|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| 2009 was a big year for me. I won't lie - it was very hard at times. But in times of trial we grow, and it's through suffering that we realize how blessed we truly are.
The beginning of 2009 saw me studiously and singlemindedly submitting business school applications, interviewing at schools, and recovering from physical hardships. Bit off more than I could chew, applied to more schools than I should've in an attempt to get in somewhere at least. Miracle of miracles, I found out at the end of March that I had gotten into my top choice but was then completely unprepared to drop everything and go in the span of a month. (My dual degree MBA/MA program started in the first week of May). For the past three years I had been living and working in the very definition of my comfort zone, in a place where I had built up a sizeable social network through 25 years of living in the same area. Couldn't get a deferral, made the difficult decision to just go for it, based on the assumption that I'd regret it for the rest of my life if I didn't go. Quit work, said goodbye to friends, searched for housing, moved to Philly for classes. Then, BAM! At the end of May, in the span of about a week, I dealt with the deaths of two grandparents on different sides of the family (thus on different continents), and other unspecified drama, all during final exams for three classes, then packed everything up to go to Japan for classes for the International Studies component of my dual MBA/MA. Mostly too stunned to cry. Lord, You have a plan. There is purpose for everything.
People themselves are not the gift.
During my summer in Japan, I visited my pastor and his wife from last time I was living in Japan. I like to call them my Japanese parents. In my new roommate at b-school, I saw uncanny echoes of my last roommate in college. Both girls are huge blessings. And I realized that no matter where I go - God provides. His family is enough. As much as I struggled leaving behind so many dear friends at home, moving forward has taught me that it's not the people themselves that bless me but God working through and within them. Our inclination is to get attached to the blessings that God has given us and make them into idols, whether they are material or even people, but in being forced to let go I found that God always provides even if in a different shape or form.
Transitions.
I've realized that if you try to prop open two doors at once, you can't go through either of them. If you're going to go through any doors, and get anywhere at all, you're going to have to let at least one of them close. We are a generation that likes our options - we are overwhelmed with a glut of choices, and we are given the ability to customize to a tee. I spent an embarrassing amount of time in 2009 looking longingly at the door behind me but also trying to open the one in front of me. A funny thing about business school is that everyone gets there when they're in their mid-to-late 20's. Some people are married, or in serious relationships, some have kids. It's late in the game to be forming close, life-lasting friendships. And yet, some people dive in headfirst and are bff with their new classmates. I struggled a lot with balance - how much time exactly should I allot to my old friends in comparison to my new friends? My new friends will probably never be as close to me as my old friends from home, some of whom I've known for 10+ years. But giving new friendships a fair chance was crucial, especially in a place I would be in for two and a half years.
My foolish pride.
Limbo is the worst place. I like stability. They say you can never really go home. (My sister's response: "shut up." LOL hahaha) It's true! I left, but home changed. The highways got absolutely CRAZY with construction projects (thumbs down for urban sprawl!!) to the point where I barely recognize the Beltway since all the trees are gone. Goodbye oxygen =( New members came and joined our church which is supposed to be something to celebrate! But instead I felt obsolete and out of touch. Why is it all about you, self? Why does it hurt to be forgotten? It's not about you!! It's about God!
Recovered my joy.
After being humbled many times over by the competition in the first quarter of b-school, what was certainly one of the most difficult periods of my life, things seemed more manageable and I was no longer having daymares (nightmares but during the day, often during class lol) about flunking out of school. It was still a lot of discipline and work though, and although I stood amazed at God's incredible power to do anything, even help me summon up the ability to pass difficult classes, I became devoid of joy. (Think of your Achilles heel, the thing that you are the worst at!! That for me is MATH, aka the subject that binds together the core curriculum here T.T XD) As I prayed for God to give me strength and wisdom for my final exams in late December, I also prayed for joy, because life is a gift from God and we should rejoice. But still I thought, Lord, can I go home home now? I'm tired. What is there left to look forward to here when in heaven there is a banquet?? Winter break should be fun, but then the summer internship search starts! It never ends!!!
