im too lazy to look for it. but, you should get the gist with this...
Q: youre 22-fuckin'-years-old. what the fuck do you know about love? you never delivered pizzas with extra anchovies, so how are you a loverboy? you never tried on pantyhose and lipstick then got electrocuted, so what do you know about what women want? you dont have a 3-date guarantee to the first kiss, so who are you gonna get hitched? you never had cuba gooding jr. as your son that looked like a young version of your mentor or have your daughter yearning to be an asian flight attendant, so how do you know what dreams may come? you never had to deal with jim morrison fucking the love of your life, so what makes you think it will come down to you? you never fucked up your girlfriends pottery project with your enflamed loins, so why dont you just ghost? do you know chris gonda? did you know no one puts baby in the corner? no, i highly doubt it. you dont know the first thing about dirty dancing. did you hold out for your chance to be with the most popular girl in school? i dont think you could hardly wait. did you ever find the art geek in your school and think she could be all that? youre not a fan of the red sox. you never had the fever pitch. did you ever throw an inebriated heather graham in your trunk? you swear you have a license to drive. did you ever have a girl named areola use a scorpion to play with herself? you dont have looks that could kill. i dont know, maybe you have worn a bra on your head. but i know you never made a woman steven seagal would care to wife up. and you would never have a chance against mad max-esque type characters. thats that weird science. have you ever fought tim curry in order to save mia sara, your one true love, to become a legend? has your home planet ever blown up, and then when you come back from double checking you find out your ex-girlfriend is with a mutie? youre no superman. have you ever been dispersed atom by atom by the woman youve loved and mourned only to find out the man who, in turn, kills her gets his own spinoff movie? you have yet to make your last stand. has rob lowe ever seemed more impressive than you simply by ordering czechuan take-out? or did christopher walken ever grind with your girlfriend in a russian themed bar at a party you threw? you dont live in a wayne's world. has billy idol ever had your back in a fight against the girl you want's don johnson wannabe fiancee? you will never, ever be a wedding singer. have you ever played twister with the grim reaper so you could cheat death and save the princesses? or gone to the future to learn how to rock & roll and come back looking like zz top? now, that is a bogus journey. have you ever two-timed anne hathaway in hopes of running away with heath ledger yet settling for male prostitution in mexico? you have not climbed that mountain. have you ever had to take your mom to the "Enchantment Under the Sea" dance just so you could get back to the future? do you know chris gonda?!?! youre some kid that used to throw tape on your glasses. you had the most outlandish, crying for attention, im not the same as everyone else's outfits ive ever seen. who needs all those clothes and sneakers? i think youre bi, because you just seem greedy to me. why would you really have to change your haircut and color every fucking week? you always end up dancing by yourself at parties. youre known as "that xanga guy" for some thing you wrote on the internet. youre known for stealing people's girlfriends and the people you grew up with dont even care enough to say a single good thing about you. so, i suppose, ill have to reiterate and hope for a valid fuckin' answer: what the fuck do you know about love?
A: ive had my moments.
FOREWARNED...
you might not want to read this. its extremely personal. nd its not that its personal to me. its simply that it may dredge up things within your own life you may or may not care to relive. i can sea some people getting through it nd being glad that they remember something in their life that made them feel good. something that youre glad you went through and, despite the outcome, you do have things that you take with you and remember fondly. on the other hand, i can definitely sea people getting through this nd feeling that they wish they never had to touch base with some of the things theyve gone through and are glad er over nd done with. good or bad, im not sure where you might stand. so, im letting you know now this could definitely be something you could do without.
THAT'S AMORE...
theres more to life than sex. thats true. theres more to love than sex. definitely, definitely true. nd what i intend to strike upon today er the things you go through that maintain the relationships you begin. yes, there er people who can have relations based solely on the physical. im not nocking anyone. some of us dont know what its like to feel love in their life. there er definitely people out there deluding themselves into believing that they have gone through love and then, later on, discover maybe thats just not what it is. on some level, i believe, people want to feel something real. something real and something bigger than themselves. something intimate. not so much a dependency on another person but a fellowship, i suppose. where you can be with someone and know that you are not alone like a michael jackson song. you dont need them, you know. but you dont really want to imagine it without them. yes, you can feel this from friends or family or work. you could go through this with hook-ups or passing relations. nd you know what, those can be as real as the re-election of George W. for me, i have memories and experiences im going to take with me forever. they guide my choices and reactions and the way i live in general. how i deal with people or responsibilities or which way i choose to steer a conversation or a mayim bialik'ing relationship. continuing a relationship is so much more effort than starting or ending one. theres no set rules or regulations. everything doesnt work for everyone. im going to catalogue some very skintimate like the shaving gel experiences. instances that have shaped me. no raunchy sex stories. nothing you would label as smut. nd no names. infer all you wish. i know people will. some stuff may be known. most definitely, definitely are not. maybe people will be mad or shocked or in awe or jealous or just wonder why the fuck i care about that happening to me. i love revisiting where ive been and what ive been through. it gives me more than i can put into words. right now, well sea what i can get out using the limited vocab i have at my disposal...
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| now, there's something i meant to say to you. and don't worry, it's not me saying "good for you." again.
if you think you can be happy...take it.
i wish you the world, you know...
...well, for starters.
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Bobby: "Look! A chicken head!"
Audience: "BWAHA!! We love you, Bobby."
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