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| I guess this is poetic justice for all my Pre-Med buddies who disappeared from the face of the earth last year while they were studying for the MCAT. It's my turn to go reclusive, as I've spent every waking minute of my spare time working on the Fulbright application and researching for the elusive, protean gobbledygook that will hopefully, one day, form the coherent argument of my thesis. Seriously, I was telling my TIP supervisor, as I had an entropic explosion of seemingly random papers, spirals, and folders strewn out a table designed for about 6, that "I had a system." It was just all in my head. It involves post-it notes and a flash drive my mom bought for me for $14.99. And as I sink into my metaphorical shell, in the style of the aptly named hermit crab, I realize that I'm becoming one of THOSE students. But what's fun about it is since it's an English paper, I can say that I'm an artist creating poetic (or rhetorical!) genius. But I need a quirk, an idiosyncrasy of sorts-- one that'll distinguish me from the hoi poloi. I want something WEIRD. Not quite piss in a bottle while inhaling your own feces fucked up, nor do I ever wanna become a starry-eyed hippie. But something to make the hermeticism seem less pathetic and more intriguing. Cute, even. The only immediate things that come to mind are Red Stripe and pot, but alcohol and recreational drugs have been used by artists for decades. Nah... I'll think of something. And then I'll mention it in my dedication.
Oh yeah, during those times when I don't feel like researching, I try to spend about half an hour a day teaching myself Portuguese, with a combination of Pimsleur, "The Essential Portuguese Grammar," and lurid yellow stickers that say "a porta" o "a cortina." You know, initially my "plan" was to take the placement test this winter and then the class in the spring, but I'm slowly sinking into the indulgence of having a minimal senior year: 2 more Spanish classes to complete my major, Government 310 which I never got around to taking during the summer (and as embarrassing as it is, I'm likely taking it with my freshmen), thesis class, and maybe, MAYBE a Level 2 Dive class. The only problem there is that I haveta buy my own gear. But where i was going is, I've suddenly discovered a new found confidence (or naivete) that thinks I can teach myself Portuguese better than the University can, in the sense that it will be less stress to me. Maybe I'm just being silly. But dammit... learning the language hasn't been hard for me so far.
But this was all just a gratuitous "update" (updates in quotation marks because if you can't read behind the self-aggrandizing prose, I'm essentially saying my life has been pretty fucken boring thus far) that I thought I'd throw in since it's so rare I post anything anymore. No, the real reason I'm here in the LAH office, wallowing in the pathetique associated with online journals and Macs , rather than doing more research and reading as I had originally intended to, is because I am increasingly becoming annoyed with the complete lack of courtesy or basic human decency in this country.
A few examples spring to mind-- a few which have been in my mind for a while, but I didn't think to articulate until I realized I had a collection of them by now. Both of which, interestingly, concern the dirty off-white Jansport that has accompanied me since senior year of high school. As mentioned before, I'm doing a shitload of research, and it's not unusual for me to be schlepping 6 or 7 full sized library books at a time-- these books are in addition to the binders, spirals, and textbooks I use for class. On "light" days, I may even find room for my laptop. Anyway, yes, I know that my bag is stuffed. And if I forget, I remember it everytime I have to walk sideways to get through a door. So yes, I KNOW my bag is full. And yes, it happens. It becomes unzipped. But what shocks and awes me everytime I realize it, normally when I'm finally sitting down in class or the bus stop or wherever the final destination is, how come nobody had told me beforehand. Going from one classroom to another, I'll easily pass like... 50 people who undoubtedly notice the copy of "Dubliners" threatening to fall out of my bag. Would it have been such a huge problem to say, "Hey, your bag's becoming undone"? Whenever I see it, I'll tell people. Hell, if I'm standing behind them waiting for the light to change, I'll even zip it for them. no big deal. But there was one instance I was walking down to my bus stop when I hear a "plop" behind me. Unbeknownst to me, one of my shoes I had haphazardly stuffed into the main compartment had fallen out. As I bent to pick it up, the guy that was walking behind me passes me. I make eye contact as if to say, "Did you notice this?", and what does that fucker do? He SMILES. As if to say "Yeah, I saw it, but I didn't tell you. In fact, I was waiting to see if it would actually happen, because I thought it'd be funny." Bastard.