Cue the biggest snowstorm in decades. Everything stopped, covered by two feet of glistening, pristine snow. It was a guilt-free day of relaxation and break from studying (everyone agreed, who could study for finals when there was snow outside to be played in?) My worries and stress dissipated, replaced by awe and delight - just seeing the snow falling outside made me happier than I could remember. On Christmas Sunday, the church presider announced a change in the bulletin - not a typo, but instead, the insertion of a snow-themed hymn. Amidst wondering whether or not the baby Jesus could really have lain in a manger surrounded by snow considering that the Wise Men are depicted as riding camels through a desert, tears formed in my eyes. I realized that I had received the answer to my weary prayers: pure joy. A reminder that God is sovereign, that He can bring everything to a halt, and at the end of the day, He is definitely in control!!!
Here's to more blessings in 2010. God is good all the time.
| | |
| After a two hour written final exam, we headed over to C's place for sushi and a White Elephant gift exchange.
There were only five of us, so stealing the gifts was tricky. C joked that J had been studying all day and hadn't had her gift as of the night before, and J candidly admitted that she had gotten the gift from a gas station. The other four of us studiously avoided the "gas station" gift as we opened and stole the other gifts which were mostly some sort of cosmetic product like bath soaps or hand lotion.
The gift I'd opened had gotten stolen and only J's "gas station" gift was left. "Come on guys, it's not THAT bad," said J. I thought it would be bad form to steal the gift I'd brought despite its awesomeness, so I took a risk and chose J's gift. It turned out to be Harry & David caramel popcorn and... an assortment of scratch off lottery tickets! J said that she had seen an article in the Wall Street Journal (NY Times?) about a grandmother who bought lotto tickets as Christmas gifts for her kids and ended up winning a fortune. We joked about paying for tuition, and I noted that I would indeed have to pay taxes on any winnings XD
They all huddled eagerly around as I scratched my way through the array of tickets, and we all simultaneously murmured in disappointment each time the tickets lost. I won $9 back, and mulled that I had probably lost $7-8 in the gift exchange, but it was a small price to pay for the entertainment value.
We headed back, and it had started snowing outside. Only one final exam and one paper left, but I have the whole weekend to deal with those. I felt content despite the stress I'd been feeling over final exams and finding a summer internship. I thought to myself that as we had crowded around that box of lottery tickets and joked over the prospects of holding a million dollars in that box without knowing it, I had really felt a sense of anticipation. I had to admit, I was getting hopeful there, wouldn't it be great if a lotto ticket won and paid part of my hefty tuition? The tickets of course lost, but it suddenly occurred to me: in Christ, I have a sure bet. I don't have to wonder if I'm going to win - I have the assurance of eternal salvation. More than just a hope, but a promise of eternal life in heaven. A secure fate, a better gift than you'll find in any box. Merry Christmas!!
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." - John 3:16 (The Bible, New Testament)
| | |
| - Saw a squirrel building a nest. (?) Was walking around campus with a friend, who pointed out that the squirrel was racing up a tree with a pretty big stick (a mini-tree branch, almost) between its teeth. XD Watched the squirrel reach its destination, a spot on the tree trunk ~15 feet off the ground where the tree branches separated into different directions, and carefully set the new stick on top of the other sticks that were gathered in the beginnings of a nest. Friend said, "Gotta wikipedia this when I get home." Commiserated with squirrel as its New Big Stick fell to the ground. (Friend: "That was the best stick, the one that dropped." *shakes head sadly* hahaa) Tried to get a picture of squirrel+nest, but it was a bad angle.
- Harold and Kumar style road trip/misadventure with Schmeredith and Boco the night before a career day at a large consumer products marketing company. GPS broken, navigating with googlemaps on smartphone, missed every single exit, took four hours to make a two hour trip. Ended up at the Windmill, (http://www.windmillhotdogs.com/) a Zagat-rated hamburger/hotdog chain. Talked about career, school, life, and boys. Good conversation, hence the missed exits. ^^;; Tiring but definitely one of the more memorable moments of my first year so far!!
- Midnight phone call. Friend getting married on the other side of the planet in a matter of months. Might have to drop everything and go to Asia in March =D
| | |
| Today my Ethics professor started to get emotional in class while he gave us his goodbye speech. To be fair, a lot of people think it's questionable that there's a course on Ethics ("Does anyone really flunk?"). And just as I was starting to ask myself again why I'm here at bschool, considering the sheer amount of work/stress it involves and the giant rat race it is... I remembered that my professors are the most enthusiastic, passionate group of faculty I've ever worked with.
