I've been living with a shadow overhead I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed I've been lonely for so long Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away Just in case I ever need em again someday I've been setting aside time To clear a little space in the corners of my mind All I want to do is find a way back into love I can't make it through without a way back into love Oh oh oh I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine I've been searching but I just don't see the signs I know that it's out there There's got to be something for my soul somewhere I've been looking for someone to shed some light Not just somebody just to get me throught the night I could use some direction And I'm open to your suggestions All I want to do is find a way back into love I can't make it through without a way back into love And if I open my heart again I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end There are moments when I don't know if it's real Or if anybody feels the way I feel I need inspiration Not just another negotiation All I want to do is find a way back into love I can't make it through without a way back into love And if I open my heart to you I'm hoping you'll show me what to do And if you help me to start again You know that I'll be there for you in the end
whoa i cant believe i havent written in my xanga in so long. i feel that alot has changed. oh man im still in shock from what i was a couple months ago to now. im so proud of how much ive grown since. im stronger than ever. i love having this journal its a place i can vent on when paula or shelley is asleep. well to keep some people posted who actually read this let me say whats up with my life so far... let us rewind
july- this was the last time i saw him. it was good we said our goodbyes and that was it. he had moved on with his life 5 months had passed and it was something hard for me to accept. but i had to move on. my best friend was no longer my friend and it just had to be this way. alain tried palying match maker and tried setting me up with his weird john a capricorn, go figure they are always attracted to me. anyways he turned out to be a pyscho and ghetto. also during this month i also started working for nelly and andy along with diane and shelley. lunch time was fun going to get chinese food taking long breaks. i also enjoyed the company of those fobby chicks who smelled like ass. thank god for air freshner lol. we actually only stayed there for a couple of weeks and mostly spent our money at happy hr and shopping. i will never forget the time i cussed that bitch to her face i would do it again if i could. i dont take shit from no one. i hate her. shes evil they both are. shelley and i went to hunington beach for the fourth of july. we met some people in a band who were old hippies. it was fun ill never forget it shelley. another memorable summer night is when i went to white lotus for kristinas bday. she slapped me LOl i also cried in front of anne sorry sometimes i get emotional. hahaha.
august- this was the last month of my nursing class. i had been working at the rehab center and i was annoyed by some nurses and how they treat their patients. i cant believe what this world is coming to. i cant wait to be a nursing supervisor and make sure my staff are the best team of nurses out there. i had grown attach to my classmates. even though they were old and fillipino they were very much fascinated by me. they liked how i didnt know how to talk tagalog and how i looked so different from them. they treated me as their daughter giving me home made food and asking me about my weekend. i loved it aww i miss them. this month diane and i had went to jimmys 23 bday party in the valley. a fight had started when some bitch tried to pull izas hair. we made friends with the british kids. they are no nice. especially rob the hottie. i hope he comes back so i can kiss him when im drunk haha jk. it was also my first time at a USC greek row welcome back party. i never had seen so many wasted people run the streets. all i remember is dancing on top of a pool table and waking up with black feet.
september- school started again what a drag classes are fucken hard as hell. liz from highschool ended up being in one of my classes. i continued to have my usual friday and sat nights with the crew diane sheila and alain at the chalet. one night to remember is when we all went to the chalet and i had too many long islands. diane and alain took care of me even though my barf was all over their hands.work was boring but me and diane made the best out of it by going in the back warehouse and chit chatting. it was also the month of pampees bday at Ivar. for the first time i was ready and i met a guy who i liked Wes. he was very nice and good looking but the thing was i felt like i was doing all the talking and i also like guys who can dance. playing the dating game is hard. i gave up, being single was ok with me for the most part.
october- school was getting harder and i was turing into a nerd. shelley and i went shopping one day at the galleria and we ran into the "e. doyle" it was very awkward. i couldnt stop laughing because i felt like i was in the middle of tension building up between "e. doyle" and shelley. whats really weird is that they work right next to eachother. hahahahahah. but i really do feel like we will never be aquainted with him nor the other irish guy ever again. we moved on they moved on. this month melissa diane and i went to some bar in chinatown where we had fun. lets just say i was able to finally kiss a guy who i liked this month and diane got a bf damn girllll.for halloween i partied 3 days straight. i was a cavewoman i loved my costume shelley made. i think i looked better on the 3rd night though and i had lots of fun with trish and anna.
its now november
i have my nursing test on nov 6 i hope i pass wish me luck peoples after this hopefully im on to a hospital where i can earn big bucks move out and get a benz hehe ok a used one hahaa.
i hate the holidays its so depressing especially if u are alone.i hope i can find someone who likes me as much as i like them. i miss that feeling. i want to be able to find someone who i can surprise kiss cuddle wrestle talk on the phone with and watch movies with. but i know the holidays wont be so bad since i got paula and shelley by my side. my homegirls from when i used to wear short catholic skool girl skirts and obsess about st francis boys. they give me my strength. i know they would never turn my back on me.i love how i could call u girls late at night and vent about my annoyances and save me from going crazy.well hopefully the rest of this year will be fine. i believe that good things will come i jsut have to be patient and live each day to its fullest.
i havent written in this journal in a long time i think this maybe the last time i will write on this too perhaps if i feel the need to say my thougths somewhere i just might write on this again in the future. today was a horrible day diane came over cheered me up and we watched mean girls. my life has dramatically changed this year and i have had so many ups and downs, i cant keep trying to make soemone love me or care for me it should just come willingly. that is the realization that i have i chosen to ignore everyday. as they say time heals all wounds and so it is my time to heal. i pray to God each day now that he gives me the strength to be a stronger person i just hope that one day i will feel happy again and the warmth of soemones love over me.
this weekend seemed very short. now im on summer vacation. i got an A on my humanities class im just waiting for sociology. friday was extremely hot outside. i worked at ae, worked for the old lady, then went to acapulco with shelley. this is my last week at ae. im happy im leaving that place after 1 yr of employment there. i will NEVER work at a clothing store again. haha im so tired of folding shit over and over, cheap customers who ask the same question over and over agian, and my boss TRISH. shes so damn annoying. yesterday i watched the movie nacho libre. its so funny. today i had wok at cc. it was fun cause chris diane trish alain and jesus were working. i love just joking around at work and hiding from certain managers and people. afterwards i had a fathers day celebration with my family and shelley and we were going to go to outback but the line was forever and so we went to macaronni grill. its so random because we saw lalo. aww hes so funny i cant believe he graduated already. its so weird how time passes by so fast right before your very eyes. i miss the past i cherish it so much. tomorrow is yet another long day.
What if there was no light Nothing wrong, nothing right. What if there was no time? And no reason or rhyme.
What if You decide That you don't want me there by your side. That you don't want me there in your life.
What if I got it wrong, and no poem or song Could you put right what I got wrong Or make you feel I belong
What if You decide That you don't want me there by your side. That you don't want me there in your life. .
Oooh, that's right Let's take a breath try to hold it inside Oooh, that's right How can you know it if you don't even try Oooh, that's right
Every step that you take Could be your biggest mistake It could bend or it could break But that's the risk that you take
What if You decide That you don't want me there by your side. That you don't want me there in your life. .
Oooh, that's right Let's take a breath try to hold it inside Oooh, that's right