I still haven't forgotten that instance, but I was reminded of it just a few days ago, when it was raining like a mofo and I had to walk across campus in my aforementioned flip-flops to get to class. When the ground gets wet, it gets slippery. And that slipperiness isn't helped at all by the fact my shoes are made of foam and that my backpack was 10 pounds too heavy for me to balance. So yeah, a couple of times I had some near slips, and I was thinking to myself, it was only a matter of time before I fell flat on my ass. And sure enough, as I was crossing Speedway, I did. I fucken ate it. I landed on my ass, possibly bruising my right cheek, dropped my umbrella, and was all around pretty embarrassed by the entire thing. As luck would have it, I landed in front of a bus stop, where about 20 or so of my peers were waiting to be picked-up. They saw the whole thing. And when I look over at the two on the end, what do I see? The bastards are SMILING. Not a warm "Dude, that sucks," smile. They were smirking all smarmy smug, Rick Perry "I'm gonna win the gubernatorial election with less than 30% of the vote" smiles. Bastards. And they did it without saying a damn thing.
Seriously. It doesn't take any effort to say "Are you alright?" You don't even have to care-- it can be like one've those courtesy "How are yous" you say to acquaintences you haven't seen in a while, and really don't care to know, but you feel like you should say something to acknowledge recognition. Just one of those things. Nice? No... that's too positive. Like...I can't even find a word mild enough to describe how it's not even something you need to think about. Because I know I'm not always a nice person... at least in the courteous, sensitive sense. Altruistic and idealistic yes, but not always nice. But if I were to see somebody fall and land on hard concrete when it's cold, rainy, and slippery outside, I'll ask them if they're okay. If somebody is walking behind me into a restaurant, I'll push the door extra hard so they don't have to. If they're older than me, I'll hold the door and let them pass me. If I'm standing at a crosswalk and see that a car has been yielding for an incredibly long time, I'll stop and let them go, knowing full well that as a pedestrian I have the right of way. At the grocery store, while the cashier is scanning my stuff, I'll put the little barrier thing behind it so the person behind me can start loading up their stuff. I start every transaction with a "Good morning/afternoon/evening" and end it with a "Thanks, have a good day/night." When an employee asks me how I'm doing (because it's their job), I smile and respond with an overly excessive adjective "I'm great/fabulous/fantastic/absolutely corking" even if I'm not-- just cuz I know that all day they haveta catch shit from people who probably feel just as bad as I do. If I see a blind guy touching around for something, I'll ask them if they need help finding something. Hell, when I make eye contact with somebody, intentional or not, I'll smile.
Sure, this stuff isn't necessary. It's not even obligatory. But... it's so completely fucken EFFORTLESS. It's not even like tipping at a restaurant (which, btw, I do even when the server doesn't deserve it). It's free. It doesn't take any personal sacrifice from you, just a simple gesture to demonstrate to another person, "You're another human being, and I notice it. While I may not realistically be able to help you, I would like to show that at least I'm aware of your situation, and I empathize because my life sucks too." Honest to God, I know I'm not the nicest person in the world. I don't think of myself as a shining star in my community. I'm not always that sincere. I'm not always polite. I'm pretty fucken selfish a fair part of the time. I can be VERY disrespectful when I want to be. So it just doesn't seem to say much for humanity that I still think I'm one of the more decent ones.
Oh yeah, btw, when I finally made my way to where I was going after that slip, albeit with a wet ass and dirty hands, when I finally put my stuff down, I realized, my bag was undone. Thanks a lot. Fuckers.