My Ethics professor's voice broke today as he gave his goodbye speech to us (his last class, since he's visiting). He spoke about how he gave up a high-paying salary in a legal career (he has a law degree) and went back to school instead to become a professor, because it was what he really wanted to do. ("My father said that if I went to law school I could do whatever I really wanted to do. And it turned out that what I really wanted to do was become a professor.") He thanked us for the opportunity to teach us, and told us that he had probably learned more from us than we had learned from him ("Here at Wharton, with some of the best students in the world!" he said, sounding kind of like an awestruck teen XD). He was unabashedly grateful for his experience here, and we gave him a long round of applause.
I am kind of notorious for crying in public so I identified with my professor, and I like to think that the public display of emotion boiled down to the fact that his genuine love for his work was so strong that it couldn't be hidden. He earnestly cares about teaching people to make ethical decisions that show consideration for others. The vast majority of my professors here are engaging, spirited, and humorous. They love the subjects they teach, and it shows. My accounting professor has said, "There is never a day where I dread coming to work. I love my job every day." My operations management professor showed a short film that he'd directed the other week. (Tomorrow the losing team from a class competition has to do a two minute choreographed dance!! Lol)
Round II: Fight!
Another Hell Week is drawing to a close. Fair enough, because Q2 Finals are coming up next week. This past week I was behind on everything and I don't know why I get blindsided like this, but then I think to myself, it's because I can't work any harder than this. (Or because I don't want to work harder than this!) I am adamant about not sacrificing quality of life - I may have made the choice to come back to school, but I refuse to hate being here. Will always make time for extracurrics and miscellaneous fun/downtime. If you're the praying kind, please pray for my finals, and the wisdom to understand material that doesn't come naturally to me!!
| | |
| The Charity Ball aka the prom XD Everyone at school goes. Was fun seeing everyone get all dolled up, but was crazy because of the alcohol involved. People do weird things, like make out with other members of Cohort. Talk about a weird morning after. I turned around and saw a girl who I had JUST been talking to now making out with a French dude, and part of me wanted to go all Gossip Girl and snap a picture for proof hahaaaa. A Totally Plastered Guy was dancing up on anyone and everyone (female), which I suppose was fair enough since his date was making out with the French dude!! ^^;;;;; This is the same guy who drunk dialed me early on in the school year, so I guess it's safe to say he's not going to remember any of it. Anyway. I think I would've had a better time without alcohol involved since people kept spilling drinks on the dance floor and getting too close for (my) comfort, but I guess my definition of fun is probably different...
The Charity Ball sold out of tickets hours before the event, and then all of a sudden there was a market for tickets. -___- People were talking about speculating in Charity Ball tickets and selling them for huge profits ("But it's supposed to be for charity!!" "...I'll split it with charity...") And then there were the people who wanted to go but had planned to buy their ticket at the door. Now what...? Do you... go hang out at a bar nearby in your tux? Or do you pretend to be someone else, since the door people aren't checking ID and they're going off a list of registered attendees? Who are you going to screw over by pretending to be them? "You're going to do that to [insert name here?]" "How would he ever find out who did it? Then he can show his ID, and get in for real since it's really him." For an Asian male, it's the perfect crime. It actually happened while I was standing in line -____- Someone discovered that someone else had used his name.
This is so Wharton. Scarce resources, lots of competition. There's never enough of anything to go around: textbooks always sell out which I think is really stupid, not enough spots for leadership venture trips to foreign countries, not enough spots in the Marketing Club's career treks to visit companies, not enough open courts available for signup in the Tennis Club, not enough lockers, not enough jobs to go around!! Eat or be eaten!! ...I guess if nothing else, my survival instincts are being honed lol Having a Smartphone is KEY - if you don't get the email that signups are now open, by the time you get the email and get to the signup website all the spots will be taken. I wish administration wouldn't over enroll (enrollment is 60 students more than last year, but with the same resources), but they claim there are no additional costs for having more students. True for them, NOT true for the students and faculty!!
| | |
|
