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| OMG!! Work is totally KICKIN' my ass! Fuck.. I know that many of you think that I am doing some other 'residence hall' job.. but this sh*t here in NY is NO JOKE! I have to go pick up food soon.. I will talk to you all laters...!!! | | |
| this is a long update of my life... it's not going to be about any NY parties.. and all the great shit that I am doing. That will be in another blog.. but.. this is the inner-self (i guess u can call it that)... and just trying to figure out life:
Oh shit... i haven't shared my thought in a real long time. but I always try to find the right moment when I can express how I truly feel, and I think it is time.
I am sitting home on a Sunday afternoon. The weather has once again mystified me. On Tuesday, it was a beautiful 86 degrees! I couldn't believe that it could get that pretty here, but... winter is done and over with. Now, it's overcast... and it's 56 degrees! a thirty degree drop! I don't understand, but! hell.. that's the way it is here.
I just got back from my first professional interview. I got invited to a campus interview at an instutition in California. It was great! It was nice to leave work here in NY and great to be in California again. I am confident of my performance, but I won't find out until first week of May. But, I am in this stuck situation. My internship is coming close to its end, and it's time for me to look at my next steps. This is the hard thing about moving back and forth for these internships, and not knowing what will lie ahead. I am having a blast in NY, but... I am not sure about what I should do next.... I thought I had things set, but life throws you yet another fast ball...
I sat at SFO airport for 5 hours yesterday due to a massive delay, but it was ample time for me to reflect. I sat and journaled away. I came to the conclusion that... I SERIOULSY DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO! haha! crazy.... i mean.. i know what I am interested in. See list:
1. Service-learning
2. International traveling (or basically just getting out of America for a bit to live somewhere else)
3. social-justice/divesity
4. art/film/media
5. working with college students
I have always tried to make sure that i touch on every interest in the things that i have done thus far... it's that i need to figure out the next step to help me grow in these interests and begin a professional career...
then.. the flip side is that.. i am torn about going back to school and working a full time job. I love being in school! haha! i sound like a dork.. but i love the benefits of being in an institution (that's a huge reason why I love to work for a college).... it's not too late to go back to school... but.. deciding where to go next is my problem.
All my options do include those interests... it's just decifering where is BEST for me.
Option 1:
The school I interviewed for... great Housing Department... it is definately going to challenge me... but.. the one thing is it is not located in a city. Not remotely close. I remember being in Vermont.... I couldn't deal with the distance from city life. I need and crave culture from the cities where I live in. It's the best way that I can balance my work and life. For instance, when I get off from work here in NY, I can jump on a train and take advantage of all the CULTURE around me. When I go to these places, I forget about work and focus on myself. I fear that if I take this position, I won't have an escape from work. I am one of those people that I over-work myself... and in order to de-stress myself... i need to go somewhere that doesn't remind me of work. Does that make sense? For instance, my junior year in college, I never came back to my room because it just reminded me of all the stuff that I had to do. so... yah.. enviornment (as in living in a city) or damn close to one, is important to me.
but on the flip side.. if I do receive an offer from this place, this place will definately create me a strong foundation in Housing.. and especially be a challenge in tackling social-justice issues. This place is not the most diverse population... reflecting Vermont...but not that extreme.. but.. am I ready to take on this role? I know that it is in my direction to work with diversity and multiculturalism... but... am I totally ready now?? Is this just a sign of fear and being unconfident? hmmm...
Option 2:
so... fuck.. the other option is to come back to SJ... as in.. beginning my career in grad school. I don't know what it is... I know that some people are telling me not to come back to SJ.. in terms of suggesting what is best for me... but.. if I am trying to find something for me.. and nothing is coming up... what to do then? I don't think that going back to SJ as in the city is that bad...
1. it's close to other cities SF, Berkeley.. and I am not so scared exploring those cities by myself.. because..if I survived this far in NY.. then... I don't see a problem visiting those cities.