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| Well, I really can't give you any more updates from Miami seeing as how I'm back here in Austin. That was my bad. In my defense, there were obstacles such as broken cameras, visits to the ER, counterfeit checks, and faulty speedometers that made it difficult for me to find time to report on my status. So in brief, these are the more colorful parts of my summer up til the present:
- Work: Intense as fuck. They worked my ass. And although I'm glad I went through the experience, I can't honestly say I felt like I clicked with the store I was at. It was just a little cutthroat and sales-driven for me. Essentially corporate. And while there probably are stores in the company that I could work for, I wasn't happy with the place I was at. I loved the kitchen staff and the servers and bartenders were all cool... it's mostly the people in charge in which I had a problem. I don't want to put too many details because I could talk for a long time, but maybe I'll post about it later. Yeah yeah, I know times are changing and employers read facebook and webpages now, and jobs are lost over these things, but I'm not ashamed of my values (basic courtesy and respect, not treating people as a commodity, positive and encouraging outlook, etc etc), so I'll happily defend my decision and beliefs if it came to it.
- Birthday: After various tentative and undeveloped plans to host visitors from home, I went out on a limb and celebrated with some newfound friends in Florida. The weekend of my birthday, I stayed in a beachfront hotel in CocoBeach which is a cute little city. Mostly private beaches, but it was a nice change from all the kids in South Beach and even Fort Lauderdale. The night of my 21 was spent in downtown Orlando's Wall Street, which is essentially this little strip of clubs and bars. You pay (I mean you in a general second person sense, as I didn't buy anything that night) a cover to get into the plaza, and then you're free to visit the various places. It's not like open-bar or anything, you've still gotta pay for stuff once you get IN the place, but it does limit the crowd. It was pretty cool too, there were some chic places, some kinda stupid ones, some awesome dance music, some ghetto ass stuff, all around a good time.
- Dude: So yeah... I met one. This one to be exact:
He’s this cute, slightly older Rican that I met at work. I don’t want to go into the torrid details because the truth is, I gush about him enough as it is. But to prevent this post from spiraling into a Nick Lachey single, I’ll just say that I’m embarking on a relationship for the first time in a long while. It’s long distance which isn’t the best of scenarios as I miss him horribly, but in some ways I think that’s good for me, because it lets me focus on my priorities in finishing up this last year of school. It’s sort’ve a relief because it’s not something I have to worry about interfering with my daily life and work and friends so I can still have fun and go out but not worry about getting hit on by strange men. I don’t want to say I’ve gotten flack, but the feedback I’ve gotten is a bit surprised that he didn’t go to college and works in a kitchen and whatnot. Without delving too much into the series of unfortunate events that has been my love life til this point, let’s just say that I wasn’t having much luck with college boys and decided to look elsewhere. Not that I was looking for a relationship, mind you—I’m not Sarah Jessica Parker. It just sorta happened by accident, and I decided to go with it.
- Tattoo: Yeah, I’ve sorta kept it on a need to know basis til this point because it hasn’t completely healed yet, and I don’t wanna show-off a flakey, scabby, discolored mess. But my sister came down to Miami to help me move-out, and one of the things she really, REALLY wanted to do was go to Miami Ink (as made popular by the TLC program of the same name) and get tattooed by one of their B-list celebrity artists. We even talked about getting matching or parallel designs so it’d be sort’ve a sisterly bonding act. Unfortunately, things rarely work out like they do on TV, and it was going to be exceedingly difficult, inconvenient, and overpriced to get anything done. Not to mention that we wouldn’t even be paying for the novelty of getting inked by one of the artists on TV--- from what I understand the only work they do is the stuff for the show now. During regular hours, it’s other artists that work there, and while good, aren’t worth how much they ask. Still, my sister was set on getting a tattoo that night in Miami, so at about 11PM we just walked-into a brightly lit parlor named Lucky Tattoo next to our parking lot. As luck would have it (haha) they accepted walk-ins, would give us a discount for both getting two, and only asked for a quarter of what Miami Ink wanted anyway. My sister, appropriately enough, got a four leaf clover, cuz you know, you always need luck. As for me, I got this:
Aside from the fact that the artist just did an awesome job with the design and detail, it has several meanings from me. On one level, since I’ve gotten into yoga and holistic medicine and getting in tune with my body and such, the concept of balance has become something I strive for in life. Moderation is important to me, but rather than complete neutrality, I prefer conflict. Not like… argument necessarily, but just the assurance that nothing is completely one-sided. As far as the elements go, I’ve never been able to decide between fire and water. On one hand, my personality is pretty fiery—appropriate as I am your stereotypically hot-headed, passionate, excitable Leo. But then there is the other side of my personality that can only be described as water. Water embodies how I view life—it can be as tumultuous as a hurricane, deadly as a wave, but also rejuvenating as an April shower. No matter how you see it, water is life. I’m also a firm believer that things happen in cycles, just a continuous string of back-and-forth, much like the tide. Sorry to get all dirty hippie on you all.
