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Luny_Ben
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Name: Ben
Country: United States
State: Kansas
Metro: Mulvane
Gender: Male
Interests: Video games, music, Internet, books, Buffy.
Expertise: Video games I played between 1991 and 1996, Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Occupation: Unemployed/Between Jobs
Industry: Other
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
11/29/2004
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| That's not the point though, I'm just posting my schedule.
| Thursday | 6/11 | I work concessions 5 to close. Expect me to be free by 11:30 PM, but it might take longer than that or shorter. I will smell and feel like butter when I get off work.
| | Friday | 6/12 | I work floor 5 to close. Floor doesn't have to wait for doors to lock, so we usually get out of there once we have all the theaters clean and ready for the final showings of the night. I'll probably be free by 10:30 PM.
| | Saturday | 6/13 | I work 3D 5 to close. The 3D crew has to wait until the second to last showing drops, so I could be stuck there until 11:30 PM or so. Please note I will have to get up the next morning though.
| | Sunday | 6/14 | I work concessions open to 5. I should be free slightly after 5 PM.
| | Monday | 6/15 | I work box 5 to close. Box is pretty much the same schedule as closing concessions, since after we shut down the register we usually go and help the concessions people clean. So 11:30 PM.
| | Tuesday | 6/16 | I do not work on Tuesday the 16th! Hooray!
| | Wednesday | 6/17 | I do not work on Wednesday the 17th! Hooray! I will have to get up the next morning though.
| | Thursday | 6/18 | I work concessions open to 5. Again, I'll be free right after 5 PM.
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| According to Chance, the first week in June is supposed to be list week. We've both just dicked around though for 4 days. I'm going to start things off though.
So, the premiere list of LW'09 is:
The Top 3 Projects I'd Like to Complete This Summer:
| 3. | 200 Sentences
I often have great ideas for stories, but I have trouble motivating myself to write them. 200 Sentences is my plan to make it more manageable. I figure all I have to do is write down a description of the events in the story that takes up 200 sentences. Then I expand each sentence into a paragraph, and then a page. Once each sentence transforms into a single page, I've written a 200 page story. I actually wrote the first 8 sentences over month ago, but then I put it down when school got busy and have yet to pick it back up.
| | 2. | LaserS
Another story, but this one is unlike any I've ever delivered in the past. I'm keeping it secretive at the moment, but I've already started writing it and it will be fucking epic. "LaserS" is simply a code name, but yes, the story does involve a fucking laser gun, so be excited.
| | 1. | Take Off That Hat, Giiiiiiiiiiiiirrrl!
I'm pretty sure every person ever know what this is. The whole thing is Wade's baby. With the help of Chance, Rylee, and hopefully 20-ish women, we're going to write and shoot a music video for the greatest rap song you can imagine. This is going to be like Run-D.M.C. meets Mr. Clean mixed with Wolverine. You can't handle that.
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| I just started throwing things into this list a few days ago. I thought it was really stupid at first, but it really makes you think while you're doing it. I guess that's the point, right? I mean, it isn't like I wouldn't date a girl I liked if she didn't live up to every one of these things. I'd still probably date a girl who didn't live up to 2 dozen of these things. I mean some are necessary. I don't think I could be happy with a girl who thinks video games are lame, and I definitely don't want to go messing around any girls who have yet to graduate from high school. I'll still post this though, because what if some girl out there actually fits all 50 of these things, and then she sees this, and she's all like "What the fuck, I have to meet this guy!"
- I want a girl who enjoys video games.
- I want a girl who isn't afraid to talk about what she feels deep down.
- I want a girl who kisses me and tells me she loves me after she makes a joke at my expense.
- I want a girl who doesn't have a religion.
- I want a girl who wants children when she grows up, and who thinks girls that don't want children are pussies.
- I want a girl who doesn't own a single thong.
- I want a girl who understands what's so cool about being naked.
- I want a girl who doesn't get any enjoyment out of flirting with other girls.
- I want a girl who simply is not bisexual.
- I want a girl who would go to the gym with me.
- I want a girl who would be willing to try marijuana, but doesn't really like it overall.
- I want a girl who will think Casey's nice and all, but by no means want to go and be her best friend.
- I want a girl who will look at Wade and say "Yeah, he's fun to be around, but I wouldn't want to date somebody that over the top."
- I want a girl who will look at Travis and say "Please don't ever let that little man touch me like he does to everyone else."
- I want a girl who goes to college.
- I want a girl who when we go out with my friends and they climb shit says, "I'm pretty terrified, but I'll go if you go."
- I want a girl who is also liable to respond to the previous situation by saying, "Let's just go hide behind those trees and make out until these guys are done."
- I want a girl who when she catches me looking at her chest would say something like, "You know I don't care when you do that, Ben, but they're feeling pretty hurt by this."
- I want a girl who has a favorite season of both Buffy and Angel.
- I want a girl who would say, "Yeah, I also have a favorite season of Firefly if that will make you like me more."
- I want a girl who is not a vegetarian.
- I want a girl who either loves horror movies or agrees to watch them with me even though they terrify her and she spends the entire film clutching my arm.
- I want a girl who doesn't smoke or drink.
- I want a girl who doesn't know any of my friends well prior to meeting me.
- I want a girl who would not find Mindless Self Indulgence ridiculous or offensive.
- I want a girl who will sit and talk with me when I feel jealous and say, "I know you can't help how you feel, and I know how you feel sucks, but I'm not going to change on this point."
- I want a girl who when we go on some sort of vacation will simply assume she and I are sharing a bed.
- I want a girl who understands mathematics.
- I want a girl who will offer to drive.
- I want a girl who will read this list and laugh at the ones that are wrong.
