I can't help but think about the movie "Closer" this week. I watched it about a month ago by myself. Alot of people were not shy about their disdain for the movie and I wanted to find out why. The movie showcases a quartet of empathetic character who engage in emotional ping pong. They are all linked by the theme of loneliness and the need for a warm body. Larry (Clive Owen's character) said it best when he asked, "what do you have to do around here to get some intimacy?" Larry is completely frustrated because he knows that there has to be more to love than what he has experienced so far. Don't get me wrong. I hated the movie just like everyone else. I hated it because the movie cheapens and demonizes love in each of the four characters. However, as unlikeable as they were...they were extremely relateable. Each character embodying aspects of yourself or those that you knew. The series of vigenettes are heart breaking because you realize how trivial love really is. Looking back I realized why I hated the movie: I've been in love and LOST. The movie basically bitch slaps you into realizing that the love you encountered was whimsical and shakes the reality of its harshness into your being. Love is fabricated and its arrangement occurs when we lie to ourselves and those we claim to "love." 

How do we really know when we are in love? Of course we associate love with how a person makes us FEEL. Even though people are convinced that actions speak louder than words. Ultimately, we need to hear "i love you" in order to comprehend its existence. We say we want action but in the cheesy romantic comedy, the girl is oblivious to the guys' intentions (even though he does just about everything for her) until she finally hears him profess his love. It's words. It's hearing what the person feels and not them ACTING on how they feel that lets us know we're loved. We may be clued into how they feel with romantic gestures that they perform but those three little words are enough in themselves to let someone know. Words save us from action b/c it exposes us. The problem with this construction? The movie "Closer" could not have captured it any better. The problem is that words can never fully capture exactly how we feel. They are mere subsitutes. And words aren't like feelings. They can be manipulated into what we think the other person wants to hear or how we think we ought to feel... My point in all this? Although words are deceitful and cheap. The sad thing is that they are all we have. Even though, we may take action more seriously than words. They still retain value and communication is the only way to salvage a relationship. Mind you, all the characters in "Closer" did not mean any of the stuff they said. They lied, they cheated, and they embellished their feelingls with words. They placed their narcissistic desires above all else. They used words to manipulate one another, construct their own version of reality, and to remain in denial of their true feelings. But without those deceitful words, the relationships they had would have never formed. It really showed me how powerful words can be b/c regardless of whether you are consenting to truths or lies, it is ultimately what you say that will either save or condemn you. We need the words to convey the intention behind our actions.....to justify ourselves and our undoing. The movie got me thinking that if these relationships can be based on false pretenses and cheap words. Imagine how much more powerful and long lasting a relationship could be if we all meant what we said. That boils down to how a relationship stands the test of time. The ability to effectively and honestly communicate how you feel with someone....b/c afterall that's the only way you'll ever find yourself "closer" to anyone.

Here it is people. The key to my heart. It's depressing to think that even though who have the key still manage to misplace it. sigh. Live, love, learn, and heal.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.

Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

--Take the quiz for yourself--

http://www.blogthings.com/keystoyourheartquiz/

Here's moreeee..

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Get to know yourself better

Why "Nice Guys" are often such LOSERS

You hear it all the time: "He was such a NICE Guy, and she's such a Heartless Bitch for dumping him."

I get complaints all the time from self-professed Nice Guys, whinning that women must WANT to be treated like shit, because THEY, the "Nice Guy" have failed repeatedly in relationships. This is akin to the false logic that "Whales are mammals. Whales live in the sea. Therefore, all mammals live in the sea."

If you have one bad relationship after another, the only common denominator is YOU. Think about it.

What's wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually payed some kind of attention to him.

Nice Guys exude insecurity -- a big red target for the predators of the world. There are women out there who are "users" -- just looking for a sucker to take advantage of. Users home-in on "Nice Guys", stroke their egos, take them for a ride, add a notch to their belts, and move on. It's no wonder so many Nice Guys complain about women being horrible, when so often get the kind of woman that gets attracted to them is the lowest form of life...

Self-confident, caring, decent-hearted women find "Nice Guys" to be too clingy, self-abasing, and insecure.

Nice Guys go overboard. They bring roses to a "lets get together for coffee" date. They try to buy her affections with presents and fancy things. They think they know about romance, but their timing is all wrong, and they either come-on too strong, too hard and too fast, OR, they are so shy and unassertive, that they hang around pretending to be "friends", in the hope that somehow, someway, they will get the courage up to ask her out for a "date".

They are so desperate to please that they put aside their own needs, and place the object of their desire on a pedestal. Instead of appreciating her, they worship her. We are only human, and pedestals are narrow, confining places to be -- not to mention the fact that we tend to fall off of them.

They cling to her, and want to be "one" with her for fear that if she is out of sight, she may disappear or become attracted to someone else. A Nice Guy often has trouble with emotional intimacy, because he believes that if she learns about the REAL person inside, she will no longer love him.

Nice Guys are always asking HER to make the decisions. They think it's being equitable, but it puts an unfair burden of responsibility on her, and gives him the opportunity to blame her if the decision was an unwise one.

Nice Guys rarely speak up when something bothers them, and rarely state clearly what it is they want, need and expect. They fear that any kind of conflict might spell the end of the relationship. Instead of comprimising and negotiating, they repeatedly "give in". When she doesn't appreciate their sacrifice, they will complain that, "Everything I did, I did for her.", as if this somehow elevates them to the status of martyrs. A woman doesn't want a martyr. She wants an equal, caring, adult partner.

Nice Guys think that they will never meet anyone as special as she is. They use their adoration as a foundation for claiming that "no one will ever love her as much as I do." Instead of being a profound statement of their devotion, this is a subtle, but nasty insult. It is akin to saying to her: "You are a difficult person, and only *I* can ever truly love you, so be thankful I'm here."

The nice guy -needs- to believe that he is the best person for the object of his desires, because otherwise his insecurities will overrun him with jealousies and fear. The truth of the matter is that there are many people out there who can be a good match for her. We rarely stop loving people we truly care about. Even if we no longer continue the relationship, the feelings will continue... But love isn't mutually exclusive. We can (and do) love many people in our lives, and romantic love is really no different. Though he may love her immensely, there will likely be other people who have loved her just as much in her past, and will love her just as much in the future. The irony of it all is: "Who would want to go out with someone who was inherintly unlovable anyways?"

More than loving the woman in his life, a Nice Guy NEEDS her. "She is my Life, my only source of happiness..." YECH! What kind of a burden is that to place on her? That SHE has to be responsible for YOUR happiness? Get a grip!

Another mistake Nice Guys make is to go after "hard luck" cases. They deliberately pick women with neuroses, problems, and personality disorders, because Nice Guys are "helpers". A Nice Guy thinks that by "helping" this woman, it will make him a better, more lovable person. He thinks it will give him a sense of accomplishment, and that she will appreciate and love him more, for all his efforts and sacrifice. He is usually disappointed by the results.

This ultimately boils down to the fact that Nice Guys don't like themselves. Is it any wonder women don't like them? In order to truly love someone else, you must first love yourself. Too often Nice Guys mistake obsession for "love".

Get this Guys: INSECURITY ISN'T SEXY. IT'S A TURNOFF.

You don't have to be an ego-inflated, arrogant jerk. You just have to LIKE yourself. You have to know what you want out of life, and go after it. Only then will you be attractive to the kind of woman with whom a long-term relationship is possible.