But aside from the “far-out” stuff, the symbol still has a lot of personal significance to me. First off, although it’s not directly related to my sister’s symbol, I think it does represent our relationship. In a lot of ways we’re polar opposites that clash on everything. EVERYTHING. But the point is, we still need eachother, to keep eachother in check, and no matter what, we’ll always be connected. Next, I got my first tattoo when I was 18, which was sort’ve a turning point in my life. The butterfly essentially represents my decision to “fly” and take it to the next stage. It’s only appropriate that I get this next one shortly after turning 21, another stage of significant transition, both social and personal. I really wanted to do it in Miami because I think a lot of the changes occurred because I was there. The fire and water sorta epitomize the dichotomy that’s Miami. Sun and ocean. There’s the bustle of a huge urban city, but then there’s also the completely laid-back beach mentality. I think the artist captured it perfectly. I gave him a huge tip.
That brings me back to here, which will be my last point. I’ve got my new apartment, which is really exciting for me. I’ve got a kitchen! I’ve got my own bathroom! I’ve got freedom to decorate and buy furniture and utensils and groceries. And I think it’ll work out nicely. I’m close to school, close to friends, far from West Campus. For lack of better description, I just feel really grown-up. I’m buying plants, writing checks, negotiating with cable companies… I’ve even got a parking sticker. Then again… I’m also sitting on the floor cuz I don’t have a chair, and I’m writing in Word because my stolen wireless sorta shorted out on me. Oh well, it’ll keep me young. And since I've gotta be up early to make it to UT's super garage sale, I'm gonna head off. If my mission is successful, and when Olympus repairs my camera, I'll take pictures of my new room and then post them several weeks afterward. | | |
| I'm such a bad xanga-whore. Could you imagine what a shitty myspacer I'd be? I wouldn't be on anybody's top 8. And livejournal? Ferget it. But to me, that's a good thing-- it's an indicator that I'm out doing stuff rather than surfing xangas all the time.
But I just learned of my rare opportunity to have two consecutive days off, and that gives me a couple moments to share just a little bit of what's been goin' in my life for the last month or so. And because I'm lazy and don't want to bore you to tears with extended blocks of writing, I'm going to break one of the many rules I set up for webpage maintenance so many years ago and do a primarily picture-based entry. It's lame as hell, but who knows, some of you might like it.
I'll skip through the end of year stuff, because most of that's available on facebook, and everybody there knows eachother. Pretty much, I flew out to LA for an interview with Hillstone restaurant execs. I came home for a week only to drive back down to Austin and go to Leadershape in Eagle Canyon. Made friends. Share stories and laughter. Ate. Watched X3 in Austin. Yes, it was a significant event. Came back to Arlington for another week. Now I'm in Coral Gables/Miami depending on what day of the week it is, and I'm working with Houston's restaurant as an intern in management training. They hook me up with lots of stuff... mainly food.
Here's the new stuff that nobody really knows about since... well, I'm here in Miami by myself.You can imagine what a lonely and depressing week it was during games 3-6, or maybe I don't need to remind anybody. What's even worse is I've run into about three members of the Heat in the last 2 weeks. Antoine Walker, eats in a corner during slow hours after Game 2, after the championship, walks in at like 10 PM on a Friday night... gets a fucking ovation from the place. I didn't even look up. Gary Payton was apparently at the bar yesterday, but all he did was talk on the phone. And Jason Williams (white guy) came in last night, I was working the service bar and had a clean view of him the whole time. He's not that tall, first off. But his server kept coming over to ask for tastes of wine, and I'm like "What a prima donna." Then I walk over there to drop off food and I realize it's his gf/wife/date/hooker that's tasting all this wine, he's just got a water. He's also wearing a t-shirt and gym shorts. OMG, they can be normal. Lol.. I catch a lot of shit... one of the bartenders calls me "Dallas." I kinda like it. Better'n "Sophie." That's the name of Oprah Winfrey's dog.