2. It's close to Mom. I know that I need to make decisions on my own. and that my family issues shouldn't hold me back... but... being away this far from my mother... has caused me to build a stronger relationship. Actually ever since I left Vermont. I found more patience and.. I can actually become more patience with my father. I know that my mother wants me to finish school... until she can move to the next part of her life.. but... in terms of me... i realized that I need to help myself in order to help her. If I finish my Master's degree... become stable... I can help my mom. I am totally not stable and independent now! I haven't asked my mom to help me with my finds since i left for NY... and... i need to slowly let go of the financial strings from my father. Yea.. I know that I have aspirations of going to grad school in NY.. but... it's still one of my goals.. I met this great woman at my campus interview. She did the whole Student Affairs thing as a Masters, worked in the field for 3 years.. and now she wants to do a career change. She is going to do international business... all the things she have done so far.. has lead her to her ultimate goal... living in another country.. and working there... now.. that's definately something on my goals list... but.. not going off into a tangent... i need to look as how I am going to help myself.. at the same time.. do things indirectly that will help my mom. And, also.. my mom is getting sicker.. I can feel it.. and I would seriously never forgive myself if I didn't maximize my time and not spend more time with her and my brother. I also have to help and look at resources for my brother... i mean.. for some reason, if my mom isn't there to take care of my brother.. it's going to be Me to handle it because I am the closest family member... ehh...
3. so... yah.. I graduated from undergrad.. with a double major and minor to show for it..woo woo.. ehh.. whatever.. i feel that i didn't really learn anything.. as in i still feel dumb when I write papers.. and sometimes when I communicate with people.... am still feel reserved. well.. if I do go back to SJ.. my focus of study would be Speech Communications. I am still doing research about it over here.. but.. I believe that one of the most problematic issues in the world is the lack of how to communicate to each other. I believe that this study will definitely help me with living abroad. and enhance my work whereever I go. I remember reading this quote that the most useful college majors are communication and psychology. These areas of studies may seem irrevelant.. but.. for those who take it seriously... it helps. My direct supervisor.. she majored in Psychology.. and even though she doesn't work with patients... I see her using her psychology at work. It's a cool thing! But.. Communication touchs on these areas which I would love to build stronger competencies in:
a. critical thinking
b. media literacy and criticism
c. leadership skills (work-force)
d. family relationship development (or applying this shit to my friends!)
but.. I am still looking into it.
Option 3:
I am seriously looking at options that will have me just leave America in general (Peace Corps, teaching English in another country... but not JET program)... but.. have lots of reservations
Option 4:
I am waiting for this job to open up in Maryland.. it not concrete.. but.. if I do take that position, I would work under one of my previous supervisors from SJSU.. and I would love to work for her in a heart beat... it's close to a big city.. Washington DC... so much history.. public transportation system...
but.. i am doing a MASS pros and cons list. I am taking my list far to cutting out pieces of paper.. and taping them to my wall!!! it's kind of fun... sticking them up and looking how the list is expanding...
but... boo... I don't know yet... but i have to make my decision fast... in terms of saying no to offers... eek!
this is not done.. i am going to back to my list... will keep you posted!
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| I really need to change my background.... !!! | | |
| oh my! long time no update!... it's not that I am all caught up in the craziness of NYC... I just have a lot of time to think... and perhpas it's time to lay out my thoughts and tell it like it is...
I am starting to realize my actions coming into a new enviornment. Back with my peeps in CALI.. i am LOUD, PERVERTED, ENERGETIC, and... fun! right? When I am here... not quite the same. We all have our comfort zones and we only allow certain people to cross it.. well.. I am finding myself.. being the complete opposite. I am MUCH more hesitant and ... get this... QUIET!... crazy huh? but.. it comes with nature figuring out how you will fit with certain people and how you want to spend your time with someone/some peoples.
I am making friends. Just hard when I miss my peeps very much.
Then I am in this mix of trying to figure out what THE hell I am going to do after NY. I would love to stay here.. the CITY fits me just right... (except for the HOT HOT HUMIDITY of summer)... but... it is different here. People are quick to point fingers and the level of friendliness isn't comforting. I can live here.. but San DIEGO or.. even SF will be my home =)
but.. I do have to run... I am going to a PARTY! haha! My first party.. let you know how it goes! ha! laters... | | |
| oh my GOSH! today is freakin' cold! I dislike how the sun deceives you. It was about 40-ish degrees today, but the WIND was FREEZING! I wanted to look cute today, so I wore my tweed coat.. but that shit didn't keep me warm that much! boo.
well.. it's 419p. Almost time to get off from work! woo! I am going to a Museum exhibit tomorrow on Puerto Rican Art. Then I am going to go photograph the GATES in Central Park.
http://www.nyc.gov/html/thegates/home.html
ohh! gotta get off! woo! | | |
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