samuel has now lost two teeth.  both bottom front ones.  neither tooth has started to come in yet to replace the gaping holes, and though i thought the constant reminder of growing-up would bother me, i've come to think it's absolutely adorable. 

he lost the second one several weeks back, and somehow, we missed putting it under his pillow for the tooth fairy to come get.  the mishler's came to visit, and life just kept plunging forward, and none of us remembered to leave the little pearl for ransom.  last week i saw it on trevor's dresser and made sure that we put it under his pillow.  he was super excited to get his dollar (our tooth fairy has decided that with 4 kids and dozens of teeth that we needed to set the standard now at a reasonable price!) 
he went to bed and trevor and i stayed up late into the night.  before we headed back to our room, trevor ran to get the little box of money and take it into samuel's room.  he stopped in the doorway and asked "are you sure he'll be asleep?"  being as it was midnight and samuel takes medication to help him sleep, i knew the likelihood of him being awake was almost zero. i urged him to go in and i went back to our room to get ready for bed.  trevor came too and as he was brushing his teeth, we heard a child's voice. 
samuel:  "MOM!"  (excited whisper)
MOM!  the tooth fairy came!
(trevor and i look at each other nervously. )
me:  "really?  how do you know?"
sam:  " i heard her!  i heard her come into my room, and then i felt her raise up my pillow and take out my tooth, and then i heard her put my tooth in her pocket- and oh look, she left me more money!"
trevor:  "wow sam, um, what did she look like?  did you get a good look at her" (nervous laughter)
sam: "no, i kept my eyes closed so that she would think i was sleeping"
trevor: (totally relieved)  "wow samuel- that's a great story" 
 as he went back to bed i thought one of us would wet our pants we laughed so hard.  i can't believe that he didn't figure it out, or peek!  we almost blew that one!  

i've never been what one would call "well dressed".  i don't consider myself a style nightmare, just a woman who usually wears clothing that is comfortable to mother my kids in.  i actually really love fashion.  if i had the money, and the opportunity to wear them, i would have a closet full of beautiful heels.  i love high heels.  i love sassy, classy, sexy heels.  alas, playing outside with the kids, doing laundry, and making dinner just isn't conducive to heel wearing. that and the whole painful feet thing.

my clothing tends to be simple too.  i don't really like trendy prints, or lots of busyness... i love black, or solids.  i don't often add really great pieces to my wardrobe because for the last 4 years i've either been pregnant, nursing or both and the weight gains and losses makes it hard to justify good pieces that may only be worn a few times. 

but this weekend i was converted. 

trevor and i took all the kids out on friday to play and then to kohls to shop for last minute things we need for trevor's brother's wedding.  
when we lived in va. there was a kohls near us.  i detested it.  i thought i was too young to wear the women's section clothing, and too old to wear the juniors.  it was that weird place where i needed to dress my age but wasn't sure how to go about it... so i stayed with gap, old navy, target... non-dept store types. and blended in with all the other stay at home moms.  in that safe place where we look nice, but not quite dressed in clothing that fits our changing bodies well.  and really?  i knew it and hated it.
 
we just got a kohls here a few months ago and other than running in to check on something for another wedding, i hadn't spent any time in it.
on saturday night i kept being drawn to specific pieces... and realized... i am utterly in love with vera wang.  i love all of her stuff and i could kiss her for creating a line for the less than filthy rich- like me. her heels- oh the heels!  the handbags, the dresses. i loved it.  the fabrics, the cuts, the colors. 
i wandered through her section letting the silk fall through my fingers.. imagining myself without a baby strapped to my chest and a diaper bag on my arm.  i knew i could work this stuff.

we bought several things for the boys and a vera wang dress for me- i had to have it.  for the wedding.  but... it had spots on it.. spots i was afraid i couldn't get out. so sunday dawned and i decided it had to go back.  sunday evening i went to kohls with just ivy (our first shopping trip!  you can say it..... awwwww) i stayed away from the juniors section, and mustered every rule from "what not to wear" that i could recall- placing myself as the makeover-needy woman whom we all criticize from our couch- telling her as she emerges from the dressing room "no ! not that!  you look frumpy! don't you listen at all? the rules woman. the rules!
i pulled out piece after piece and had a nonreligious conversion transformation right there in that kohls.  i realized

i am a woman.
i'm not as young as i thought.
i look really good in structured pieces. 
i don't look really good in low slung jeans, trendy clothes or weird sleeves.
my body really is nice - even at 6 weeks post partum.
i want to look beautiful
there's nothing wrong with dressing well.
i can wear vera wang if i want to

told ya'll it was a conversion.
lots to digest.
i found some fabulous pieces.  pieces that look stylish.  beautiful.  dare i say it?  hot.  and the best part?  being kohls- they were on sale!
can't beat that!

i have an incredible outfit to wear to the rehearsal dinner and the wedding.  i didn't spend all that much.  i look my age, and yet young at the same time.  i feel like i can hang with all the young, hot bridesmaids and not feel like i need to hide myself under a shawl... or even under a baby.  i can't wait to wear my new clothes. 

vera wang?  you are my hero. 

yesterday i uttered words that mothers have been saying for decades.  generations.  eons.

i joined the ranks of those who have great concern for their children, doing all they can to ensure the safe delivery of small boy to manhood.  it truly was instinctual, and i found myself grinning when it was over as though i had been initiated into the special club for mothers of "children with their own agendas who are old enough to walk"  - which is a very long name for a club and MOCWTOAWAOETW is a difficult acronym to fit on a business card. 

samuel was chasing asher yesterday- which is a daily occurrence in our home and often is executed to the soundtrack of asher's high pitched screaming.  (he's a screamer that one) but yesterday was different- it was samuel who was yelling- arm extended, blue object in his hand- and he was saying "i'm gonna cut your hair! i'm gonna cut your hair"  to be fair- he was chasing asher with nail scissors for babies- blunt edged, and small- in order to cut asher's hair he'd have to sit on him, pull out a single hair and rub it over the blade many times until it broke- but, it was, you know- the principle of it all. and what did i do?  i turned away from my coffee and said
we don't run with scissors.