Anyway, here's a glimpse of my life in Florida:
The first couple days, I was settling in I stayed in this hotel: 
Best word to describe it would be "quaint." It's a real small place, only three floors and not many bedrooms. The front desk guy hand fills in the information, the elevator is one of those crank ones that you see in "Royal Tenenbaums," decor and bedding and stuff is old school. I thought it was really cute.
I dont' have any complaints about my living situation. I'm subleasing a room from a Miami student, so I live about 2 seconds away from the university. It's an apartment with three bedrooms, but this group so cleverly converted a porch into a fourth bedroom, and that's where I'm at right now. It's very roomy, lots of storage space, slightly ghetto in a charming way. My only complaint is that since it's a porch, it can get really warm in the morning when the sun rises. Though lately it's been raining all fucking day (hurricane/tropical depressions season), so it's not so bad.
Here's my bed (never again will it look that well made):
My "closet" of mainly suits and button up shirts:
My "roommate" Jessica Alba/Nancy
And finally, images of the car I bought while I was here. I was hoping that I'd be able to manage with public transit or even walking, but that just doesn't fly. Plus, since Coral Gables is such a small part of Miami, it's really nice to have a means to explore. I originally was going to rent, but we found that buying would be a little cheaper. The car itself cost $750, but I'm going to say right now I've probably spent $1200 and counting on it. There was the ridiculous process of title/registration, insurance (they won't accept Texas insurance), a little muffler snaffoo I had to get fixed last week, and of course gas. All in all, not too bad, I would've paid more with rental, so I'm happy. I'm a little disappointed that although I love the car, I don't think it'd make the trip back to Texas. It runs beautifully, but it's got all these strange little stupid problems which make me question whether it would pass inspection (they don't do inspection in Florida... you can pretty much drive anything. Apparently they'll also let anybody with two legs drive-- the drivers here are awful. And that's coming from me). Anyway, I already broke the news to Drewbie, who was very proud. But here's my car:
Yup. It's a black 1990 Volvo. Any ideas for a name? Seems like a guy. And it's black, so it has to be a real manly name.
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| I know I normally don't do much "personal updating" on this site-- I haven't done the online journal thing since my old Pure Imaginary days. But the last few weeks have flown by so fast that I haven't really had the time to process all the stuff that's happened to me, and since I find myself answering the same questions to several people, I thought it might be easier to do it all here. I actually started this post weeks ago, but I never got around to completing it. But now I'm home, rested, slightly sick, but finally in a position where I can spell out some of my thoughts.
Looking back at what I did this year:
- RHC: Sometimes when I heard freshmen giggling outside whenever I was trying to do homework, or when I got a dirty look for walking to the bathroom/water fountain without any pants I'd think that I'm too old for living here an extra year. But when I look back on it, I think that my last year in the Quad was beneficial for both sides. Being involved with RHC and having all those opportunities to see the "other side" of UT and dealing with money and making deals over the phone and group politics is kind've empowering. Best way I can put it is that it makes me feel more "grown up". Plus, I coordinated a couple award-winning programs in the dorms.
- Work: Finished my first year as the youngest lead mentor in the program. It was a great year, but also a rough one as the program was in a growing phase, with lots of transitions and structural changes that made it difficult for me to really orient myself. But I made it, and I think next year is going to be the best.
