| MK told me I'm an excellent voice of reason when it comes to boys. We talk about boys a lot, but never any of my boys - probably because I don't really have any. But it's a typical conversation piece and I love being the levelheaded giver of advice and sage wisdom.
I guess I never disclose details of my own love life (not only because I don't have one), but because I'm somewhat embarrassed. For being someone who's supposedly "reasonable" or "rational" when it comes to dishing out advice about relationships, I've had a pretty shitty run since Brady and I split up.
I wouldn't say I've had a boyfriend since him, which essentially was the point of our break up anyway. But subsequently, I've had a pretty upsetting chain of males break my heart, hurt my feelings or at the very least, waste my time. I guess the fact that I have yet to break this cycle is the only thing that concerns me. I only think of it every now and then. For the most part, I'm not really worried about it.
I guess I'm conflicted about the same old thing. Be hardened and smart. Or be dumb and passionate. I never know the right answer. I just know both my mental and emotional state are exhausted and I have yet to resolve all of my issues. I don't know when I'll ever get around to it; it takes too much thinking which I can't afford to do right now.
I guess I'll settle. Like I always do.
I'm not happy. But I'm not unhappy. I've dealt with mediocrity my entire life. |
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| I haven't loved talking to someone this much since... the last one.
I doubt anything will happen, and I don't want anything to happen because I don't want to ruin it.
It's too special. |
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| While on the road, I don't use this blog because xanga is totally embarrassing.
But I am shitfaced hammered right now, and I want to admit something that's been going on inside my head.
I miss a special someone very much, and this person has no idea how much their love and support means to me. Even if they don't exhibit it.
Reminder: i'm drunk as fuck.
So don't judge me. |
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| Soaking up the suburbs for as long as i can.
I will miss most people.
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| Even when I intentionally try to erase you from my life, you always find a way to sneak back in. Even if you don't mean to.
It's probably a bad thing, but I don't care. I'll be gone next week and everything will just be a very fond memory that I look back and smile upon. Sure, it makes me sad, but such is life and the ephemeral nature of these moments lend value and preciousness to the things that don't stay. So what if you're already a part of my past?
Thanks for giving that much to me. I'll treasure it forever.
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