- I want a girl who does not cover up her face when I have a camera.
- I want a girl who has no objection to taking my last name after marriage.
- I want a girl who comes overs with movies, games, or books she thinks I'll enjoy.
- I want a girl who I find attractive.
- I want a girl who is mellow most of the time.
- I want a girl who doesn't like Twilight.
- I want a girl who thinks most piercings are ugly.
- I want a girl who has friends of her own.
- I want a girl who goes around having philosophical thoughts about things.
- I want a girl who would have a swell time spending a night doing nothing but laying outside and talking.
- I want a girl who thinks motorcycles are stupid.
- I want a girl who has a lot of ambitions.
- I want a girl who doesn't like sports, or stupid music, or extremely nerdy stuff.
Oddly Specific Things That Aren't That Important But Would Be Nice
- I want a girl who knows the difference between the 3 models of Sega Genesis without having to look it up.
- I want a girl who will read this list and go, "Um, there were actually 5 models of the Genesis if you include the Nomad and CDX, and why wouldn't you?"
- I want a girl who can identify a heavy sixer.
- I want a girl who looks at my closet and says, "Damn that's huge. Have you ever thought of sleeping in there?"
- I want a girl who never went and fucked another guy.
- I want a girl who is left-handed, or who is at least finds it interesting that I am.
- I want a girl who isn't bilingual yet.
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| You wouldn't believe how much I didn't feel like yesterday today. Those waves, they come over me and leave so quickly. I know my friends don't want to read me still saying the kinds of things I said, but I have to think about the whole picture. It's possible that just maybe someday someone we know will go through such a shit hole as this for the first time in their life also, and just maybe they'll stumble upon the things I wrote and after doing so realize they aren't a freak or defective for feeling bad feelings so many months after the fact. They're just normal. That was just my disclaimer for last night though. I have a hundred other things going through my head.
For example:
- I have to take 2 finals tomorrow and then work. I studied, but I can only hope at this point that I'll know the answers.
- I'm also working a bunch of mornings this week. It's so weird.
- Today somebody walked by me and asked if I was their role model. I said "I don't know" in the friendliest voice I could come up with. I need to train myself to simply say yes in those situations.
- Katie is graduating Saturday, and then I have to go running.
- I've lost 6 pounds since Wade and I started going to the gym. I should start eating healthier.
- I'm pretty sure I've seen almost all of Stark Trek and Wolverine now. Today I had to walk theaters for eight hours, and we're playing both movies on at least three screens each.
- I so far have 4 projects that I want to start at the beginning of summer, and I'm not sure which one to pick.
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| This is the last thing I need to be doing. I was actually in bed trying to sleep. If I'm awake I should at least be studying for finals or making dinner or something. But here I am. Back too Xanga. A site that has so many memories for me. Look, there's my old tally for our New York fund. What a great time that was looking forward to that. And here's my layout I designed like a year ago. I was pretty proud of this design. I wish this place felt like it used to though. It's just not there. So here's the deal, I got on here to right about her. So to make this simple, if you are her, just don't read this if it will upset you. There, now nobody has to worry about that.
Got it?
Good.
Okay, so I got on Facebook earlier and at the top of my home page was Casey's story about her snake bite. First thing that pops into my head when I finish reading: "Oh, sweet heart, I want to do anything I can to make it better." Why was it that? Why did I have to think that? It's been four months since I've thought of her as sweet heart. I'd thought I'd beaten it. I mean sure, some times I still get nostalgic, but I thought I'd moved passed feeling those things. I ignored it for a few hours, but then it came back into my mind when I was in the shower, and I cried the hardest I've cried since January. It drives me crazy. I want to move on. Now, if anyone is actually reading this, I don't know what you're thinking about me. I can promise you though I haven't spent the last few months dwelling on the relationship and dreaming about getting back together. I am pass that place. I've come to terms with life and people changing. The problem is I can still remember how things were. There are actually two completely seperate Casey Lane's in my head. There's the one I loved, and then there's the modern one. Thinking of it that way made it easier for me to grasp the situation early on, but now I just don't know what to do with thinking like that. I know it's weak of me, but sometimes I pretend that the one I loved is in some sort of afterlife now watching over me. It's the exact same myth we make up about dead people. The whole thing is just me being weak though. If I say there's two Caseys, I don't have to look at the flaws in the past, and I don't have to think about how they lead to the present. I can pretend it is as simple as there was one girl I loved and another who took her away from me. But you're probably getting the wrong idea here. Other than a few blips here and there, I generally don't think about the relationship anymore. I guess I should probably start writing about what I think about when I'm not upset so you have something to compare it with, but I don't feel the need to write then. Actually, I was going to make a post like 2 days ago. I was going to write a description of what I'd like it a new girlfriend. I just went and did other stuff instead though. But no, I mean, I don't know how she'd feel about me tonight, but I think that 98% of the time I'm ready for the next one to come along. That's kind of a recent development with me. Until about a week ago I was thinking, "I couldn't possibly date again right now, I'm busy learning about myself. I'll look back and say, 'I never really spent any time just serving me.'" And then I'd think, "No, if I don't start dating again I'll look back and say, 'I spent so much time alone that 5 years ended up passing and I missed out on great times I could have had because I was too afraid of investing my love in a girl again.'" Today I'm thinking that both of those thoughts are just examples of that self-myth making and archive fever I talked about a while back. I can't carefully measure out my life in the belief that it's in an effort to make a perfect future for myself where I have no regrets. My policy right now is that I'm open. When someone cool comes along, my heart will be open to her.
I think I feel good enough to finally go to bed now. I'm already starting to disagree with 50% of what I said. You know, I feel really, really good because I did this.
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