- Spanish: Took my first non-language, upper-division Spanish classes at UT. I was worried at first, unsure of whether this second major was gonna work out. Now, I'm so glad I did it. First off, I guess my Spanish isn't nearly as bad as I thought since my essays seem to be alright. Also, I've had the privilege and the pleasure to be taught by some of the most intelligent, funniest, and thought-provoking professors I've had in my career. The Spanish department is just so damn big that it's easy to forget that most of the faculty are the best in their field and we've got the best program in the country. Not to mention the majority of students in the major are kind've... well... lazy and stupid are the first adjectives that come to my mind. At least, in the "lower" upper-division classes. Maybe it gets better, but I got the impression that the profs had to dumb down their material and standards a fair bit for the classes. Still, in office hours or in responses to the essays, I realized how smart these guys really were, and I'm excited bout more advanced stuff next year.
- E 379M: After toiling and stressing for an entire semester with no indication of my actual progress in the class, I was freaking out that my entire grade would be determined by a 20 page paper to be turned in after class. 2 days before the due date when I'm at about 12 pages of crap, we get the e-mail with the subject line "Merry Christmas" and the body: "I've decided to give you all A's and the paper deadline has been extended to next Monday. Make sure it's good." So although I can't say that I earned my grade in that class, I am relieved to know that I am capable of writing a 20 page paper-- it gives me more hope for my thesis next year (see below)
What's coming up:
- Leadershape: It's for job at TIP, and honestly, I don't think I need to go to it, but they want all the leads to go through this intense week-long leadership development camp thing. At first I was pissed about having to come back down to Austin so soon after I finished, but now that I've had a chance to work with some of my group next year, I think it's going to be fun. It'll be sort've like a camp, with cabins and natural pools and hiking trails and everything. I really love that stuff.
- Summer internship: If I haven't told you yet, I'll be working in Coral Gables, Florida getting trained in restaurant management with the Hillstone Restaurant Group. I know, I know... English/Spanish --> restaurant management? But it's great pay, a chance to travel and live outt've state, and the opportunity to try something completely different. Plus, this restaurant group is pretty hardcore about their food, and give their employees the VIP treatment. After the program, they're sending all the interns to Napa Valley to learn about wine tasting. They've also offered me a signing bonus (I think I'll buy a laptop with it). I'm pretty stoked about it, and have spent the last couple weeks just making preparations and stuff. I've found a sublease near U Miami for the summer, and possibly a car to rent for those three months. Looking forward to learning some Cubano Spanish, and buying a car for myself when I get back to Texas.
- Classes next year: First off, I'm happy to report that I'll be graduating on time with my 2 majors, 2 minors, Departmental Honors in English, and LAH. It's my last year, and I'm going to do it UP. With flat-rate tuition, I'm going to start taking classes for the helluvit, just because I've always wanted to learn it. Starting with scuba diving. I'm also starting Portuguese. Why? I was also considering learning Arabic or Turkish-- something to get hired with Defense or NIA. But then I realized, if they're going to send me overseas... I don't want to go to the Middle East. At least Brazil has rainforests.
- Senior thesis: I'm going to be doing a critical survey of comic book narrative. It'd been my fantasy to do something with that, but I honestly didn't think I'd be able to find any professors who could supervise that topic, so I set it aside. But in one serendipitous week, I found a supervisor and a second reader. The last few semesters I've been working really hard to find my "passion," but it was really sort've there in front of me the whole time-- I just didn't think it was worthwhile or "serious" enough. That put me in a conundrum, because every time I go home for the summer or have a quiet Saturday night, I tell myself I'm going to start my "classics list" of Western canon, I always end up reading comic books and graphic novels anyway. It's the only genre that I could honestly see myself researching for two straight semesters. This just goes to show that you should always just follow your interests.
- Apartment: Okay, it seems lame, but I found an apartment and roommates off craiglist. At first I was pissed because my original plans to live with a few guys fell through, but now I think it's going to be much better. For less than $500 a month, I've got my own b/b on the bottom floor of a furnished two-story apartment within walking distance to campus. Technically, I'm renting a place in Florida over the summer, but this is the first time I feel like I'll actually be having a place "of my own." I'm kind've looking forward to it.
- Work: As always, my loyalties lie with my freshmen in TIP. Next year, I'll actually be the only returning member to a group of fresh lead mentors. There is a little bit of pressure, but I'm more inclined to back-off with all my experience. As a rookie this year, I've worked my ass off to try to prove myself a capable leader, but now that I have, I kinda wanna kick back and let the newbies go through that and take some more time for myself. The way I see it, I've done so much for them the last couple of years, the best contribution I can give this year is to put all my stuff in order so when I leave, it'll be an easy transition for the poor bastard who takes my place.
- Social: I'll be 21. 'nuff said. Like, I almost feel like a loser cuz I've lived in Austin 3 years but never went downtown or to a club, but it's a waste of time and money if you're not 21. However, since I'm young for my class, most of my friends have already been able to start partying or even just ordering a margarita at Chili's, and it's hard not to get jealous. Plus, I had the opportunity to hang out with some of my co-workers at the end of this semester, and I find myself wondering why we never did it during the year. Prolly cuz it would've been "unprofessional." But they're fun, chill people, and we're gonna wreck shop next year. Oh yeah. I WILL find people to go dancing with.
- Volunteering: With fewer obligations with RHC and work, I'd really like to shift my focus towards community service. I'm with the Red Cross now, and I'd like to get more training so I can start doing more life-saving, relief stuff. Don't get me wrong, fund-raising and shelter work is fun, but I've seen how some of these volunteers work. Nice people, but kind've slow. I'm young, fast-learning and in relatively good shape... my skills could probably be better spent with more physical stuff.
Long-term coming up:
Er...
- Grad school: I have no intentions of applying to grad school next year, especially because I don't know what I'd apply for, but also because I"m tired of school. I have talked to a few profs and advisors about it though, and they agree that it's a better idea to take a couple years off anyway. First off-- it'll take that long for me to get all the application materials together, and as mentioned before, I've got a pretty full plate next year. Also, one've the profs I respect the most told me that from his experience, the students that took a couple years to work/travel/volunteer/write whatever before going back to school end up a lot more grounded and pragmatic than the people that just go straight through. Not to mention, they tend to finish much faster and more successfully. I am going to go ahead and take the test next year because the score will last for 5 years, but it's kind've far from my mind. The only exception would be if I got a Fulbright or something, and they wanted me to go to school abroad.
- Work: Haven't thought that far ahead, either. Unless I fuck up this summer (which I have no intention of doing), I'll probably be offered a full-time position with Hillstone after I graduate. Right now, it's probably my back-up, and I'll start looking for other stuff next spring. I figure after the internship, I'll be a lot more qualified for a lot more fields.
- Volunteer: That's another idea I've been playing with for a while. It's also another option as far as grad school goes-- Peace Corps has a program called Masters International in which I can get my master's while serving overseas. It's really important to me that I spend a couple of years working in another country, cuz I think too much time in America makes people fat and stupid.
- Travelling: That's probably the joy of my life. There's so much I want to see and do, and I want to get as much of it done asap since might never have time for it again. Last summer showed me, if you really want to experience TRAVEL, not like, spending your entire week by the pool in your hotel or American clubs at night, you need to devote a fair bit of time to really seek out all these places, since tour guides can't do it for you. I figure when I marry and settle down, it'll be much more difficult to find time for it, expecially cuz always seen myself as marrying before 30. I don't want to have to put off travelling until I retire or anything. That's part of the reason I'm so bent on studying abroad or working overseas... I'm consolidating. I'd love to find an exchange program in Australia or teach classes in South America.
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| Normally whenever I bother to update this site, it's for didactic or ranting purposes-- something that I saw or heard really pissed me off and I wanted to bitch about it. This time was initially going to be no exception, but then a couple of pleasant surprises led me to change my mind. It's a pretty motley collection of stuff that've kept me up the last few nightst:
- I still try to read the paper every day, even though I can't ever get through itwithout being disgusted. Especially when I make it to the "World" page, just the little Associated press shorts get my blood boiling. I still read them because I think it's important to know what goes on in the world, but I'm not going to deny that it's pretty masochistic on my part. I think I'm just too god damn empathetic.
- There's this contestant on American Idol that reaaaaaally grates my nerves. She's a Southern country girl, prolly one of the more attractive ones on the show, but completely moronic. Not so much in the redneck trailer trash way, but just think of the blondest cheerleader in your class, like the absolute BIGGEST dipshit ditz in high school. Now give her an annoying accent. Lol, now I'm sure those of ya'll who've heard me talk are chuckling at the irony (or hypocrisy) behind what I just said, that's actually part of my point. Like, the highlights of the show is her asking stupid Jessica Simpsonesque questions like "What's calamari?" or mispronouncing words like "salmon." Of course, Simon thinks that gives her personality, Seacrest thinks its cute, and the whole time, I just cringe and scream at the TV "YOU'RE SO STUPID!!!!"
Of course her fans defend her saying I shouldn't judge because of her upbringing and background etc. etc., and I just find myself getting really defensive about it, probably cuz as pointed out by various friends and family members, I've sort've got a chip on my shoulder. I wasn't brought up in the optimal American household, and had to deal with shit that aren't problems for most've my friends. And despite all that, I think I've done pretty well with myself. I used to be so resentful and spiteful about it, until I realized quite recently that if it weren't for those circumstances I wouldnt've pushed myself nearly so hard to get where I am now.
But whenever I read a post that says "You can't blame her, most Southern restaurants don't serve cordon bleu" I just wanna say "I've never had it either, but I still know how to pronounce it." And I guess that's what irks me the most. Even just from viewing other students, it bewilders me how seemingly rare it is to see sincere efforts to learn-- not necessarily from a university. Just random stuff to learn more about the world: read the paper, look up new words, search wikipedia, learn new skills, try new foods, etc. I mean, no duh, it's impossible to know everything, but would it really hurt to try?
- My entire college career, I've tried my best to avoid lab hours or discussion, but this semester it was inevitable. And I must say, I am completely unimpressed with them. I swear I know more than my TA-- since she's never able to answer any of our questions or review the material, we waste the period doing stupid activities. And today, she decides to have an hour-long discussion on religion and government, with very little emphasis on Spanish Civilization. I sat quietly most of it, just because I knew it'd be a stupid idea to get involved. It was exactly what you would've expected, and of course, deep down, I just want to scream "You're so wrong" but I know that's just opening a can of worms since my opinion is always unpopular and I'm so sick of trying to defend myself to people who refuse to see them from another perspective, or even understand that half the time, I'm not even defending my own ideas. Just one different from the popular majority. At this point, at this age, it just seems like a complete waste of time. And the idea that I'm becoming apathetic really does frighten me.
- Finally, this was a while back, but we had a diversity training workshop for the mentors in my job. Again, I decided to keep my mouth shut since I've made all these arguments before. One thing that did stick with me a few days afterward though, was the realization that I may not be as open-minded as I like to think I am. I actually used to defend people who just seemed completely backward or ignorant to me, because I felt like that if you just write off a person, then they'll never get a chance to learn. But that attitude is slowly wearing off.
In fact, I think I concluded that there are some ideas or philosophies that I just refuse to tolerate. Period. Even typing such absolute language makes me very uncomfortable, but I'm reaching the point where if all I ever do is to qualify my values with a counterargument or extreme "what if" situation, I don't think I'll have any convictions. And strangely, I'm alright with that. I've got enough faith in my common sense to trust that I'll use my discretion when it's appropriate, so I really don't see the need to worry until the situation arises. I just feel like my time could be better spent doing stuff than just talking and hypothesizing all the time.
Anyway, so what's been bearing on my mind is your general existential ideas of knowledge, learning, values, open-minded, etc. Blah blah blah. I mean stuff that is really just a pain in the ass to worry about. But I guess the things that sort've helped me work through them were a) unexpectedly enjoyable visits with professors who reminded me I am still in fact a kid (albeit a very intellectual, mature, and intelligent one) and can still get something outt've just sitting-back and learning from my elders b) 2 hours of cornball cheesy feel-good humor that just let me take a break from all the goddamned thinking that I do and remind me that I should probably lighten up. | | |
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